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In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

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Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#61

Post by lnsru »

MichaelRo wrote: post #37

Unfortunately, in 20+ years and some 7 jobs in the meantime, I never ever got a job by means of an inside recommendation nor was I able to get someone I recommended to be hired. And the reason is, I'm a lowly engineer and that's all. I have zero clout, HR and hiring managers couldn't give a shit of whom I recommend. So if you "prioritize relationships" with an ulterior purpose (get hired eventually by some "relation"…

That’s exactly my experience. I got once a position from my network. It was a foot soldier’s position at classmate’s dad’s company. Decades later my network are same foot soldiers or leads of something like me. Nobody’s there, who could hire me immediately in the case of emergency.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#62

Post by lolinder »

cj wrote: post #3

Similarly, once you’re looking for a new job, assuming you’re looking for roles with the same job title you had before, do everything you can to paint your previous job in a positive light even if it was miserable. If you don’t, interviewers are left wondering how to interpret your dissatisfaction at your previous job.

I think there's some truth to what you're saying here, but there is room for some nuance.

In the US context, you should refrain from blaming specific people and if you possibly can you should explicitly leave open the possibility that everyone involved was trying to do their best (even if you really don't think this is true). Project an assumption of good faith even if it's not deserved.

But that said, you are looking for a new job and no one is going to be surprised to hear that there were things you don't like. More importantly, it's valuable to surface those things because you want to know if the things you didn't like are commonplace in the place you're interviewing.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#63

Post by pydry »

watwut wrote: post #46
cj wrote: post #3

Similarly, once you’re looking for a new job, assuming you’re looking for roles with the same job title you had before, do everything you can to paint your previous job in a positive light even if it was miserable. If you don’t, interviewers are left wondering how to interpret your dissatisfaction at your previous job.

Newsflash, people looking for a job were either fired or unhappy about something. The insistence on hearing only pleasurable falsehoods is not healthy.

The culture is unhealthy but unless you are in a position of power you have to play along.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#64

Post by FitCodIa »

dogleash wrote: post #48
nemomarx wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like this is broad enough to make most social interactions lying - if someone asks how you're doing and you say "good" and don't immediately vent about issues, you're trying to create a different impression, and so on? in many polite circumstances people don't want to hear a truth, they want things to go smoothly and easily.

>I feel like this is broad enough to make most social interactions lying They... kinda are tho. We even have a term specifically for that: "white lie." Sometimes, like in your "how are you?" example, various patterns of white lie ossify into social protocol where both participants are saying things they don't literally mean, but both participants know the game. You've probably heard of cases where anglosphere people…

White lies are a necessary wrong; we just shouldn't turn them into a "modus operandi" at a company. Indeed I cannot wrap my brain around how white lies managed to turn into a social protocol in the Anglosphere. Dishonesty encoded in the most basic forms of verbal interaction. In comparison, when I say "good day" in my own language, it's truly not far-fetched that I do wish you a good day, when I'm greeting you.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#65

Post by ctkhn »

bezier-curve wrote: post #27
BartSpaans wrote: post #7

Relationships are always the most important thing in every line of work, and are often valued more than how good you are at your job. - Want a promotion? I hope your manager likes you - Need collaboration from colleagues? Better not be a dick to them - Want to look for new opportunities? Better have a network We are social beasts at the end of the day.

Unfortunately this also seems to pave the way for cronyism, and people climbing up the ladder without merit to back it up. What should be considered is a balance between soft and hard skills.

True, but this is already how most management works regardless. If you don't optimize for the existing system you probably won't get high enough to change it at all.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#66

Post by lolinder »

FitCodIa wrote: post #59
maccard wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> most jobs are pretty shitty. If everywhere smells like shit, it’s time to check under your own shoe. I’ve had shitty jobs, snd while nowhere is perfect it’s definitely a stretch to say most jobs are shitty. > the idea that you need to demonstrate toxic positivity Nobody is asking you to do that. When I’m interviewing a candidate I’m assuming that this is a situation that they’re trying to impress/show themselves an…

> If everywhere smells like shit, it’s time to check under your own shoe. LOL, are you kidding? The human condition is mostly shitty.

Most humans don't feel that way most of the time. Barring extreme cases of trauma we tend to be moderately happy regardless of circumstances. If you find yourself unable to be consistently at least neutral in a first world country that tends to be a mental health issue worth addressing.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#67

Post by darth_avocado »

itchyjunk wrote: post #2

Nah, realizing I don't have to constantly be thinking about relationship was what made things a lot less stressful for me. It's still stressful. But at least I get to mind my own business. Not saying everyone is like me. Maybe no one is. But it was better for me to mind my own business and internally say fork you to all the superficial relationships.

There is a difference between tolerating a few things here and there because it’s a high stress environment and being okay with psychopaths mistreating and abusing you with the excuse of “high stress environment”. You do not need to put up with the latter. Fork em and you do not need those relationships to find your next job. The article trivializes a high stress work environment by putting everyone at the same baseline of “everyone is good, it’s just that the situation sucks”. In reality a lot of people are not good and the workplace is only “high stress” because those people are part of the workplace.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#68

Post by lolinder »

FitCodIa wrote: post #56
lolinder wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have never had a work environment ruined by toxic positivity—the normal healthy human reaction to that kind of environment is gallows humor, which hits the sweet spot between acknowledging the problem and showing a willingness to be there with your team. I'm sure there are people out there who do have a toxic positivity problem, but my own anecdotal experience leads me to prefer to err on the side of rejecting unne…

> gallows humor I think that may be a very cultural thing. I love gallows humor (I understand, enjoy, and cultivate it myself), but some cultures don't even understand it.

Yeah, probably true.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#70

Post by FitCodIa »

cj wrote: post #9
hobs wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly, this is the most toxic thing about job interviews for me - "hey can we do the thing where you pretend you didn't have a string of shitty jobs for 5 years? because obviously you were at fault if they were shitty." Most jobs are pretty shitty, the idea that you need to demonstrate toxic positivity about how shitty it was is just so inauthentic.

Another way to think about it, are you able to tolerate the less than perfect aspect of a job while still being pleasant to coworkers. A lot of people can’t, and a lot of companies try to avoid those people.

This approach is simplistic. People can usually direct their anger and frustration, to some extent. Most of the time, there's little reason to be angry at a coworker. Even if they mess up, it's usually not a huge deal, it's relatively easy to mitigate or undo; if you need mediation, there's a manager "nearby" in the org chart to escalate to, and so on. In addition, you probably have some camaraderie from past projects and assignments etc, which provides a basis of resilience when they (or you) screw up. Staying relatively pleasant and positive is not a huge challenge.

Conversely, when upper management fucks up, and refuses to take responsibility (for example: admit to making the wrong decision, or even reverse the decision), that's when cynicism runs rampant among the rank and file. And gee, what a surprise, VPs and CEOs try to avoid underlings that speak up about the screw-ups of the brass.

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