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Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

seattletimes.com

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Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#71

Post by pdabbadabba »

jb1991 wrote: post #57
willidiots wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing to be mindful of is that this limits your ability to help your partner as you age. State intervention can play both ways.

That’s unfortunate. And it’s a uniquely American mindset. Long-term relationships in Europe for example do not require marriage in the same way that Americans do. People get married in the states because of the law, people get married in other countries because they just want to get married for emotional or spiritual reasons.

> People get married in the states because of the law

That's at least vastly overstated, and probably just false. I'm an American living in a major urban center and I don't think I know anybody for whom the decision to get married was influenced by legal considerations to any significant degree.

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#72

Post by Tireings »

jandrewrogers wrote: post #25

Anecdotally, among the people I know in Seattle, many people who have happily been in the same relationship for decades are not married. People are not avoiding long-term relationships, they are avoiding the baggage and fairly rigid assumptions that comes with state intervention in their relationships. There is zero social pressure to be “officially” married so people have no reason to do it for the sake of social co…

Really unfortunate for some.

I enjoyed my wedding. We invited family with the goal to celebrate together and we made sure our guests enjoyed it.

I have seen plenty of our wedding pictures hanging on walls (from them in it, not us).

I also can't tell you how interesting it feels that we share now the same last name.

I think it's a nice progression for a relationship.

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#73

Post by jeffbee »

russell_h wrote: post #14

Without looking at any data I’m guessing part of this is that married men end up with kids and can’t afford a home they want to raise kids in there. Edit: also, school quality.

To see other examples of this in history, look at Ireland and their 19th century famine. They had the lowest rate of marriage and the oldest age at marriage of any European country. This effect was so profound that Ireland still has this demographic quirk, which is not cultural but has a root economic cause.

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#74

Post by hobs »

willidiots wrote: post #53
jandrewrogers wrote: post #25

Anecdotally, among the people I know in Seattle, many people who have happily been in the same relationship for decades are not married. People are not avoiding long-term relationships, they are avoiding the baggage and fairly rigid assumptions that comes with state intervention in their relationships. There is zero social pressure to be “officially” married so people have no reason to do it for the sake of social co…

One thing to be mindful of is that this limits your ability to help your partner as you age. State intervention can play both ways.

Just get someone a Power Of Attorney, while the spouse gets a few more rights the POA is literally acting as You.

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#75

Post by AndrewKemendo »

I was married for 11 years, had three children and am happily divorced. I’m glad I got married and I’m just as glad I was able to get a divorce.

What’s overwhelmingly changed in my lifetime (since 1980) is that young adult people would rather be alone with no children than take the risk on being unhappy or getting a divorce.

The single biggest change is that the average sentiment now in the “global-west” is “why should I risk my current lifestyle for the risk and pain of a family.”

That wasn’t previously really an option for most people - for a lot of structural reasons. A lot of it was structural repression and the fact that is gone is an unalloyed good.

However it does mean that the expectations for human communities and population growth that have undergirded humanity since the neolithic no longer apply.

We need to fundamentally rethink what humanity is working towards, at a global scale, if the gross population numbers had peaked for humanity.

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#76

Post by Aurornis »

jb1991 wrote: post #57
willidiots wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing to be mindful of is that this limits your ability to help your partner as you age. State intervention can play both ways.

That’s unfortunate. And it’s a uniquely American mindset. Long-term relationships in Europe for example do not require marriage in the same way that Americans do. People get married in the states because of the law, people get married in other countries because they just want to get married for emotional or spiritual reasons.

I cannot think of anyone here in the United States who got married for legal benefits, other than some couples working on citizenship issues for one partner without citizenship.

I think your Americans-vs-Europeans argument is greatly exaggerated if not outright false.

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#77

Post by scarface_74 »

willidiots wrote: post #53
jandrewrogers wrote: post #25

Anecdotally, among the people I know in Seattle, many people who have happily been in the same relationship for decades are not married. People are not avoiding long-term relationships, they are avoiding the baggage and fairly rigid assumptions that comes with state intervention in their relationships. There is zero social pressure to be “officially” married so people have no reason to do it for the sake of social co…

One thing to be mindful of is that this limits your ability to help your partner as you age. State intervention can play both ways.

Not really. It’s just more paperwork to sign as far as power of attorney, being explicit about beneficiaries, etc.

I have been married for 15 years though and I’m 50 and my wife is 49

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#78

Post by karaterobot »

I wish they defined what "single" means for the purpose of this statistic. From what I see on the census website, it's as though they're counting people who are divorced, widowed, unmarried and also people who are in a long term relationship in the same category, which they're calling "single". Single to me means not in a relationship at all.

I guess I also wish they defined the boundaries of Seattle: do they mean the urban core, the city limits, King County, or the metropolitan region? I know relatively few married people who live in Seattle, but that's because it's too expensive to buy a house in Seattle's city limits. You either have to inherit a house, or have both people work in a high-paying industry for this to be affordable.

I also know more than a few couples who are in very long term, committed relationships, living in Seattle with no intention to get legally married. They are 'married' in the culturally meaningful sense, just not the legal one.

My point is it seems (to my inexpert reading) like their statistic is capturing very young people, who rent apartments in Seattle but aren't ready to get married, and older people who may have houses in Seattle, but are more likely to be divorced or widowed. But, they're mostly not talking about 30-60 year olds, who are more likely to be married, bu live outside Seattle and commute into it. Weird.

I don't know how much I care about this statistic.

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#79

Post by eduction »

delichon wrote: post #49

My brother was a never-married single in Seattle, and it was the cause of his death at the start of the pandemic. He was terminally lonely and without purpose and suicided. But he was a tremendously loyal person. If he was able to make a connection and form a family, he would have been full of purpose. Instead he lived quietly in a small house in a quiet neighborhood, and after he died none of his neighbors could eve…

Hey I’m really sorry for your loss. And sorry he didn’t find that connection.

Do you think a different city would have been better for him? I only visited Seattle once and I know this is a cliched thought but I do wonder if the weather and sprawl undermine people’s chances to make connections. Vs a more dense or at least sunny city.

Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows

#80

Post by seaourfreed »

betaby wrote: post #65

Marriages in the western world is a clear example of the 'overregulation'. And further marriage rate falls, more regulations are added. To the point that in Quebec various forms of cohabitation are considered as a marriage in court. That makes a relationship a serious liability.

Who made that happen in Quebec? I'm asking an honest question as an outsider. Trying to understand. Did 51% of the population want that? Did the government force it, even through 51%+ of the population didn't want it? I'm just curious. Your insights would be greatly appreciated. Which group wanted it and made it happen?
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