Earlier quoted context omitted.
While acknowledging that you might not have any agency about this in your specific situation, this sounds more like a social/boundaries problem than a technical one. If I were in a group chat with people both joking around and sending messages requiring urgent responses, I'd let them know to either cut the banter and keep the channel clear, or contact me otherwise if they need my urgent reaction. Letting people hold…
It definitely sounds like a technical one if you can't make two groups, one for banter and one for serious talk so you can mute banter when it's not appropriate. How are other people supposed to know that it's not okay for you right now because you are at dinner?
I like Apple hardware, but try to avoid its first party apps as much as possible due to that.