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Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

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Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#61

Post by tempestn »

rvba wrote: post #57
tempestn wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing I've eventually managed to learn after failing at it many, many times is that in the vast majority of cases an email can only say one thing; if you try to ask multiple questions, or give multiple pieces of information, best case people will actually read one of them. Worst case it'll overwhelm and they'll ignore the whole thing. It's obviously different if you know the recipient and that they're able to han…

All those complicated recruitment processes and companies cannot hire peoppe who know how to read...

I think it's more a matter of people being overworked, so they just skim and answer the first thing that pops out. Or in some cases it may even be strategic, like in a negotiation, ignoring the parts that aren't beneficial to answer, while still responding.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#62

Post by kevinlou »

Buttons840 wrote: post #54
ryandrake wrote: post #33

This is a critical skill in big companies where everyone is swamped and busy and things get lost. I do this all the time when I’m dealing with people who don’t answer their email, or who tend to stall and delay approvals, or people who are just very busy. I’ll Email and describe the problem and then say the magic phrase “ If I don’t hear back from you in [N] days , I am going to do XYZ on [DAY N].” This way I’m not a…

How do you actually word this? "We plan to defragment the thingamajig on March 1st. We're reaching out to those who might have an interest in case this might cause problems. Please let us know if you have concerns about the defragment. If we don't hear from you by March 1st, the thingamajig will be defragged." Something like this?

That seems like a much more diplomatic (and work-appropriate) way of framing it rather than just saying "hey, if I don't hear from you by x date i'm gonna do something"

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#63

Post by allset_ »

tempestn wrote: post #45

You can even do this kind of thing without going as far as stating that you'll take action unless overridden. It can be as simple as rephrasing a question from a "yes" to a "no", like "Does this work for you?" -> "Do you have any objections?" Even when the request is logically equivalent, people often find it easier to say "no" than "yes".

You can also phrase it a little more gently.

"I plan to start on this on X date, let me know if you have any concerns."

And send a reminder so that you're giving them multiple chances to respond.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#64

Post by w10-1 »

It's fair to bias for action in this way.

But offering a negative option to object could be more likely to induce mistake and undue reliance. (Remember: negative options are illegal per FTC.)

But the real question is not the form of the ask but what information to include.

You have to tell deciders what they need to know to decide. Don't queue them up for a research project or to go survey stakeholders on your behalf.

Deciders need at least to know the range of consequences and likelihoods, and when and how there will be new information or opportunities for monitoring/managing. Usually that means you also propose their management plan.

e.g., "I'm updating dependencies on Sunday. If it fails we'll roll-back, which is ~2 minutes of downtime (within this quarter's SLA). If it works, offshore will need to refresh their devenv, but we can reduce the security notice Monday. I'll preflight Saturday if you want to confirm with me Sunday beforehand, and I'll cc you on offshore/security go-ahead's."

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#65

Post by danmaz74 »

Buttons840 wrote: post #54
ryandrake wrote: post #33

This is a critical skill in big companies where everyone is swamped and busy and things get lost. I do this all the time when I’m dealing with people who don’t answer their email, or who tend to stall and delay approvals, or people who are just very busy. I’ll Email and describe the problem and then say the magic phrase “ If I don’t hear back from you in [N] days , I am going to do XYZ on [DAY N].” This way I’m not a…

How do you actually word this? "We plan to defragment the thingamajig on March 1st. We're reaching out to those who might have an interest in case this might cause problems. Please let us know if you have concerns about the defragment. If we don't hear from you by March 1st, the thingamajig will be defragged." Something like this?

Hey, we need to do XYZ by April 1st. Let me know if you think that's a problem.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#66

Post by fendy3002 »

kortilla wrote: post #56
ryandrake wrote: post #33

This is a critical skill in big companies where everyone is swamped and busy and things get lost. I do this all the time when I’m dealing with people who don’t answer their email, or who tend to stall and delay approvals, or people who are just very busy. I’ll Email and describe the problem and then say the magic phrase “ If I don’t hear back from you in [N] days , I am going to do XYZ on [DAY N].” This way I’m not a…

This sounds a bit like a fantasy or the rules you’re breaking are completely irrelevant. “I’m going to do X in 5 days if you don’t respond” gives you absolutely no recourse if you do something that can result in reprimand. About the only place where this works is violating some internal design decisions that are irrelevant to the business.

this is a silver bullet for something that needs to be done on a specific timeframe, otherwise it'll be bad. Since the "Boss x do not give approval for it" won't cut in as a reason, and boss x needs to know this before you're doing it.

Of course criticality matters. The more critical it is, the more required for you to do a more personal message with said boss, like slack, dms, up to meeting face to face for approval.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#67

Post by zmgsabst »

locusofself wrote: post #24

I like this approach to communication, except the the "deadline" part. I'd prefer my reports just let me know if they are working on something which I may want to veto (because I may have more context as to why it's a waste of time or not a priority). Giving a "deadline" to your manager is strange, and almost like a weird, annoying threat. I also would like to think I would give people on my team enough autonomy to m…

If I don’t tell you when I’m doing the work, how will I know if you’ve said no or not? If I think one day is enough time, so proceed, but you take two days to respond, now I’ve done something against your instructions.

Adding a date avoids that:

“I’ll be migrating the build system on Wednesday (26th); please let me know if you have any concerns.”

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#68

Post by wes-k »

Buttons840 wrote: post #54
ryandrake wrote: post #33

This is a critical skill in big companies where everyone is swamped and busy and things get lost. I do this all the time when I’m dealing with people who don’t answer their email, or who tend to stall and delay approvals, or people who are just very busy. I’ll Email and describe the problem and then say the magic phrase “ If I don’t hear back from you in [N] days , I am going to do XYZ on [DAY N].” This way I’m not a…

How do you actually word this? "We plan to defragment the thingamajig on March 1st. We're reaching out to those who might have an interest in case this might cause problems. Please let us know if you have concerns about the defragment. If we don't hear from you by March 1st, the thingamajig will be defragged." Something like this?

Our team currently relies on thingamajig's responsiveness and cannot tolerate a change in performance. We will setup a temporary replica of thingamajig. Can you please hold off until our thingamajig replica is stable. My team expects this to be done by March 8th.

If I don't hear back from you by lunchtime, I WILL eat your leftovers.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#69

Post by wes-k »

42772827 wrote: post #52

I call this “creating sane defaults.” That is, rather than going to people and asking that they make decisions about every detail, pick a set of sane defaults that demonstrate your knowledge of the situation and just tell them you’re going to run with it. This will build trust with people, and they’ll be more likely to give you attention when you really need it — because they’ll know you’re not wasting their time.

I like the framing of "defaults" too. Gives space for suggestion and change.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#70

Post by robertclaus »

I personally try to nudge even my junior team members towards this. I would never admonish them for taking this type of initiative working with me. I WOULD however have some difficult conversations if they thought this meant they could cut corners on communicating with stakeholders or execute on something without appropriate planning or review. There's a big difference between showing initiative and ignoring process that exists for good reason.
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