Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids • Hacker News Board

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#421

Post by pmarreck » Sun, Feb 16, 2025, 7:49 PM UTC

silisili wrote: post #401

pmarreck wrote: post #383

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Like the race or location If all you have is a racism hammer, everything looks like a racist screed I guess. The only point I saw made is that cultures matter. There should be nothing wrong with that. You're reading malevolence into it. Stop that, please.

I've really tried to stop replying to every bait reply, because I don't think long arguments are productive or that we'll reach a middle ground. But this for some reason struck a nerve. I never claimed racism at all? "It's not racism, it's culture" is literally a white supremacist talking point. To be clear, I'm not accusing you of that. My claim is that you can't make country wide generalizations, and yes, attemptin…

OK.

> "It's not racism, it's culture" is literally a white supremacist talking point

I was not aware of this, and I always thought (independently, without consuming whatever white-supremacist propaganda might have mentioned this) that it made more sense to realize that cultural differences are really what is at play most of the time when people conflate them with racial differences. Cultural differences also make more sense to frame things in since they are mutable.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#422

Post by simonebrunozzi » Thu, Feb 20, 2025, 1:40 PM UTC

gretch wrote: post #10

People always use the marshmallow test as a sign that the participant can’t delay gratification. But what if they just understand time-value-of-marshmallow. Sometimes marshmallow now is better than marshmallow later.

Marshmallow test has been debunked by a recent 2021 study [0].

[0]: https://anderson-review.ucla.edu/new-study-disavows-marshmal...

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#423

Post by andrewla » Mon, Feb 24, 2025, 5:16 PM UTC

mgfist wrote: post #387

andrewla wrote: post #339

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a false dichotomy; that it's either 100% nature and you have no control or that you must obsessively apply whatever faddish unverified pseudoscience passes your way in order to ensure your child's success. Do what comes naturally. Do things that other parents around you are doing. If you want to do something that other parents are not doing, approach with caution but be openminded. Do things that your parents…

"Do what comes naturally" has changed a lot over time. Corporal punishment used to be natural. Today, being on your phone is natural. But as a soon to be parent, I see the zombie kids on their ipads in public and there's just no way that's good for them. Which means I'll need to fix my own screen usage. You mentioned the research that correlates large home libraries with success. A related study is that the number of…

Old thread, so you probably won't see this reply, but just to close the loop.

You're completely right -- most of the stuff you say is 100% on spot. The only thing I'd object to here is that you say "A related study is that ...". Ignore the study! If it seems plausible to you, then that's your intuition, and it's probably solid! I feel the same way, and I've put effort into this as well.

Same with the zombie kids and the screen usage. I do feel like I'm fighting a useless battle because I have been unable to significantly affect my own screen usage, but I try to model good behavior and to try to force myself to follow the same advice I give my kids ("accept being bored sometimes").

> Again, maybe it's rubbish, but my sample size is very small.

Yes! And this is because you are not taking a "scientific" approach to child raising, which is exactly what I would encourage. Don't put a fig leaf on it and try to cite studies about why it is true or what benefits it provides. Just do it and if people ask say that it seems to make sense to you.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#424

Post by wvh » Thu, Feb 27, 2025, 12:40 PM UTC

Cheezmeister wrote: post #240

wvh wrote: post #183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wholeheartedly agree. Can't teach kids to eat broccoli if you don't eat it yourself, they're just too perceptive. I don't like phones myself, but sadly enough, it is becoming hard to keep up with society (e.g. sports groups) or even outright not accepted to be "offline" anymore. It becomes a tricky balancing act to teach your own pre-teens to deal with being left out versus fighting the dopamine goblin. I don't think…

Incidentally, Fighting the Dopamine Goblin is the title of my next EP. For real though, the DG is the perfect personification. Don't overfeed it, it'll only get meaner.

Hopefully it's a prog record with songs of at least 20 minutes.