It never occurred to me to lookup the creator of the tool[1] that I used to use so often. It's so easy to overlook that there are actually humans with their own story (tragic or not) behind the tools that we use.
I should learn to appreciate people behind the code more. And, I'm so sorry what you had to and are going through, Mr. Meyer.
A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
151–160 of 179 posts
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#152Earlier quoted context omitted.
In The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Theoden king expresses his grief to Gandalf, “one should not have to bury their children”. I was in college then, unmarried and didn’t appreciate the meaning of it or could appreciate his grief. Now that I have kids of my own I can’t get myself to read the posts such as OPs. And if I end up reading it their grief stays when me for a long time. Exactly what they have written, a…
Three months after my son was born, I made the mistake of following the news about the 2023 Turkey-Syria earthquakes[0], especially in the Hatay region. I thought I was tough, as I had lived through the chaos and death of a disaster before, in 1999[1]. This time, I was far away in Germany, so not actually where it happened. But no. Back then, as a teenager, I could somehow handle seeing people take their last breath…
Sometimes it's easy to keep it together when you have to focus on something critical and hard to keep it together when you're safe and can drop your guard. Hope he's doing well.
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#153Earlier quoted context omitted.
I agree entirely. I have two wonderful daughters, and stories like this hit hard. There is a fiction short-story called CHICXULUB By T. Coraghessan Boyle. It is one of the hardest hitting stories I have read as a parent. Still brings tears to my eyes. Recommended.
Thanks for the recommendation, it was a harrowing read. I'll have to re-visit this in 10-15 years when I'm no longer a young bachelor. Here's a link for anyone else who wants to read it: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2004/03/01/chicxulub
Archive link - http://archive.today/Ez5q6
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#154I lost my son, my firstborn, Nathan, over 30 years ago. He contracted encephalitis when he was 2 1/2 weeks old, and died when he was 2 1/2 months old. That was an experience I would not wish on the worst person in the world. That feeling of helplessness, and the overwhelming desire to swap places, so he would no longer suffer. My then-wife & I went on to have another child, who is one of my best friends.
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#155I was a young (19/20) bartender in the mid to late 90s. One afternoon I worked a private event. There was a couple there that had been staring at me. Eventually they came over and apologized. They said I looked like their son and that he'd be about my age that time. I forget how old he was when he passed. But I'll never forget the pain their faces. Some good friends lost their son at 10 months old. He'd be 11 this ye…
In The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Theoden king expresses his grief to Gandalf, “one should not have to bury their children”. I was in college then, unmarried and didn’t appreciate the meaning of it or could appreciate his grief. Now that I have kids of my own I can’t get myself to read the posts such as OPs. And if I end up reading it their grief stays when me for a long time. Exactly what they have written, a…
Herodotus, in ancient Greece, had already said: "After all, no one is stupid enough to prefer war to peace; in peace sons bury their fathers and in war fathers bury their sons."
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#156I was a young (19/20) bartender in the mid to late 90s. One afternoon I worked a private event. There was a couple there that had been staring at me. Eventually they came over and apologized. They said I looked like their son and that he'd be about my age that time. I forget how old he was when he passed. But I'll never forget the pain their faces. Some good friends lost their son at 10 months old. He'd be 11 this ye…
I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. And that was just a dog. I can’t even imagine what happens when your child dies, especially…
We had a wonderful, affectionate, snuggly cat who also had a congenital defect. She only made it to a year and seven months old (having adopted her at around 8 weeks old). We lost her almost two and a half years ago, and I still cry over her memory once every couple weeks, and think about her multiple times a day.
I don't have children, but if I ever do, I am worried that my experience with this wonderful little cat will turn me into an anxious, unhealthily-overprotective mess when it comes to any children I might have.
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#157I was a young (19/20) bartender in the mid to late 90s. One afternoon I worked a private event. There was a couple there that had been staring at me. Eventually they came over and apologized. They said I looked like their son and that he'd be about my age that time. I forget how old he was when he passed. But I'll never forget the pain their faces. Some good friends lost their son at 10 months old. He'd be 11 this ye…
My best friend's son died at the hands of a negligent daycare, he escaped his crib, knocked a stroller over on to himself which wasn't supposed to be there, and suffocated to death. My friend called me that night to tell me. It's been 5 years and I think about it every single day. Frankly it has turned me from a person with zero anxiety to one with a good deal. I've checked on my younger daughter's breathing every si…
> My friend is one of the good-est people I know. A genuinely good person. Why him? And if him, certainly why not me?
Because random tragedy doesn't know or care about how good or bad you are. It just strikes, randomly, without direction.
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#158Earlier quoted context omitted.
I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. And that was just a dog. I can’t even imagine what happens when your child dies, especially…
We had a wonderful, affectionate, snuggly cat who also had a congenital defect. She only made it to a year and seven months old (having adopted her at around 8 weeks old). We lost her almost two and a half years ago, and I still cry over her memory once every couple weeks, and think about her multiple times a day. I don't have children, but if I ever do, I am worried that my experience with this wonderful little cat…
When you hit college age is often when your odds of experiencing the first death in your family spikes up. Grandparent, great grandparent, oldest aunt. It happened to a number of friends of friends and acquaintances. Some people were a complete mess and others were more resilient.
The pattern I noticed was the people who had lost a pet were more equipped to deal with the loss of a human. The worst hit people never even had pets. Maybe a coincidence, but I suspect not. I don’t think it hurts any less, but you know better what needs to be done to move through it instead of getting stuck.
(Sorry for your loss)
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#159This is deeply moving. I have 3 kids. One is adopted, but he is no different from the others. If anything happened to any of them, I sincerely can't imagine how I'd carry on. I know I would, but I don't know what it would look like. I can't imagine that world because I so badly don't want it. Sometimes I force myself to imagine myself getting a terminal illness or injury, and think of how I'd handle that, how I need…
If one is adopted but no different why even mention it?
Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)
#160Sometimes I think that if there is a hell, we're probably in it. The amount of suffering people can experience on Earth is unfathomable sometimes. I remember the most painful moments of my life, and thinking that it's absurd that the human brain can experience this level of suffering. It doesn't make sense. If we're lucky, we can get tiny drops of joy in life, but the depths of suffering feel bottomless.
The only source of this pain is procreation. The father grieves the loss of his child, which he created. The child would have died after him anyway, is it okay then? When he doesn't see?
I am not dismissing his feelings, just want to state that we all create this pain ourselves. It's time to break the cycle