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A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

meyerweb.com

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Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#61

Post by phito »

mynameishere wrote: post #32
hinkley wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. And that was just a dog. I can’t even imagine what happens when your child dies, especially…

[flagged]

How about we don't gatekeep or make a contest out of suffering, which is a subjective experience?

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#62

Post by fipar »

AdieuToLogic wrote: post #34
hinkley wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. And that was just a dog. I can’t even imagine what happens when your child dies, especially…

> I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. > And that was just a dog. Depending on the person and/or situation, losing a dog can riv…

> Depending on the person and/or situation, losing a dog can rival the pain of any other loss. Especially if the bond between person and dog is reinforced through daily activities. I guess what I'm saying here is loss is loss. Some losses may be painful longer than others, for sure, but the pain of losing a being you love is universal.

This is beautifully illustrated by this line from Leonard Cohen's "Everybody knows":

"Everybody got this broken feeling Like their father or their dog just died"

As someone who has lost both a parent and a dog, I can relate completely to this.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#63

Post by renewiltord »

mynameishere wrote: post #32
hinkley wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. And that was just a dog. I can’t even imagine what happens when your child dies, especially…

[flagged]

I think this scolding behaviour is really out of place. The guy is saying "a much lesser loss caused me great hurt; I sympathize with your much greater loss and the hurt you must feel". People do this all the time normally, and secondarily humans have imprecisely expressed feelings all the time and the spirit has usually undone any harm that the worst interpretation of the words could do. But at some point in the early 2010s this scolding behaviour started getting really popular. I wonder if some sociologist has traced its source. It's obviously nonsensical behaviour to me.

If someone did that in front of me I'd probably be compelled to say "Dude, now is not the time for this" or something like that but I can't imagine any person in my group behaving that way.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#64

Post by AdieuToLogic »

hinkley wrote: post #59
AdieuToLogic wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. > And that was just a dog. Depending on the person and/or situation, losing a dog can riv…

I don’t want to diminish anyone else’s experience but my neutered dog did not miss out on growing up and starting a life of his own. Pursuing a career, falling in love, having a child. At three a dog has had many of the milestones he will have in life. What I miss is the time I and my circle lost with him. Not the experiences he didn’t get to have, or the new people he might have brought into the world, and their exp…

I did not interpret your post as diminishing anyone.

The main point I wanted to share is that loss has a commonality in it always precedes pain and must be dealt with similarly. Comparing its form was never my intent nor do I hold there is any fundamental difference between them.

That's just my opinion though.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#65

Post by husband1512 »

mynameishere wrote: post #32
hinkley wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. And that was just a dog. I can’t even imagine what happens when your child dies, especially…

[flagged]

How can someone be around since 2007 and act like this ?

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#66

Post by deadbabe »

neogodless wrote: post #38
deadbabe wrote: post #19

People say time heals all wounds but sometimes there’s simply not enough time left to heal certain wounds.

I started watching Paradise , and a grieving parent said "time just keeps taking me further away from when I was with them."

I would just tell them it’s also taking them closer to when they’ll be reunited.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#67

Post by lazyasciiart »

renewiltord wrote: post #63
mynameishere wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

I think this scolding behaviour is really out of place. The guy is saying "a much lesser loss caused me great hurt; I sympathize with your much greater loss and the hurt you must feel". People do this all the time normally, and secondarily humans have imprecisely expressed feelings all the time and the spirit has usually undone any harm that the worst interpretation of the words could do. But at some point in the ear…

[flagged]

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#68

Post by nyczomg »

larsiusprime wrote: post #15

I know how you feel. Tomorrow is my late son's ninth birthday.

My twins just turned 10 yesterday. But they were born as part of a triplet pregnancy... Life is just brutal, and I don't know if there is any solace in it being so brutal to so many other people. But I hope you're ok.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#69

Post by llm_trw »

lemonberry wrote: post #5

I was a young (19/20) bartender in the mid to late 90s. One afternoon I worked a private event. There was a couple there that had been staring at me. Eventually they came over and apologized. They said I looked like their son and that he'd be about my age that time. I forget how old he was when he passed. But I'll never forget the pain their faces. Some good friends lost their son at 10 months old. He'd be 11 this ye…

Just remember than not a century ago the average family would bury half their kids.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#70

Post by CobaltFire »

canucker2016 wrote: post #16
Thoreandan wrote: post #4

Context: This is remembering his daughter, Rebecca. (2008-2014) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_A._Meyer#:~:text=In%20201...

Eric Meyer's blog posts about his daughter Rebecca - see https://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/category/personal/rebecca...

I made the mistake of reading this.

My son is in remission from cancer (Leukemia, in chemo from 3 to 6 years old, now 7).

It's going to be a rough night.

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