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A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

meyerweb.com

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Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#21

Post by imchillyb »

deadbabe wrote: post #19

People say time heals all wounds but sometimes there’s simply not enough time left to heal certain wounds.

Time cannot heal.

Time is a tumbler, our feelings the rocks within.

Feelings begin as jagged, cutting, things. Time smooths and polishes the the edges, highlights unseen aspects. Time gives us perspective and distance.

No wound is ever fully healed. There remain scars and imperfections small pieces of us that never return to 'normal' again.

Time is distance. How many miles the train will travel from the station. Distance grants perspective and removes immediacy.

Time can't heal though. Time doesn't exist. We made it up in order to make more sense of our universe.

There is only now.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#22

Post by chrisfosterelli »

hn666 wrote: post #3

This is one of those moments where, thanks to the internet, you catch a glimpse of another persons world. It gives some perspective.

I'm sometimes stressed about something stupid and come here out of muscle memory; just trying to fill my brain with another thing for at least a few minutes. Every now and again there's a post like this one that reminds me the thing I was trying to avoid is actually a problem someone else might be happy to trade with me. It usually makes me turn back toward my own problems with a little more gratitude.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#24

Post by enobrev »

I have such a deep appreciation for Eric sharing his grief and journey through it. I only know who Eric is because of his amazing contributions to nerdy things I've thought about and appreciated for more than half my life. But his writing about of his journey with his daughter had changed me long before I was a father. And now that I am, I can barely make it through reading this.

Outside of the long term affects his family has had on my life, he reminds me that we used to write publicly, sometimes anonymously, for one another outside of social enclaves and directly affect one another without expectations of a like or subscribe or whatever makes the thing go brrrr.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#25

Post by lemonberry »

hinkley wrote: post #10
lemonberry wrote: post #5

I was a young (19/20) bartender in the mid to late 90s. One afternoon I worked a private event. There was a couple there that had been staring at me. Eventually they came over and apologized. They said I looked like their son and that he'd be about my age that time. I forget how old he was when he passed. But I'll never forget the pain their faces. Some good friends lost their son at 10 months old. He'd be 11 this ye…

I lost a dog at 3 and a half years almost to the day to a congenital defect, that we didn’t know about until he was already very sick. I’m a guy who will cross a street to meet someone’s dog. For over a year afterward I would cross the street to avoid walking past the same breed and color of dog. The way people avoid pitbulls. And that was just a dog. I can’t even imagine what happens when your child dies, especially…

He's been writing about Rebecca and his family's journey since pretty early in her diagnosis if I remember correctly. I remember when he posted about her passing too.

Grief comes in waves. Long after you think the storm has passed. We all process it differently. A 16th birthday is pretty big milestone in the states. I imagine that can be a magnifying glass for grief and pain. I know my friends feel the weight of their son's birthday and the date of his passing quite heavily.

I lost my mom 16 years ago. To this day something can remind of her and it's like time stops. It's dizzying as the world around me moves on. Then I catch up again until the next wave.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#27

Post by hifikuno »

canucker2016 wrote: post #16
Thoreandan wrote: post #4

Context: This is remembering his daughter, Rebecca. (2008-2014) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_A._Meyer#:~:text=In%20201...

Eric Meyer's blog posts about his daughter Rebecca - see https://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/category/personal/rebecca...

Man, there is no way I can read this. I got choked up just reading the titles of the blog posts, knowing what was coming.

I remember being younger and not being emotionally bothered by anything. Yet as I get older I am able to relate to so much more and everything hits so much harder because of it.

Re: A decade later, a decade lost (2024)

#30

Post by croissants »

rufus_foreman wrote: post #20
lijok wrote: post #17

Life’s greatest, least rewarding challenge; continuing to live when a loved one cannot.

To put that in context, when my grandparents were born, a typical family had around four children, and one in four children did not live to the age of five. It is sort of crazy to think of what it would be like to grow up in that world.

I think a modern USA 1 year old has about a 99.97% chance of making it to adulthood. That means that if a modern USA adult loses a young child, there's a decent chance they don't know anybody who has had that experience.

The ancient (and even, as you point out, very slightly pre-modern) world had a lot of "infrastructure" in place to deal with this, there were rituals and ceremonies and familiar people who knew what you were going through, and most of that is gone now.

It is indeed an enormous change.

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