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Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

desunit.com

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Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#311

Post by guhidalg »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #286
the__alchemist wrote: post #255

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Culture comparisons are a notoriously touchy topic. For some people, the topic itself is a taboo. I believe that's why the poster you're replying to had that reaction. For others, it's a topic to discuss and learn from.

It is important that we stop taking people who treat this topic as a taboo seriously at all This modern mentality of "all cultures are equal and valid and none are superior to any other" is just ridiculous Culture is something we are always looking to improve on. In this way, we are comparing our existing culture against hypothetical future cultures and deciding that one of them is more desirable If we can compare a…

Yes but these comparisons of real cultures become very gross very fast.

Japanese culture is orderly, neat, autonomous and their children are taught to wait at an early age. That's awesome! We should emulate Japan, clearly their culture is superior. Nevermind the salary-man trope, misogyny, Hikikomori, and rigidity that comes with it.

Instead of thinking about cultures in terms of ranking, try to understand the history of why a culture is a certain way and appreciate why other cultures are not like that.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#312

Post by aucisson_masque »

edferda wrote: post #142

I don’t have kids. However, this same concept can be applied, and verified, with dogs. I have made it a rule to never deceive my dog, and she trusts me because it. If I pick up her water bowl to refill and clean it while she is in the middle of drinking, I make it a point to always give it back with fresh water. I have several water bowls around the house , and the one in my room only gets refilled when I see she is…

A dog isn't a kid obviously, the dog you leave him outside of the home once you're done and it requires maybe 30 minutes of attention a day. a kid, it's constant attention.

> I will make sure that what I communicate (either verbally or non-verbally) is congruent with my actions. I believe that this, is the surest way to build trust.

Everyone think that way during the beginning, until having an hour of free time during a week becomes a dream, you don't sleep at night anymore, things get exhausting to do.

Then you get the belt out and teach the kids how to behave. i have been taught that way, most kids until 20 years ago were taught that way.

Physical pain is part of life, the very first event of a kid's life is his mother tearing herself painfully to get him out of her belly.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#313

Post by crooked-v »

aucisson_masque wrote: post #312
edferda wrote: post #142

I don’t have kids. However, this same concept can be applied, and verified, with dogs. I have made it a rule to never deceive my dog, and she trusts me because it. If I pick up her water bowl to refill and clean it while she is in the middle of drinking, I make it a point to always give it back with fresh water. I have several water bowls around the house , and the one in my room only gets refilled when I see she is…

A dog isn't a kid obviously, the dog you leave him outside of the home once you're done and it requires maybe 30 minutes of attention a day. a kid, it's constant attention. > I will make sure that what I communicate (either verbally or non-verbally) is congruent with my actions. I believe that this, is the surest way to build trust. Everyone think that way during the beginning, until having an hour of free time durin…

> Then you get the belt out and teach the kids how to behave.

This in fact teaches kids to not behave. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3447048/

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#314

Post by the__alchemist »

guhidalg wrote: post #311
bluefirebrand wrote: post #286

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is important that we stop taking people who treat this topic as a taboo seriously at all This modern mentality of "all cultures are equal and valid and none are superior to any other" is just ridiculous Culture is something we are always looking to improve on. In this way, we are comparing our existing culture against hypothetical future cultures and deciding that one of them is more desirable If we can compare a…

Yes but these comparisons of real cultures become very gross very fast. Japanese culture is orderly, neat, autonomous and their children are taught to wait at an early age. That's awesome! We should emulate Japan, clearly their culture is superior. Nevermind the salary-man trope, misogyny, Hikikomori, and rigidity that comes with it. Instead of thinking about cultures in terms of ranking, try to understand the histor…

I think this is a good example demonstrating why it becomes taboo: If you reduce cultural differences into a "good/bad" or similar simplification, then the comparison loses value, and triggers defensive responses.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#315

Post by DiscourseFan »

wincy wrote: post #299
DiscourseFan wrote: post #284

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Except the incest taboo, which is not culturally dependent.

I don’t know, I read a Pakistan Today article where a doctor said cousin marriage is no big deal as it “only” causes defects in 2% of cases. Interestingly, this article is now impossible to find on Google. You can find a dozen news articles of people in the UK arguing about this. Hopefully the discourse is shifting, but a culture can be dysfunctional (like allowing first cousin or even worse double first cousin marri…

Everywhere has an incest taboo, just not necessarily the same one.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#316

Post by ArnoVW »

desunit wrote: post #178
necovek wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unless your or your kids immune system is compromised, that's probably a bit too much care (we did go to similar lengths with a preemie, but not with our second kid).

Yes, for dirt I wouldn't worry at all... but e.g. rodent excrement is quite dangerous: leptospirosis (kidney damage, meningitis, liver failure), hantavirus, salmonella, LCMV. I know, chances are low but I'd be happy to reduce them as much as possible.

And all the pesticides that are sprayed on them.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#317

Post by pertymcpert »

silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

> Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood?

That has a huge impact btw. If you don't think so you're insane.

- Someone who grew up in 2 different continents.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#318

Post by scotty79 »

DiscourseFan wrote: post #283
Der_Einzige wrote: post #259

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The people who still think Freud is relevant are known as “psychoanalysists” in the same way that we separate chiropractors (loony fake back doctors, equiv to psychoanalysis) from real back doctors.

Found one! But seriously, if you don't like Freud, you're going to have to come up with a better response than just saying he's a kook; we all know he's a kook! A) Talk therapy was the mode invented by Freud and is still the dominant modality of psychotherapy today, and B) While you didn't mention it but, at the time, Cocaine was in common use as a near magical local anaesthetic and from it we derive procaine, lidoca…

> we all know he's a kook!

I still don't know what's the holdup then. Freud constructed narratives as we all do but his were deranged so why bother even mention him as anything other than the butt of the joke?

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#319

Post by [deleted] »

silisili wrote: post #100
the-lazy-guy wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you notice that you just devided kids in Loudoun and Baltimore in 2 groups, giving them as examples of different environments? You do not object to premise, only to granularity of defining environment geographically.

> You do not object to premise, only to granularity of defining environment geographically. Correct. I just picked those two because of stark differences of two well known areas close to each other. But it can go down to even neighborhood, or even street in said neighborhood. Sorry if my rambling seems confusing. I'm not against the idea that environment affects children. I'm against broad brush stroke categorization…

[deleted]

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#320

Post by diob »

Swizec wrote: post #279
lolinder wrote: post #229

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm going to quote the paragraph you're responding to so that those just reading the comments can see what it actually says: > The marshmallow test also doesn’t account for cultural differences. In some cultures, waiting is baked into daily life. Think about Japan, where kids are often taught to wait quietly for meals or gifts. Compare that to the US, where instant gratification is practically a way of life. These cu…

> I see an argument that "the world they live in" affects children's ability to wait, and that culture is an important aspect of the world that kids live in Followup studies on the marshmallow test also showed that how well kids do depends on whether they trust adults. In less stable environments, kids learn that adults don’t (or cannot) keep their word. They simply do not believe the researcher who says there will b…

Wow, thanks for this. I can relate to this instability, but I'd never seen or heard of this follow on study.
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