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Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

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Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#211

Post by noisy_boy »

lupire wrote: post #199
axegon_ wrote: post #62

My mom has this very interesting theory: A parent needs to be by a child's side for the first 6-7 years of their life and devote all their time to it. Which is what she did with me. My dad stepped up for the challenge and provided for both of us. My mom had one goal: to make sure that I'd stay curious. She taught me how to read at the age of 4, signed me up for piano lessons(I haven't played piano at all nearly 3 dec…

Your father is a parent and didnt parent 6 years by your side. Why didn't your mother step up to support that? If a mother can replace a father in this role, why can't a teacher? Why doesn't a child need some freedom and independence to discover their own internal motivations and creativity?

> Why didn't your mother step up to support that?

Maybe she wasn't fortunate to have the level of education required to support a family and the father did. Don't be so judgemental - people have complex lives and come from all sorts of background.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#212

Post by eszed »

silisili wrote: post #77
qingcharles wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I always wonder how many of the sayings I inherited from my father he inherited from my grandfather that died before I was born. It's like a kind of genetic memory.

I have a ton myself that my Dad would say but couldn't explain, so I don't use them as much. Two notable examples... 'What do you want, a Dewey button?' as a sarcastic way of saying 'who cares.' He didn't know why. Google says it's probably related to Thomas Dewey. 'Kitty bar the door.' An expression to mean he was going to go all out. He didn't know who kitty was or why he said it. I still have no idea its real etym…

You may not have been able to find that saying because its more-usual version is "Katy, bar the door":

https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/katy-bar-the-door.html

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#213

Post by rayiner »

silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

> then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood?

Cultures differ significantly in how they raise their children. My dad grew up in a Bangladeshi village. He has this story where a cousin was sick and asked for lobster (which back then was a widely available food in the villages). His parents told him they’d make it for him the next morning, but he died overnight. My dad always invokes that story when I try to impose limits on my kids. When my brother and I were growing up, they put a lot of expectations on us academically, but no gratuitous self denial in terms of food or toys or anything like that.

By contrast my wife is an old stock American WASP. She has a very different parenting style than my parents. She makes my kids wait for everything and tells them everything they want is too expensive (even though we could easily afford anything they want).

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#214

Post by helboi4 »

graemep wrote: post #140
guappa wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Funny you should think there are spain and finland are similar at all.

I did not actually mention either, but they are very similar viewed from a non-western perspective.

They're really not. Europe is diverse enough that you need to split it into quadrants to decide what countries are relatively similar. Like is Finland similar to Germany from an outside perspective? Yes. Is Finland similar to southern Italy? Absolutely not, you'd be better off comparing southern Italy and latin America, and Finland with Japan. Like seriously, those will have more in common with each other than Finland and southern Italy. People have told me Naples feels like Brazil... which is nothing like Finland, which has the orderliness and cultural restraint of Japan. North European,East European and South European countries are similar to other countries in those same segments of Europe. They are not similar across segments.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#216

Post by helboi4 »

vanderZwan wrote: post #157
silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

> Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? Ignoring the fact that you inserted a narrative that wasn't present in the article, YES OF COURSE THIS HAS A MAJOR IMPACT . I'm a half-Dutch, half-Chinese man who spent the first years of my life in Ghana being blissfully happy and welcomed in the local community, and then the rest of my childhood being miserable in a Dutch village because I was ex…

Honestly, yes this guy's comment screams white guy growing up in a white culture. Like... do you really think your culture is a default and you would've been like you are without your outside influence? Your culture is very specific and no more default than any other.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#217

Post by dennis_jeeves2 »

jeeybee wrote: post #131

This post is a perfect reminder of Gandhi’s advice: "Be the change you want to see in the world." We can’t expect kids to trust or wait for better outcomes unless we first model consistency and patience ourselves. Our everyday actions—keeping promises, showing reliability—are the real lessons that shape their future.

That's the best and the simplest way to put it. All these ways of how-to-teach kids X seems quite a bit of over analysis.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#218

Post by guappa »

helboi4 wrote: post #214
graemep wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did not actually mention either, but they are very similar viewed from a non-western perspective.

They're really not. Europe is diverse enough that you need to split it into quadrants to decide what countries are relatively similar. Like is Finland similar to Germany from an outside perspective? Yes. Is Finland similar to southern Italy? Absolutely not, you'd be better off comparing southern Italy and latin America, and Finland with Japan. Like seriously, those will have more in common with each other than Finlan…

Basically it's "roman empire vs not roman empire" :D

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#220

Post by lcnPylGDnU4H9OF »

lazystar wrote: post #210
axegon_ wrote: post #62

My mom has this very interesting theory: A parent needs to be by a child's side for the first 6-7 years of their life and devote all their time to it. Which is what she did with me. My dad stepped up for the challenge and provided for both of us. My mom had one goal: to make sure that I'd stay curious. She taught me how to read at the age of 4, signed me up for piano lessons(I haven't played piano at all nearly 3 dec…

> Last time I saw these children, they were >10 years old and they had no clue how to use a fork and a knife. Shoutout to the adults like myself that grew up like this. On the one hand, you develop outside the box thinking, because you had to learn everything via trial-by-eroror - no one taught you how to think inside the box. On the other hand, it's tough to trust or ask anyone for help.

> it's tough to trust or ask anyone for help

I recommend that you read things that Pete Walker has written, if you haven’t already.

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