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Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

desunit.com

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Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#191

Post by boilerupnc »

technothrasher wrote: post #158
pjc50 wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I have a math brain. You're applying the math brain wrong by using the "single counterexample invalidates whole article" mode, rather than just inserting the words "most" or "on average" or "in general" where necessary. A specific kid will have individual behaviors. A group of kids will have behaviors that can be averaged. Different samples will have different outcomes. I know sociology has poor reproducibility, bu…

I've got a buddy who's dad is an American who was stationed in Korea, and his mom is a Korean citizen. He talks a lot about the cultural clashes he faced growing up and having trouble feeling like he fit as either a Korean or an American. It's clear the two different cultures really pulled at him strongly from two different places.

There’s been a phrase in the South Asian diasporas for a while that captures this idea. ABCD [0] where “C” reflects the confusion (aka two way value pulling). As a person with first generation immigrant parents who raised us in the rural Midwest of America, the C is a real feeling.

[0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/American-born_confused_desi

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#192

Post by lupire »

motorest wrote: post #48
silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

> I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Is it really for no real reason, though? > Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? You might not be aware, but different cultural backgrounds do result in different life experiences. You might have even noticed that that's the whole point o…

Some people get really hung up on rigid thinking around "correlation is not causation" and throw the baby out with the bathwater, bending over backwards to avoid leaning on correlation at all. They focus on strict causal-logic, to the point of ignoring the truth value of of statistical reasoning under uncertainty.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#193

Post by guilamu »

silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

The race or location of the parent absolutely determines their childhood. This has been studied for decades, and it's called Practice theory. It emerged in the late 20th century and was first outlined in the work of the French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu [1].

[1] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Practice_theory

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#194

Post by axegon_ »

ralfd wrote: post #138
axegon_ wrote: post #62

My mom has this very interesting theory: A parent needs to be by a child's side for the first 6-7 years of their life and devote all their time to it. Which is what she did with me. My dad stepped up for the challenge and provided for both of us. My mom had one goal: to make sure that I'd stay curious. She taught me how to read at the age of 4, signed me up for piano lessons(I haven't played piano at all nearly 3 dec…

How did your siblings do? And where are your cousins now?

No siblings. Cousins? Don't know, don't care.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#195

Post by lupire »

silisili wrote: post #66
motorest wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Is it really for no real reason, though? > Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? You might not be aware, but different cultural backgrounds do result in different life experiences. You might have even noticed that that's the whole point o…

I reject that premise. It's completely fine to point out societal norms. Neither were particularly offensive. But assuming a Japanese child will have patience where an American will not is the same weird thought that leads to weird guys wanting Japanese wives for 'obedience.' I'm not at all against pointing out or even flexing cultural differences, but they don't matter at all when raising a child(other than of cours…

> Should she instead be bad at math because the Chinese value that more?

Not "bad" , but less fully invested... Maybe? It's isolating being the only non-Mandarin-speaking family at a math people gathering. It's quite striking in the high-level math community.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#196

Post by lupire »

cassepipe wrote: post #74
qingcharles wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I always wonder how many of the sayings I inherited from my father he inherited from my grandfather that died before I was born. It's like a kind of genetic memory.

Except it's not genetic ? So I guess a cultural memory, sometimes referred to as "Memory"

It's memetic memory, also called "culture"

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#197

Post by lupire »

exe34 wrote: post #148
silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

> Our kid made her own 'phone' out of cardboard as a child, pretending to read and chat on it. That struck me deeply. as a child of the 80s in an emotionally barren household with domestic violence, I also built myself a whole computer lab out of cardboard boxes at the age of 5 to mimic my father!

Do you think those two facts are related or just coincidence?

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#198

Post by jedimastert »

silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

> Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood?

This seems like a dishonest characterization of some of the points in the article.

Unfortunately, we do live in a society. A childhood is not just determined by the house the child lives in, but the community the child lives in as well, and the parents are also affected by the community they grew up in, which affects the way they parent.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#199

Post by lupire »

axegon_ wrote: post #62

My mom has this very interesting theory: A parent needs to be by a child's side for the first 6-7 years of their life and devote all their time to it. Which is what she did with me. My dad stepped up for the challenge and provided for both of us. My mom had one goal: to make sure that I'd stay curious. She taught me how to read at the age of 4, signed me up for piano lessons(I haven't played piano at all nearly 3 dec…

Your father is a parent and didnt parent 6 years by your side.

Why didn't your mother step up to support that?

If a mother can replace a father in this role, why can't a teacher?

Why doesn't a child need some freedom and independence to discover their own internal motivations and creativity?

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#200

Post by bluecheese452 »

potato3732842 wrote: post #153
noisy_boy wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'm against broad brush stroke categorization about how different countries behave. Ok - pick any conservative country (say India or Indonesia). Now tell me that the chances of an average Indonesian woman wearing a bikini to a beach (pretty normal in most Western countries) is same as an average French woman? Or for a less gender-charged example, chances of an average Saudi eating Pork vs an average American. Note…

>Ok - pick any conservative country (say India or Indonesia). Now tell me that the chances of an average Indonesian woman wearing a bikini to a beach (pretty normal in most Western countries) is same as an average French woman? The strongest predictor for both the French and the Indonesian is almost certainly going to be the individuals physique and and the second is probably going to be the country and prevailing cu…

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