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Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

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Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#41

Post by oblio »

CTDOCodebases wrote: post #21
zeristor wrote: post #2

This article mentions the marshmallow experiment. I am confused do people actually like eating marshmallows, if so why? It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible. Why on Earth

Giving sugar to a kid is like giving meth to an adult.

> Giving sugar to a kid is like giving meth to an adult.

Giving sugar to a kid is like giving sugar to an adult.

Have you seen the meth usage rates? Awesome.

Now compare them to obesity rates. I'm not saying sugar is the sole factor, but the fact that I've seen off the shelf sauerkraut (literally "sour cabbage") having sugar[1] as a listed ingredient in the US, tells you all you need to know about sugar's addictiveness.

[1] Yeah, corn syrup or whatever the cheapest sugar substitute is.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#43

Post by m0llusk »

When I was a little kid I had a school psychologist give me the marshmallow test. It was extremely awkward because their assumption was the same as used throughout this article, that the marshmallow represented a strongly tempting treat. But it happens that to me as a picky eater marshmallows were always creepy nonfood and to this day I still find them absolutely disgusting. I was also quite disciplined because of my violent and abusive father, so I just sat through it and then gave both of the marshmallows to the first other kid I encountered who said they liked them.

When people go on and on about the marshmallow test what they are really saying is they don't really know anything or even actually care about human nature or experience. The whole thing is garbage.

Nowadays my paying work is servicing properties which means a lot of awkward sharing of people's homes and families. It is absolutely heartbreaking how many kids are being raised like pets or fun game partners. They end up having near zero executive function and have to be helped with everything including the most basic life decisions. What kids need is a sense of agency and some tools for dealing with the world. Enough of these stupid and disconnected marshmallow games. Let's start actually taking kids seriously and giving them what they need to function as adults.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#44

Post by oblio »

zeristor wrote: post #2

This article mentions the marshmallow experiment. I am confused do people actually like eating marshmallows, if so why? It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible. Why on Earth

Amusingly, in my experience, it should be the "pasta experiment". I'm not 100% sure why they're that way, but pasta is super appealing to kids. I guess it's because they're funny (especially spaghetti).

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#45

Post by spiderfarmer »

oceanofsolaris wrote: post #38

I am not saying that you shouldn’t build trust with your kids (it’s important and only fair to them … they rely on and usually adore you, you should in turn be kind and reliable to them and love them back). But: the null hypothesis for anything which correlates childhood behavior, childhood environment and adult behavior should be that everything is 100% genetic. From my glance at the studies, the marshmallow experim…

I don’t know if I understand you correctly but I’d argue genetics don’t play that big of a role in preparing your kids for their life as an adult. In my experience as a parent I am frightened daily by how influential I am in my role as a father. They pick up thousands of small things by copying the behavior and messaging of their parents. Even now they’re teenagers.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#46

Post by zmgsabst »

autoexec wrote: post #30
gretch wrote: post #10

People always use the marshmallow test as a sign that the participant can’t delay gratification. But what if they just understand time-value-of-marshmallow. Sometimes marshmallow now is better than marshmallow later.

There's a lot of things the marshmallow test might signal, but most kids probably aren't spending a lot of time performing cost benefit analysis when faced with the problem. I wouldn't doubt that kids with trust issues would tend to do worse. Certainly the ones with behavioral/executive function/developmental issues do worse than others.

You have a lot of people that take that last fact and then assume the converse.

But in a poor household, taking the marshmallow now is likely the optimal choice since there might not be any later — even if your parents tell you to wait. That’s not necessarily a sign of anything but having adapted to a particular environment: times you listened led to a negative outcome, so you stopped.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#47

Post by artemonster »

blarg1 wrote: post #31
timthorn wrote: post #13

Going off on a tangent, but what's the point of washing an orange?

The skin might be dirty, so cutting a knife through it will slightly contaminate the insides

And thats a good thing? It wont kill you, but your immune system will be busy and trained.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#48

Post by motorest »

silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

> I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason.

Is it really for no real reason, though?

> Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood?

You might not be aware, but different cultural backgrounds do result in different life experiences. You might have even noticed that that's the whole point of the article. What you try to downplay as "race or location" is actually different social environments and contexts where kids grow. They are used as concrete examples lending support for the hypothesis. It is a behavioral issue that is determined by each one's experience living in a specific social circle with specific social norms.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#49

Post by saagarjha »

autoexec wrote: post #30
gretch wrote: post #10

People always use the marshmallow test as a sign that the participant can’t delay gratification. But what if they just understand time-value-of-marshmallow. Sometimes marshmallow now is better than marshmallow later.

There's a lot of things the marshmallow test might signal, but most kids probably aren't spending a lot of time performing cost benefit analysis when faced with the problem. I wouldn't doubt that kids with trust issues would tend to do worse. Certainly the ones with behavioral/executive function/developmental issues do worse than others.

Speak for yourself. The kids I know are modeling the future interest rates on marshmallows.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#50

Post by artemonster »

thefz wrote: post #27
timthorn wrote: post #13

Going off on a tangent, but what's the point of washing an orange?

Once I saw how fruit is transported and stocked, I wash all of it regardless of whether I am going to eat the skin or not.

Its the same type of idiotic comment under any tiktok/short/fb video from any kitchen when chefs work without gloves: „EeW, UsE glOveS!!11“ That tiny amount of dirt wont kill you, but definitely keep your immune system in working order
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