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Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

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Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#1

Post by HomelyQuarter38 »

I am a ~30yo software developer working in the cybersecurity space who is pretty damn depressed. I'm dealing with a combination of family issues, work instability, and the fallout from exiting a 3-year relationship.

I understand that depression is a disease that needs to be treated like any other, and I'm in therapy and taking medication. I'm also doing other things like excercising and trying to eat healthy, with varying levels of success. There's plenty of health advice on the Internet of various quality, including on HN, so I don't really want to ask about that.

What I wanted to know was how you all feel inspired by computing anymore. Reading about security vulns used to feel like this incredible discovery, now they fill me with dread about the future of security and privacy. I'm doing Leetcode/HackerRank/HackTheBox to try and brush up my skills - such problems used to feel like fun mental excercises, now they just feel like endless drugery where I'm never as good as I want to be. Reading HN used to feel whimsical, now it feels like an endless list of useless factoids, time wasters, and anxiety about the world.

I used to spend a lot of my free time homelabbing and learning new languages, I usually spend it watching TV or sleeping now. Work feels useless, it is mental torture 40hrs a week, but I'm not in a financial position where I could quit.

Has anyone ever fallen out of love with computing and gotten back in? How did you do it? What inspired you? Do I need to fix my depression before I fix my outlook on computers, or can I work on both at the same time?

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long sob story.

Re: Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#2

Post by cianuro_ »

I have not yet fallen out of love for computing. Recently I had a "microsecond" moment where I thought "this is bullshit".

I have recently came back to the topic of software engineering always "having" to keep up.

At the end of the day what keeps me going is the creative opportunity (specifically trimming out the block and carving out a statue) and the fact that this is the closest I will ever be to be a wizard.

Re: Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#3

Post by nahco314 »

In my experience, I think it’s primarily a mental health issue. My passion for computers has always been rooted in a fundamental curiosity, rather than any deep reason or meaning. Simply writing code and watching software run used to excite me—it was fun, pure and simple.

There was a time, though, when it all felt utterly meaningless and made me depressed. I found myself thinking things like, “Even if I build this, it won’t make any money,” or “This job may pay, but it doesn’t solve any real, fundamental problems.” Intellectually, I knew I used to do it just because I enjoyed it, yet I couldn’t stop those thoughts. However, as my depression went into remission, I started to feel that simple joy again (though I’m not fully recovered yet).

I suspect you’re going through something similar. While it’s important to think, I believe that rather than overthinking, focusing on your mental health first is the better approach—though of course, I understand how hard that can be.

Re: Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#4

Post by meristohm »

I used to be enamored with computers, fascinated at the magic. Now I use my skills to help elderly neighbors, non-profits, co-ops, and other ~public services. I see more clearly the layers upon layers on which computers are built, and I think back to Hugh Howey's Wool omnibus; put too much stock in these complicated things we make and when the next collapse occurs it'll be worse because we'll have eroded much of the skills, practices, values and culture that got humanity to this point in the first place. I'm not even pushing hard for my child to learn to read and write on an urgent timeline; sure, that "basic" technology is important, but more important is secure attachment with family and friends, and ability to be both creative and discerning. We're a story-driven species, and increasingly I narrow my computer use to serve this.

Even though videogames are largely about story, I finally quit (again- my post history might show I've quit before) weeks ago, deleting all my online game accounts (even Steam! Before a few months ago I never imagined I would do such a thing) and giving away my Steam Deck. No regerts at all- I feel unburdened, as I always do when it's time to let go of another grappling hook. I'm in my 40s btw, and it's been a long road of decluttering, mentally and physically.

My point is, computers are just a tool, a very complex tool that few if any of us can make in our workshop anymore (I'm thinking mostly of people with less than, say, double what they need for subsistence, and I'm no fan of systems that allow for massive wealth accumulation by a few individuals- a few of them may well have the knowledge, skills, abilities, and control of resources to make a modern computer in their workshop, depending on to what degree we consider others' labor to be owned), and I don't see them as necessary to a meaningful life.

I am digging into one of the BSDs, to get further away from gaming (it's an addiction for me, so I'm reducing triggers), because I like using old hardware (embodied energy, Reduce/Reuse/"Recycle"), and because I'm curious- I'm not out of my own intermittent depression, and I make time to tinker with computers only when I choose to. Rehabilitating the land to sustain us is far more important and engaging, including reading, observing, exploring, wondering, and a lot of communication (local politics, in a constructive way, towards participatory democracy).

good luck!

Re: Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#5

Post by skydhash »

nahco314 wrote: post #3

In my experience, I think it’s primarily a mental health issue. My passion for computers has always been rooted in a fundamental curiosity, rather than any deep reason or meaning. Simply writing code and watching software run used to excite me—it was fun, pure and simple. There was a time, though, when it all felt utterly meaningless and made me depressed. I found myself thinking things like, “Even if I build this, i…

I've been going through that a year or so back and I believe the trigger was mostly doing meaningless (technically) work on top of shifting ground (because it was either rushed and no one actually care about quality). And there was the syndrome of shiny stuff (because consumerism) and FOMO. I took a step back, bought some cheap office PC (a mini desktop and a laptop), installed Linux first (alpine), then FreeBSD. Then it's been an exploration of what I can do with computers, not just whatever some company allowed me to do.

What I concocted was more fragile, but I either understood it completely or it would be easy to actually learn how it works. This feeling of control worked wonder for me.

Re: Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#7

Post by aristofun »

At the risk of geting downvoter I'll repeat again and again what I feel is the bitter truth.

This is a pretty childish unprofessional approach to look for some _inspiration_. As if a job has the responsibility to make you happy and fix your personal issues.

If an opportunity in modern economy to make a decent money is not enough an inspiration for you - no magic new shiny thing will inspire you for long.

Re: Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#8

Post by dakiol »

My passion for computer science (programming, playing with tools, gain knowledge) is and has always been “up”, as in, I still enjoy doing it in my free time.

What has gone “down” is my feeling towards the tech industry. I don’t like managers, startups that don’t make money; irrelevant products/projects, deadlines, agile, etc.

You need to make a clear distinction between the two. A job is a job, and my goal is to maximise income (work as little as possible while delivering and earning as much as possible. Funny enough my passion for computer science puts my in a good position to do this)

Re: Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#9

Post by markus_zhang »

Actually, the more I interact with ordinary, non-technical people, the more I want to retreat into the computing world.

Computers are much better companions than average fellow human-beings. They definitely don't beat people with technical mind but that's rare in the real world (read: not on HN/SO/etc.).

They live on logic and truth. They don't lie. They don't throw tantrums randomly. They don't backstab. If a program is wrong, then some human got something wrong -- either the programmer, or a computer engineer.

They are the best thing in the world for technical introverts. I still meet with fellow human-beings not because I want to, but because I have to -- arguably, meeting same minded people online is good enough, maybe even better than f2f.

How can I not love computing? Sure I might despise my job but I'd never despise computing.

Re: Ask HN: What inspires you about computing?

#10

Post by HomelyQuarter38 »

aristofun wrote: post #7

At the risk of geting downvoter I'll repeat again and again what I feel is the bitter truth. This is a pretty childish unprofessional approach to look for some _inspiration_. As if a job has the responsibility to make you happy and fix your personal issues. If an opportunity in modern economy to make a decent money is not enough an inspiration for you - no magic new shiny thing will inspire you for long.

This is the exact opposite of what I was asking for. Instead of quitting my job I want to learn to like my job again. The job doesn't have a responsibility to me, I have a responsibility to get better and part of that is maintaining my career.

Did you even read the post?

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