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I conditioned myself to fail
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Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#62That comic at the end with the dominos…I really like that! Anyone know the source?
Sahil Bloom[1] frequently posts this type of picture on this Twitter feed.[2] I'm going to assume it's from his new book, “The Five Types of Wealth.”
Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#63Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's actually very normal to crave novelty. It's also normal to become bored with repetitive, boring work. It's not a unique feature of ADHD, nor is craving novelty a diagnostic indicator for ADHD. These are normal features of being human and not, by themselves, suggestive of ADHD. Thanks for mentioning this. I see so many comments with people self-diagnosing themselves with pathologies because, "I forget things ofte…
> I think a lot of people just don't have a good baseline for what's normal. I saw a lot of this when I mentored college grads for a while. I also saw another problem where people were resistant to the idea that they were normal. This happened a lot with tech students who grew up being the smartest kid in their local elementary school and the computer wizard in the family. They grew up being told they were smart and…
I guess I had the opposite problem. I'm still not quite sure. I was maybe in the top 5 or so of my highschool but never thought of myself as a genius but more like "not dumb". Got into uni, did OK (3.4 GPA) but didn't try super hard either. Graduated, and then no one really wanted to hire me. Finally, some small PHP shop "took a chance" on me and I quickly became their top developer. Worked there 8 years, started getting interviews at a few different FAANG positions but kept failing, I guess because I thought I was so good at my day job I shouldn't have study for an interview. Eventually wised up, studied my butt off for 3 weeks and got in.
Where was I going with this story... it's hard to get into FAANG but it's really a matter of studying/practicing the right things. Doesn't matter how good you are at writing code, really.
Maybe some of these kids are qualified but don't interview well like me. Or maybe their resumes aren't interesting enough to pique a headhunter or whatever AI has taken their jobs.
This is probably not PC for me to say, but people need to stop using mental health issues as an excuse. Maybe they have some, maybe they don't. What are you going to do? Give up on life, or figure out how to work with them?
Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#64Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I think a lot of people just don't have a good baseline for what's normal. I saw a lot of this when I mentored college grads for a while. I also saw another problem where people were resistant to the idea that they were normal. This happened a lot with tech students who grew up being the smartest kid in their local elementary school and the computer wizard in the family. They grew up being told they were smart and…
How can we help our friends that buy into this self-victimisation? Our culture accepts and normalises the behaviour of using self-deceptive excuses. Our culture provides prepackaged excuses which are socially unacceptable to confront. It is a self-reinforcing system including professionals and woowoo practitioners. The word trauma gets trivialised to be used as an outcome for the normal vicissitudes of life: blame yo…
Have you tried telling them straight up that their behaviour is unacceptable? That they need to stop feeling sorry for themselves and complaining or no one will want to be around them?
I found out this lesson the hard way. I was a miserable kid. I don't know how it figured it out, but feeling sorry for yourself accomplishes nothing. Maybe life is shit. Maybe you're over-exaggerating. Doesn't matter, you're not going to get out of that situation by 'woowoo'ing.
Sometimes folks just need to reflect. One core memory I have was when I was really young. I was crying over something. My older brother's friend said to me "Why are you crying? You just want attention!" and that shut me right up. I thought about it, realized he was right, and realized I didn't need to cry.
Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#65Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I think a lot of people just don't have a good baseline for what's normal. True, but that works both ways. "Surely everyone else gets distracted this much".
Disagree. I think adults with ADHD are well aware that they are not "normal" with respect to many of the symptoms, even if they don't know it's due to ADHD. At least that's my personal experience. Few examples off the top of my head: - being unable to pay bills/fines on time even with plenty of money in the bank. - being physically unable to keep sitting in a chair after a while in meetings. It's easy to see that mos…
People need systems. Oh, I forgot to pay that bill on time. Oh I forgot again. And again. And again. Maybe I have ADHD? Whoops, forgot to pay the bill.
Maybe they do have ADHD, maybe they don't. Maybe they should get diagnosed so they can learn more about it and find strategies for dealing with it instead of blaming it.
But regardless, just find something that works for you and stop making excuses. I used to forget my wallet, keys, and/or employee badge. Now I keep a wooden bowl near my front door, and keep those items in there and only those items in there. When I leave, I put those items in my pockets and go. When I come home, I puts them back in the bowl. Simple routine. Prevents forgetting.
Bills go on autopay. If you can't autopay for some reason, put it in your calendar. Forget to check your calendar? Set an alarm that you have to dismiss.
Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#66I'm not a mental health professional, and I don't know the author. Please be assured that I don't mean any disrespect whatsoever: consider getting tested for ADHD by a mental health professional. I was diagnosed very late, since my ADHD was of the "inattentive" kind. I would not be troublesome at home or at school, like an hyperactive child would. A lot of people like this go undiagnosed. One of the traits of ADHD is…
As someone with ADHD that definitely gets dopamine from novelty, is there actually anything that can be done? Adderral and vyvanse work for a couple days and then I build a tolerance. The only indefinite solution is to completely remove all distractions from my area (internet, games, food) but that’s never been sustainable for me. Moderation, rewards on completion, and other mental tricks don’t work for me. Crisis is…
> Adderral and vyvanse work for a couple days and then I build a tolerance
Have you been able to go through titration and dose adjustment with a (competent) psychiatrist? When starting or restarting meds it's expected for the first few days (or more) to have a more obvious impact. After your body has adjusted to being on the meds, if the meds aren't helping (or are outright making things worse, like making you sleepy), you could just need a higher dose. The adjustment period is a bit different than the issue of proper long term tolerance.
There's a fair few options as far as stimulant meds go, and the combinations of drugs, release profiles, and dosages can take a bit of iteration to find what works.
There’s also nonstimulant medications used for ADHD but they're generally less effective than stimulant meds, but we're all different and maybe they'll help?
Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#67I'm not a mental health professional, and I don't know the author. Please be assured that I don't mean any disrespect whatsoever: consider getting tested for ADHD by a mental health professional. I was diagnosed very late, since my ADHD was of the "inattentive" kind. I would not be troublesome at home or at school, like an hyperactive child would. A lot of people like this go undiagnosed. One of the traits of ADHD is…
I am very similar to op. What type of mental health professional should we seek out? I talked to a PA about ADD a couple times, but dropped it because they seemed doubtful and I felt a bit ashamed (because you treat ADD and ADHD with a controlled substance). I went on phentermine for a few weeks, for weight loss, and my mind felt absolutely amazing on that medicine. It’s apparently dangerous for long term use though.…
I'd avoid physician assistants and nurse practitioners.
If you want a formal diagnosis, a clinical psychologist should have the authority to assess and diagnose ADHD. A psychiatrist can, too. The best way to approach getting a diagnosis (and the finer detail of what kinds of psychologists can do a formal diagnosis, what referrals you might need, etc.) is highly dependent on location. Once you have a diagnosis, you should be able to try medications if you want.
If you aren't interested in medications, you might still want to pursue some (enough for you to learn about yourself) or all of a formal diagnosis if you want. The benefits and downsides of a formal diagnosis are also highly location dependent.
Talking to a psychologist might be helpful regardless of diagnosis.
Please don't use an ADHD 'coach', they're a predatory scam
Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#68Earlier quoted context omitted.
As someone with ADHD that definitely gets dopamine from novelty, is there actually anything that can be done? Adderral and vyvanse work for a couple days and then I build a tolerance. The only indefinite solution is to completely remove all distractions from my area (internet, games, food) but that’s never been sustainable for me. Moderation, rewards on completion, and other mental tricks don’t work for me. Crisis is…
> Adderral and vyvanse work for a couple days and then I build a tolerance Have you been able to go through titration and dose adjustment with a (competent) psychiatrist? When starting or restarting meds it's expected for the first few days (or more) to have a more obvious impact. After your body has adjusted to being on the meds, if the meds aren't helping (or are outright making things worse, like making you sleepy…
I haven’t been to a psychiatrist in five years. It wouldn’t hurt to go back and see what they say. Thanks for giving me some hope!
Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#69Earlier quoted context omitted.
How can we help our friends that buy into this self-victimisation? Our culture accepts and normalises the behaviour of using self-deceptive excuses. Our culture provides prepackaged excuses which are socially unacceptable to confront. It is a self-reinforcing system including professionals and woowoo practitioners. The word trauma gets trivialised to be used as an outcome for the normal vicissitudes of life: blame yo…
Have you tried telling them straight up that their behaviour is unacceptable? That they need to stop feeling sorry for themselves and complaining or no one will want to be around them? I found out this lesson the hard way. I was a miserable kid. I don't know how it figured it out, but feeling sorry for yourself accomplishes nothing. Maybe life is shit. Maybe you're over-exaggerating. Doesn't matter, you're not going…
> Have you tried telling them straight up that their behaviour is unacceptable?
Yea, but it isn't effective on anybody that is fooling themselves or that isn't interested in listening to me. I lack the skill of influence. My usual outcome in this situation is that I drop anyone that is unwilling to listen because it isn't healthy for me. I do give people the benefit of the doubt. Both parties need to respect each other - one-sided submission is unpleasant.
The majority of people learn for themselves as they mature and they are easy to communicate with. Your examples fit this.
The problem is the people that never learn or don't care to. I don't know what to do with them.
Re: I conditioned myself to fail
#70Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Adderral and vyvanse work for a couple days and then I build a tolerance Have you been able to go through titration and dose adjustment with a (competent) psychiatrist? When starting or restarting meds it's expected for the first few days (or more) to have a more obvious impact. After your body has adjusted to being on the meds, if the meds aren't helping (or are outright making things worse, like making you sleepy…
I haven’t been to a psychiatrist in five years. It wouldn’t hurt to go back and see what they say. Thanks for giving me some hope!
Please do! It took my mate like a year and a half with an amazing psychiatrist to settle on a regimen.
I'd recommend having a look through some ADHD groups; they're full of knowledge and tips and tricks that can help you self advocate.
A psychiatrist should have explained to you upon prescribing these meds that the first few days may feel like rocket fuel and that thereafter they may feel great (or can make it worse), and they should have advised you to keep a diary about your meds so at your next appointment you can review the impact the meds had and any related struggles like remembering to take your afternoon meds (if you had them, for example).
Whatever happened with your last psychiatrist that left you with no helpful meds, no guidance on determining whether the meds are working for you or not, and no follow up to boot is so unacceptable.
A little bit of self advocacy can go a VERY long way, though. Things like asking to book the next appointment at the end of your current appointment, and asking if there's any particular side effects you need to watch out for until your next appointment can mean the difference between what happened to you last time and you finding meds that actually work. You shouldn't have to remind them to do any of that but it can really help.
Sorry, I ranted a bit! I just really hope you find a psychiatrist who will actually just do their job and work with you to figure it out! Finding meds that actually help is quite achievable.