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I conditioned myself to fail

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Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#51
post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think a lot of people just don't have a good baseline for what's normal. I saw a lot of this when I mentored college grads for a while. I also saw another problem where people were resistant to the idea that they were normal. This happened a lot with tech students who grew up being the smartest kid in their local elementary school and the computer wizard in the family. They grew up being told they were smart and…

How can we help our friends that buy into this self-victimisation? Our culture accepts and normalises the behaviour of using self-deceptive excuses. Our culture provides prepackaged excuses which are socially unacceptable to confront. It is a self-reinforcing system including professionals and woowoo practitioners. The word trauma gets trivialised to be used as an outcome for the normal vicissitudes of life: blame yo…

Well, what's the alternative? What's not "woowoo"? Something along the lines of "you are bad, tainted by original sin and deserve to suffer?" Or is it "you need to hustle harder?" Well, guess what - self-harm is no more productive than self-delusion.

Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#52
post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am very similar to op. What type of mental health professional should we seek out? I talked to a PA about ADD a couple times, but dropped it because they seemed doubtful and I felt a bit ashamed (because you treat ADD and ADHD with a controlled substance). I went on phentermine for a few weeks, for weight loss, and my mind felt absolutely amazing on that medicine. It’s apparently dangerous for long term use though.…

Psychologist first. Psychiatrist if the former recommends one.

With ADHD, I'd recommend the reverse. ADHD is one of the few things in psychiatry that in many cases can be diagnosed or ruled out very quickly, in big part because the effective medication - stimulants - are one of the very few psychiatric drugs that work instantly, and have obvious effect. People with ADHD have a different way of responding to those than people without, and therapeutic change is drastic enough to give useful information to a doctor over couple days worth of therapy.

For that reason, I recommend not just talking with any psychiatrist, but specifically one who specializes in adult ADHD. This is because the "failure mode" of a person with ADHD going to someone who dismisses the possibility and "wants to rule out other things first" can be disastrous. It's highly likely that such a person will be treated for depression first.

In contrast to ADHD, it can take years to rule out depression. The process usually involves a combination of drugs and therapy. Therapy is basically dating - for it to work, you need to find a therapist that's a good match for you personally; determining patient-therapist fit usually requires at least couple sessions, so it may take you a year or more of switching therapists every other month before you find the one that can help you - and that's if someone even tells you that you're allowed and supposed to switch therapists if it's not working out with your current one, instead of trying to power through (or blaming yourself). And, to make it worse, the deal is similar with the drugs.

First-line pharmaceutical treatment for depression involves drugs that universally take at least a month to fully kick in and start showing any positive effect. There's couple families of drugs, couple variants in each, and you're supposed to rotate through them (and dosages) until you find one that has noticeable positive effects, and side effects you can deal with. Worst case scenario here is, again, years of wasted time (and money, and your will).

Maybe you'll get lucky and get the right drug the first time around. I sure did with the SSRIs I got prescribed back almost 20 years ago. But, if you (also) have ADHD, you're screwed anyway. Those drugs don't just take a month to kick in - they take a month to wear off. Things get better, you stop paying attention, get too distracted or anxious to renew your prescription, stop taking the medicine, and by the time you realize your mistake, you're back where you started except now also ashamed and reluctant to call your doctor.

I'm not saying to assume you have ADHD or dismiss other possibilities - just don't set yourself up for failure by going to the "default" doctor that is likely to follow the "default" procedure and treat you for the "default" condition that happens to be one of the hardest ones to diagnose and treat.

Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#53
post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am very similar to op. What type of mental health professional should we seek out? I talked to a PA about ADD a couple times, but dropped it because they seemed doubtful and I felt a bit ashamed (because you treat ADD and ADHD with a controlled substance). I went on phentermine for a few weeks, for weight loss, and my mind felt absolutely amazing on that medicine. It’s apparently dangerous for long term use though.…

> 25 years of failed businesses. Your written story comes across to me mostly as regrets of counterfactual timelines; the result of your perception because of societal pushes. If you wrote "25 years of successes", I wonder how it would read? > What type of mental health professional should we seek out? What a strange question... the implication is that you think your life problems (perhaps completely normal) are due…

> regrets of counterfactual timelines

I think I agree. These are my memories and our memory is not great. I've even learned that when I am most confident, I am more likely to be incorrect. It's not lost on me that I am relying on my own imperfect memory.

> What a strange question...

My question was specific to the comment I replied to, which suggested a mental health professional, which I was contrasting to a family physician.

Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#54
post #10

I'm not a mental health professional, and I don't know the author. Please be assured that I don't mean any disrespect whatsoever: consider getting tested for ADHD by a mental health professional. I was diagnosed very late, since my ADHD was of the "inattentive" kind. I would not be troublesome at home or at school, like an hyperactive child would. A lot of people like this go undiagnosed. One of the traits of ADHD is…

Fascinating bc I have seen this behaviour as an observer of others - I read the first couple paragraphs and landed in the same spot.

Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#55

This entire domain is bot, btw. Yes. It learned how to express in thought what a psilocybin trip was... decided to learn how to register a domain, and has established a character with which to interact with the network. TLDR; AI-cosplay is hawt. ... It's also using twitter.com links. A little outdated for 2025 models apparently.

What makes you say that?

Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#56

The sadest thing in this world for me is not receiving feedback on my work. Any feedback, not necessarily positive. This breaks me down every time, even now, after 25 years of experience.

I get around it by working on things for me and me alone and publishing them as an afterthought for anyone that would seek them out. I make the tool that I want to use and make the game that I want to play. This has had way better reception than I expected (but not monetarily since I usually end up publishing this sort of thing with a non-license that says something like "feel free to steal this code in its entirety if you wish") and it works out great since when things get no reception I don't care and when they do it's always exceeding my own expectations, plus I'll always walk away from it with something for me that I wanted out of it regardless of reception.

Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#57

I’ve found that I like the thrill of designing a project as I get older. But not building. By design I don’t mean UI - which I suck at. I have experience up and down the stack from requirements analysis and pre-sales, enough project management to get by, back end development, database, cloud architecture and “DevOps” [sic] and creating deployment pipelines. I’m not bragging, I’m just old (50). I would have to hire so…

> wouldn’t be good at anyway is marketing and sales Shift perspective: Consider these things to be an optimization problem. People buying your thing is the output from some undefined function. You get to supply inputs to that function. Now sales and marketing is revealed as being about modeling that undefined function such that you can pick more optimal inputs thereby improving the output. Now traverse the gradient.

Don't forget the constraints: are you willing to bullshit people a bit to get them incited, because you know it'll be a good, win-win deal for both sides, but they're dismissing it prematurely? What if you're not exactly sure if it'll be a win-win for them? Are you willing to still bullshit them a bit, assuming they're not idiots and they'll do the math on their end - so what you're doing is just forcing them to consider your proposal seriously? Are you okay to keep up the pressure, transfer all responsibility for the choice to your customers? Are you willing to lie?

I'm reluctant to try and follow the gradient because I'm convinced it quickly leads to abandoning the ethical constraints, and I don't want to become such a person.

Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#58
post #10

I'm not a mental health professional, and I don't know the author. Please be assured that I don't mean any disrespect whatsoever: consider getting tested for ADHD by a mental health professional. I was diagnosed very late, since my ADHD was of the "inattentive" kind. I would not be troublesome at home or at school, like an hyperactive child would. A lot of people like this go undiagnosed. One of the traits of ADHD is…

> One of the traits of ADHD is that our brains crave novelty I know you meant well by your post, but this type of reductionism doesn't really do justice to ADHD and can lead a lot of people astray. It's actually very normal to crave novelty. It's also normal to become bored with repetitive, boring work. It's not a unique feature of ADHD, nor is craving novelty a diagnostic indicator for ADHD. These are normal feature…

> this type of reductionism doesn't really do justice to ADHD

Sure, but the poster lives that life (has adhd) so you should give some credence to that as well. They want others to have an easier road.

Re: I conditioned myself to fail

#60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> wouldn’t be good at anyway is marketing and sales Shift perspective: Consider these things to be an optimization problem. People buying your thing is the output from some undefined function. You get to supply inputs to that function. Now sales and marketing is revealed as being about modeling that undefined function such that you can pick more optimal inputs thereby improving the output. Now traverse the gradient.

Don't forget the constraints: are you willing to bullshit people a bit to get them incited, because you know it'll be a good, win-win deal for both sides, but they're dismissing it prematurely? What if you're not exactly sure if it'll be a win-win for them? Are you willing to still bullshit them a bit, assuming they're not idiots and they'll do the math on their end - so what you're doing is just forcing them to cons…

I believe in Steven Covy’s idea of “win/win/no deal”. If it isn’t the case where both would walk away better than before, don’t do the deal. It’s not even necessarily about ethics. It’s more about reputational risk.

As shitty as Amazon is as employer, marketplace selling fake crap, etc, I can tell you that AWS is very customer focused and everyone that is customer facing is told to put the customer first even internally and don’t sell them something more expensive than needed, meet them where they are, be willing to work with hybrid environments, etc. I know both the shittiness as employer and how well they treat thier customers - I was customer facing.

I’ve worked for two third party cloud consulting companies since then and I can say there is nothing I’ve heard from management on how to treat customers that would be a bad look if it got out.

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