ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
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ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
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Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#2The person blaming his parents because they tried to do their job of, well, parenting a child with ADHD.
I’ve read that psychotherapy is much more difficult when there is no-one to blame. So it might help for him, until he will have his own kids with ADHD and fail in a completely opposite way.
I would not recommend anyone to blame parents of neurodivergent kids, as it is a very difficult job to do right.
Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#3As a neuroatypical I feel this. But also society has to happen, even if I am at the outskirts of it. As a neuroatypical parent of a neuroatypical children, I still have to guide them understanding the structures and expectations of society, and I see often time that she resents me for it, as the autor resent their upbringing.
Society just don't care, and blaming parent for trying to impart that lesson is harsh, and while I don't know and I cannot judge author own experiences, I can see the one sidedness narrative that's at play, and wonder how much of this is the narrator own issues in processing a faceted issue, writing for himself a easy way out, and I wonder what parents would write about their experiences.
Overall the post address nothing about the thing that still needs to happen to function in the society, only a long unjustified self pity trip where each paragraph ends with an "I was right all along" that doesn't actually feel like it due the onesidedness of the narrative.
Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#4Biggest fear as a new parent is basically this. What if my ideals estrange my kid? They’re not bad ideals, but the kid might just not be wired for them. Working hard, doing good for others, building skills, all of that.
I wonder what this guy’s parents were seeing, what they were going through. From what I’ve seen from parents going through it, it can be really super challenging to handle a hyperactive child while still being, you know, an imperfect person yourself
Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#5The "Double Empathy Problem" is a great way to conceptualize this, both to educate neurotypical people, but also to get over shame associated with neurodiversity. It's usually brought up in relation to people on the spectrum:
This theory proposes that many of the difficulties autistic individuals face
when socializing with non-autistic individuals are due, in part, to a lack
of mutual understanding between the two groups, meaning that most autistic
people struggle to understand and empathize with non-autistic people,
whereas most non-autistic people also struggle to understand and empathize
with autistic people. This lack of mutual understanding may stem from
bidirectional differences in dispositions (e.g., communication style,
social-cognitive characteristics), and experiences between autistic and non-
autistic individuals, as opposed to always being an inherent deficit.
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-p...
Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#6Parenting is hard, right or wrong are always in far future’s hindsight. I felt the need to blame my dad, until I had my own kids.
Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#7> what if this wasn't an issue of attention, but one of incompatibility?
it's both, but the incompatibility is worse - if you don't attempt to fit in, the 'normal' (actually, quite literally normal) people, which are the majority (hence why they're 'normal') will make you either conform or suffer. probably both. your parents knew that and that's why they enforced the norms so much.
> This was never a matter of insufficiently-firing neurons: your natural patterns of thinking and being were systematically suppressed.
it's possible your natural patterns of thinking were causing dangerous, potentially life-threatening, situations for you, your classmates or your family, hence why those around you wanted to suppress them.
Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#8The person blaming his parents because they tried to do their job of, well, parenting a child with ADHD. I’ve read that psychotherapy is much more difficult when there is no-one to blame. So it might help for him, until he will have his own kids with ADHD and fail in a completely opposite way. I would not recommend anyone to blame parents of neurodivergent kids, as it is a very difficult job to do right.
All three of my kids are neurodivergent. If they have suffered from my parenting, they are more than welcome to blame me.
Sure, parenting kids with ADHD or Autism or whatever else is hard, but that doesn't make one a Saint and therefore unassailable. If comeuppance is due, it's due.
Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#9Parenting is hard, right or wrong are always in far future’s hindsight. I felt the need to blame my dad, until I had my own kids.
I felt the need to blame my parents, until my life got better and I realized whatever they did had no impact once I decided to take full responsibility
Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did
#10The person blaming his parents because they tried to do their job of, well, parenting a child with ADHD. I’ve read that psychotherapy is much more difficult when there is no-one to blame. So it might help for him, until he will have his own kids with ADHD and fail in a completely opposite way. I would not recommend anyone to blame parents of neurodivergent kids, as it is a very difficult job to do right.
The point is: there isn't a "right" way. That's exactly what the author is trying to say. By failing to recognize the ways in which they were different, they forced a mode upon them and here we are. A whole medicalized generation addicted to stimulants trying to fit in where in past generations you had artists and rebels and seekers and every other kind of misfit that made life interesting and unique and challenging to the status quo.