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The relationship recession is going global

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Re: The relationship recession is going global

#71

Post by bradlys »

rocmcd wrote: post #62
bradlys wrote: post #56

I think this is the new norm and it will only get worse. Social media isn’t going anywhere and the amount of interconnectedness we have is also not going anywhere. Everyone will be in an environment where any social trend will spread like wildfire and you’ll have to deal with it. I don’t think there’s much we can do. More likely to see full blown communism than some improvement to the way we’re dating now. I’ve been…

> Social media and dating apps has made physical attraction more paramount than ever but I can’t do shit about it. Maybe don't look for relationships on social media and dating apps? There's a whole world out there that you won't be able to access through a screen, but you have to go out and find it. It will not come to you. And I don't know you, but I can almost universally promise that surgery will not change the o…

Sounds like you haven't been on the dating market in a long time. There is no "just world" when it comes to human sexuality. Some people are born physically unattractive.

Most people who are college educated meet on dating apps these days. You're not going to escape lookism either by just waving some magic wand about how if you meet someone in person they suddenly can't see your face anymore.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#72

Post by mike_hearn »

Dalewyn wrote: post #46
potato3732842 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the point he was getting at but failed to come around to was that men and women are different enough they don't actually want to spend time together all that much and historically just put up with it because of social pressure to get on the life path to raising a family and lack of access to casual sex. Sure, there's some mutual interests there that'll get them hanging out together but it's pretty minor overa…

>historically just put up with it because of social pressure to get on the life path to raising a family and lack of access to casual sex. For women it was also a fundamental question of literally living. Back when women were expected to be full-time housewives, women had to marry to quite literally not starve to death on the streets. The advancement of gender equality to bring men and women, all mankind, to the same…

That's a pretty odd take on history. You know women have always worked, right? Female life pre-20th century wasn't permanent housewifeing. They often worked from home in cottage industries, ran shops, took part in family owned businesses (often running the financial side) and many other jobs.

The reason there was pressure to raise a family - for both women and men - had nothing to do with gender equality. It was because there was no welfare state so people relied on their families and extended families to take care of them in old age and sickness.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#73

Post by api »

miohtama wrote: post #9
glimshe wrote: post #8

We were sold a model where having a career is the most important thing in life, at the expense of family and relationships. Because of that, the world gets richer but unhappier. Additionally, local human contact has been replaced by a world of upvotes by strangers with quirky online names. We need to work on figuring out how we can get the undeniable benefits of modern technologies without forgetting our biological n…

Career and grinding is not a goal, but is needed to afford an house and money to help your parents. Apartment prices relative to income have gone greatly up. Thus, more grinding needed and some low wage occupations are priced out from the market altogether. The question is why apartment prices keep going up and can we stop it.

Meet the housing theory of everything:

https://worksinprogress.co/issue/the-housing-theory-of-every...

I think this understates the argument. I’ve been saying for a while that housing prices are the economic problem in much of the developed world. The. Singular. Most other things are in at least okay shape. Tuition and health care are nutty but they are less unavoidable than housing.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#74

Post by mike_hearn »

bradlys wrote: post #71
rocmcd wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Social media and dating apps has made physical attraction more paramount than ever but I can’t do shit about it. Maybe don't look for relationships on social media and dating apps? There's a whole world out there that you won't be able to access through a screen, but you have to go out and find it. It will not come to you. And I don't know you, but I can almost universally promise that surgery will not change the o…

Sounds like you haven't been on the dating market in a long time. There is no "just world" when it comes to human sexuality. Some people are born physically unattractive. Most people who are college educated meet on dating apps these days. You're not going to escape lookism either by just waving some magic wand about how if you meet someone in person they suddenly can't see your face anymore.

> You're not going to escape lookism either by just waving some magic wand about how if you meet someone in person they suddenly can't see your face anymore.

Yeah, you probably are actually.

Unless you're literally disfigured most women don't care that much about the physical appearance of men compared to other things. Men care way more about this. Finding beautiful women on the arm of a man who is old or unattractive man is easy, if he has other attributes women like more.

Dating apps don't change that. It just means you have to meet and impress women outside of them. And obviously be willing to consider non-college educated, it doesn't mean they're dumb.

I met my wife four years ago, which is how long you say you've been single for. We didn't do it via a dating app, she isn't college educated, and I'm a guy of average looks yet she could easily be a model if she wanted. She also has a wonderful personality, a razor sharp intellect and is fluent in two foreign languages. There were a bunch of strategies that went into achieving that outcome that I won't go into here, but suffice it to say none of them involved surgery. They're all about how you make her feel. Not saying it's easy (it isn't), but how to do this is learnable with practice.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#75

Post by portaouflop »

mike_hearn wrote: post #72
Dalewyn wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>historically just put up with it because of social pressure to get on the life path to raising a family and lack of access to casual sex. For women it was also a fundamental question of literally living. Back when women were expected to be full-time housewives, women had to marry to quite literally not starve to death on the streets. The advancement of gender equality to bring men and women, all mankind, to the same…

That's a pretty odd take on history. You know women have always worked, right? Female life pre-20th century wasn't permanent housewifeing. They often worked from home in cottage industries, ran shops, took part in family owned businesses (often running the financial side) and many other jobs. The reason there was pressure to raise a family - for both women and men - had nothing to do with gender equality. It was beca…

The pressure to produce more humans was mostly to fuel the armies that need constant supply of young people to throw into the meat grinder; at least in the past centuries in Europe

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#76

Post by gigatree »

disambiguation wrote: post #64

The answer to most of these modern problems are all the same. Put the computer down and go outside, it's that easy.

That’s assuming there’s something to do or people to talk to outside. For most people (in the US at least) everything outside needs to be accessed by car and then where do you go? Hard to talk to strangers at a coffee shop. Might have luck at a club or church.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#77

Post by bradlys »

mike_hearn wrote: post #74
bradlys wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like you haven't been on the dating market in a long time. There is no "just world" when it comes to human sexuality. Some people are born physically unattractive. Most people who are college educated meet on dating apps these days. You're not going to escape lookism either by just waving some magic wand about how if you meet someone in person they suddenly can't see your face anymore.

> You're not going to escape lookism either by just waving some magic wand about how if you meet someone in person they suddenly can't see your face anymore. Yeah, you probably are actually. Unless you're literally disfigured most women don't care that much about the physical appearance of men compared to other things. Men care way more about this. Finding beautiful women on the arm of a man who is old or unattractiv…

> Finding beautiful women on the arm of a man who is old or unattractive man is easy, if he has other attributes women like more.

Only seen this with gold diggers. I’ve never seen this in any other circumstance. It’s well accepted that modern couples are mostly paired off by their looks. You’re not seeing models with average looking guys unless she’s trying to escape poverty - which means she’s not with you but with your money.

I live in nyc and never see mismatched looks couples.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#78

Post by gigatree »

binarymax wrote: post #59
Gvaskas wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A very common sentiment among young men is that "the juice ain't worth the squeeze". There is a sense that the average man is being expected to meet increasingly demanding requirements - career, social, fitness, etc (some of which are literally impossible for many due to height, balding, or facial attractiveness) - for a shot at an overweight woman past her prime with dozens of flings and a couple abortions in her pa…

It sounds like you've had some bad experiences, but putting the blame entirely on the other gender is not a healthy approach to the situation.

He could have a more balanced view for himself but that wouldn’t change the reality that he’s describing for everyone else (which is probably also shared by a large portion of the other gender).

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#79

Post by Gvaskas »

sugarplant wrote: post #52
Dalewyn wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Reading books, playing games, watching anime, conversations on IRC or Discord with long time friends, making stuff in the figurative garage that will never see the light of day... The list goes on. And that's besides life's necessities like work, chores around the house, cooking+eating... The list goes on. There's just so many god damn things I could or should be doing instead of marriage. I literally do not have the…

>me? find a gal? nope siree. i simply have too many video games to play and anime to watch! this wolf rides solo. at the end of the day i simply couldnt imagine myself with a sweet little missus in my arms... honestly, i retch at the thought! id much rather hotglue my hatsune miku figurine trust me brother, the day will come when video games, anime, and surrogate friendships get boring. the copes and distractions don…

But what's the solution?

It's not as if these men have willing marriageable women queueing up at their door.

They have not chosen to forego marriage and family in pursuit of these pointless nihilistic hedonistic hobbies. They seek comfort in them because marriage and family are unattainable.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#80

Post by Gvaskas »

mike_hearn wrote: post #74
bradlys wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like you haven't been on the dating market in a long time. There is no "just world" when it comes to human sexuality. Some people are born physically unattractive. Most people who are college educated meet on dating apps these days. You're not going to escape lookism either by just waving some magic wand about how if you meet someone in person they suddenly can't see your face anymore.

> You're not going to escape lookism either by just waving some magic wand about how if you meet someone in person they suddenly can't see your face anymore. Yeah, you probably are actually. Unless you're literally disfigured most women don't care that much about the physical appearance of men compared to other things. Men care way more about this. Finding beautiful women on the arm of a man who is old or unattractiv…

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