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The relationship recession is going global

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Re: The relationship recession is going global

#51

Post by salawat »

Muromec wrote: post #18
nozzlegear wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Relationships have always been work, and people have always worked hard. So what's changed?

Same thing as with teen girls mental health. Everything is not enough, everything is a red flag, every partner is toxic, every parent is a narcissist. All men are rapists, all immigrants are stealing jobs AND leeching on welfare. Echo chambers everywhere to divide and conquer. And the worst part -- we chatting here and being smart are the ones who built it all to pay our own bills.

Some. Not everyone here did. Some of us watched from the sidelines and tried to tell people they shouldn't do that.

But ya can only do so much.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#52

Post by sugarplant »

Dalewyn wrote: post #26
binarymax wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And that’s the confusing thing to me. When I was in my 20s I spent most of my time outside of work being social. I worked 10-12 hour days. What are the things you’re doing that are a priority? I’m not judging - I’m honestly curious and want to understand.

Reading books, playing games, watching anime, conversations on IRC or Discord with long time friends, making stuff in the figurative garage that will never see the light of day... The list goes on. And that's besides life's necessities like work, chores around the house, cooking+eating... The list goes on. There's just so many god damn things I could or should be doing instead of marriage. I literally do not have the…

>me? find a gal? nope siree. i simply have too many video games to play and anime to watch! this wolf rides solo. at the end of the day i simply couldnt imagine myself with a sweet little missus in my arms... honestly, i retch at the thought! id much rather hotglue my hatsune miku figurine

trust me brother, the day will come when video games, anime, and surrogate friendships get boring. the copes and distractions dont last forever.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#53

Post by mcphage »

SebFender wrote: post #39
glimshe wrote: post #8

We were sold a model where having a career is the most important thing in life, at the expense of family and relationships. Because of that, the world gets richer but unhappier. Additionally, local human contact has been replaced by a world of upvotes by strangers with quirky online names. We need to work on figuring out how we can get the undeniable benefits of modern technologies without forgetting our biological n…

I've been raised in an environment where we talked with neighbours and so on - Now 50 after moving a few times - I feel many times people look at me weird when I say things like "Hi, Hey what's this dog breed", "Did you just move in?" or "If you need anything I'm in the house over there"... I'm not looking to build a relationship with everyone, but basic social skills are in some kind of drought.

There was recently a spate of people getting shot (or shot at) for knocking on someone’s door, or pulling into someone’s driveway. (Someone inevitably being an older white man.) How do you develop a sense of community with people who behave that way?

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#54

Post by satisfice »

potato3732842 wrote: post #38
portaouflop wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is your point in relation to the article? How would gender self-segregation be related to __rising__ rates of singledom?

I think the point he was getting at but failed to come around to was that men and women are different enough they don't actually want to spend time together all that much and historically just put up with it because of social pressure to get on the life path to raising a family and lack of access to casual sex. Sure, there's some mutual interests there that'll get them hanging out together but it's pretty minor overa…

A meaningful life is a “big” reason to mate. Living a life in service to worthy people and to be served in turn.

I had a training marriage that ended amicably, and since then have been married 34 years, almost. I live with my wife, grown son, and his wife. My son just celebrate his 10 year anniversary.

We’re not all shallow libertines out here.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#55

Post by mcphage »

Dalewyn wrote: post #26
binarymax wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And that’s the confusing thing to me. When I was in my 20s I spent most of my time outside of work being social. I worked 10-12 hour days. What are the things you’re doing that are a priority? I’m not judging - I’m honestly curious and want to understand.

Reading books, playing games, watching anime, conversations on IRC or Discord with long time friends, making stuff in the figurative garage that will never see the light of day... The list goes on. And that's besides life's necessities like work, chores around the house, cooking+eating... The list goes on. There's just so many god damn things I could or should be doing instead of marriage. I literally do not have the…

> And that's besides life's necessities like work, chores around the house, cooking+eating...

Life’s necessities are about more pleasant with someone by your side.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#56

Post by bradlys »

I think this is the new norm and it will only get worse. Social media isn’t going anywhere and the amount of interconnectedness we have is also not going anywhere. Everyone will be in an environment where any social trend will spread like wildfire and you’ll have to deal with it.

I don’t think there’s much we can do. More likely to see full blown communism than some improvement to the way we’re dating now.

I’ve been single for nearly four years. On paper, I’ve got almost all the things someone is looking for. My main issue is that I can’t find women who find me physically attractive. Social media and dating apps has made physical attraction more paramount than ever but I can’t do shit about it. I’m getting surgery next month in Beverly Hills to push it along but how many more surgeries will I need before someone will love me for who I am? Who knows but I’ll keep going until I get matched.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#57

Post by bradlys »

chneu wrote: post #41
binarymax wrote: post #21

It’s truly bizarre. I’m married and have a strong social life, but then I see things like this in my local subreddit where men just don’t want to go out and meet women. https://old.reddit.com/r/Rochester/comments/1hyh1r2/where_ar... I can’t believe that the thread exists. I can’t believe that a young single straight man wouldn’t be all over that event. Some good speculation on cause behind it in OP and this discussio…

Dating is pretty hostile nowadays. There are a lot of pretty crazy expectations. Coupled with a low tolerance for not meeting those expectations. The apps have created, for many people, a "grass is always greener on the next swipe" mentality. People who might be good partners are passed over because one or two things don't meet or exceed expectations. Meeting in real life is better but it's still a lot of work. There…

I’ll say that men in general suck in the same way that women in general suck. Both suck.

Being jaded and thinking only shit men exist is a very bad mentality. The women I know who didn’t stay jaded and pursued men who were reasonable and showed real interest back have been rewarded immensely. I’m in nyc right now and I see so many women hating every man because these gals only deal with men who refuse to settle down or commit. So many women I know are trying to get commitment from a man who doesn’t want to commit. They need to go to a different market segment but they refuse because the men who don’t commit have all the superficial things they want.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#58

Post by anthony_d »

mcphage wrote: post #53
SebFender wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been raised in an environment where we talked with neighbours and so on - Now 50 after moving a few times - I feel many times people look at me weird when I say things like "Hi, Hey what's this dog breed", "Did you just move in?" or "If you need anything I'm in the house over there"... I'm not looking to build a relationship with everyone, but basic social skills are in some kind of drought.

There was recently a spate of people getting shot (or shot at) for knocking on someone’s door, or pulling into someone’s driveway. (Someone inevitably being an older white man.) How do you develop a sense of community with people who behave that way?

Luckily most people don’t want to live like that. It’s true that people have lost a lot of their ability to socialize, but the kind of hate you’re promoting takes a lot more work. It’s tiring for everyone.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#59

Post by binarymax »

Gvaskas wrote: post #30
binarymax wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And that’s the confusing thing to me. When I was in my 20s I spent most of my time outside of work being social. I worked 10-12 hour days. What are the things you’re doing that are a priority? I’m not judging - I’m honestly curious and want to understand.

A very common sentiment among young men is that "the juice ain't worth the squeeze". There is a sense that the average man is being expected to meet increasingly demanding requirements - career, social, fitness, etc (some of which are literally impossible for many due to height, balding, or facial attractiveness) - for a shot at an overweight woman past her prime with dozens of flings and a couple abortions in her pa…

It sounds like you've had some bad experiences, but putting the blame entirely on the other gender is not a healthy approach to the situation.

Re: The relationship recession is going global

#60

Post by deanmoriarty »

bradlys wrote: post #56

I think this is the new norm and it will only get worse. Social media isn’t going anywhere and the amount of interconnectedness we have is also not going anywhere. Everyone will be in an environment where any social trend will spread like wildfire and you’ll have to deal with it. I don’t think there’s much we can do. More likely to see full blown communism than some improvement to the way we’re dating now. I’ve been…

> My main issue is that I can’t find women who find me physically attractive

My main issue is that I can't find someone willing to sell me $VTI at $100/share. Is it possible that your standards of what you consider a woman "attractive enough to date" are too high, and so you are filtering out potential candidates that would be happy to be with you?

Four years seems like a really long time for someone actively looking to be in a relationship to stay single, and surgery with the objective of finding a partner seems wildly extreme (just my own opinion, I clearly do not know your circumstances).

I am the most average looking (if that) man on the planet, and really never had too much trouble dating, and I live in Silicon Valley where the statistics are not even in my favor. Certainly I never went after the prototypical "Instagram model" as that would have dramatically affected my chances, but by no means I am less happy.

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