Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

orkohunter.net

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

441–450 of 473 posts

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#441

Post by fud101 »

atleastoptimal wrote: post #307

I am an introvert not because I don’t like socializing with people, but rather because I can’t shake the impression that they don’t like socializing with me (and I have been proven right in this notion). In order to become more likable I’ve had to adopt an extremely perceptive and self critical mental framework to analyze every thing I could be doing wrong to annoy or offend people. It has worked, and people seem to…

oversharing, being mean or harsh, not being sympathetic, not continuing the conversation etc, those would hurt your socialising.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#442

Post by fsckboy »

thaumasiotes wrote: post #434
fsckboy wrote: post #420

Earlier quoted context omitted.

the goal is for them to be independent variables in the statistical sense. science is a process of refinement so there will undoubtedly be improvements, but they are as independent as they can be based on current knowledge, they can be measured separately, and people exist in every combination (the scales of each measure are not dependent on one another), and we can't describe what we know about personality without i…

> the goal is for them to be independent variables in the statistical sense. No, it isn't. The goal is for them to have high explanatory power. They aren't independent variables, and the fact that they aren't is a frequent criticism of them. But it's not relevant to whether they are useful descriptors or predictors. Compare https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits#Li... : > In many studies, the five…

that description does not disagree with me.

It was developed by people fully aware of what orthogonality is, and understanding of why orthogonality is desirable. The fact that it is not perfect is indicative of the complexity of psychology and the bluntness of our tools. There is no system that is more orthogonal that explains near as much (I qualify it that way because dead vs alive is simple and pure but of little explanatory power).

We have nothing better than the Big Five (there are proposed refinements but they are not yet generally accepted), and it is better than what came before. The Big Five separates variables that used to be mixed, and can't yet explain the unexplained, but neither can any other system.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#443

Post by fud101 »

ternnoburn wrote: post #194

This author is deeply deeply misunderstanding other humans. They are applying a "it worked for me, therefore it works for all" mentality. And worse yet, coming to the wrong conclusions. You do not need to be an extrovert at work to get ahead. Full stop. Does it help in some ways? Sure, but you can be equally successful as an introvert as long as you are able to communicate clearly when needs demand it. Plenty of exce…

I think you've compensated by becoming excellent. That's not necessarily an option for others?

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#444

Post by mixmastamyk »

gedy wrote: post #391
atleastoptimal wrote: post #307

I am an introvert not because I don’t like socializing with people, but rather because I can’t shake the impression that they don’t like socializing with me (and I have been proven right in this notion). In order to become more likable I’ve had to adopt an extremely perceptive and self critical mental framework to analyze every thing I could be doing wrong to annoy or offend people. It has worked, and people seem to…

In the context of work outings and socializing, this is doubly so if you are older or unattractive. If you are at a company with a lot of young 20 somethings, they largely really have no interest in being around you, and attempts to socialize with opposite sex can easily be misconstrued (by them) as unwanted. So it's frankly not worth it, and not sure why I'd even want to put myself in those situations. And before yo…

People will want to talk with an older boss.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#445

Post by kanbara »

caeril wrote: post #389
gosub100 wrote: post #365

Earlier quoted context omitted.

why? because you don't think we're fully-capable adults here, able to weigh information and accept/reject it with full agency?

[flagged]

using IQ as some sort of gotcha here fails at face value -- major dunning-kruger vibes, as an HNer (almost as bad as saying redditor) has no formal education nor training nor certification to make qualified statements on diagnoses.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#446

Post by bawolff »

cardanome wrote: post #427
bawolff wrote: post #424

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is wrong. Career success comes from providing value to people (who have power over you). Getting them to like you is the easiest but not only way.

Isn't being liked by someone and providing value to someone basically the same? At least in a corporate context, a healthy way to think about this stuff this way in your private life. I only examples I can think of where you are valued but not liked is maybe when you are valued as a scapegoat or something, like abusive stuff but generally being liked and providing value should be ideally be the same. Of course you ca…

You could be valued in the sense of you get the job done competently, but not liked in the sense of not being friends (being actively disliked is a bit different and that is dedinitely a problem).

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#447

Post by bawolff »

Barrin92 wrote: post #410
bawolff wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

if you're staying fit because you are being pressured, you probably aren't having any fun. Staying fit by doing something you enjoy (hiking, sports with friends, whatever) you are probably going to have more fun, and stick with it. If you only socialize with people you don't like because you are "forced"/"pressured" to, you aren't going to have a good time. Socializing is supposed to be fun, if you turn it into a job…

>if you're staying fit because you are being pressured, you probably aren't having any fun Not everything in life is about "having fun". Pushing yourself beyond your own comfort zone, or being pushed, is by definition not going to be enjoyable in some superficial sense, but it's the only way you'll ever actually engage with anything new or unfamiliar and grow. Nobody who is grossly out of shape enjoys showing up at t…

> Not everything in life is about "having fun".

Of course not. However i would put recreational activities squarely in the "having fun" category.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#449

Post by xvector »

bravetraveler wrote: post #145
sabellito wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely bizarre that you're being downvoted. Having panic attacks is not a normal reaction to any normal human situation, gp absolutely should look for medical and psychological help.

It's a normal reaction to trauma, a psychological condition - not medical. I'd guess that's where the strife is driven. You make a better point to cover the gamut

Panic attacks, especially as described by the OP (caused by normal situations, takes "days to recover"), likely fall within the realm of psychiatric care instead of mere psychological care, so I would argue they are a medical issue in this case.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#450

Post by bravetraveler »

xvector wrote: post #449
bravetraveler wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a normal reaction to trauma, a psychological condition - not medical. I'd guess that's where the strife is driven. You make a better point to cover the gamut

Panic attacks, especially as described by the OP (caused by normal situations, takes "days to recover"), likely fall within the realm of psychiatric care instead of mere psychological care, so I would argue they are a medical issue in this case.

Understandable. I didn't really want to pick on this much more than it had been, already

I can't anticipate and make every argument, despite everyone on the internet trying.

Post reply on HN