Making Friends Over 30 with Grubwithus

I don't want to criticize the post as promotional, because it's the company blog, and it's their job to be talking about themselves. At the same time, I don't think it's a real answer to the NY Times article. You're not going to make friends over one dinner.

I've gone to a couple GrubWithUs dinners, and they were great. I met interesting people, had interesting conversations, and even made some new acquaintances.

I didn't "make friends," though. That's a much different thing, and comes from a different place. The original NY Times article made great points about our changing nature as we mature getting in the way of deep friendships. That's all true, but there are also logistical practicalities.

The great friends you make in school or college are people that you saw every day, or at least every week, in class and around campus. You shared groups and activities, whether it was a sport, a band, drama club, your D&D group, whatever. Friendship takes repeated exposure in mundane situations.

I've had some great, intense experiences with acquaintances as an adult. A few years ago, I took a cross-country road trip with a guy that I met through a mutual friend. I was writing an article about the Smart Car, and he was my photographer. We drove 4,000 miles over 12 days, and had a great time. We both live in New York, and I even run into him at the occasional show. Without a regular, everyday reason to hang out, though, we just faded into acquaintances.

For people who want to have real friendships as adults, maybe what we need is some kind of structure in our lives that more closely resembles what people have earlier in life. For myself, I still have a D&D group, and while I don't want to hang out with everyone all the time, I have made some real and lasting friendships in the group. I'm sure most people could think of some way to find structure and camaraderie on a regular basis. I don't think GrubWithUs really does that, though.

I actually did register on Grubwithus after seeing it recommended in the original thread.

It appears there is an event in my town on Thursday, and it shows a few people who will be attending. To reserve a seat, I have to pay $22. Where is the event? It doesn't say, except that the location is "near Portland" and will be revealed "soon". What will we be eating? It doesn't say.

I dunno about you guys but that much info is not exactly enough for me to plunk down $22. "Near Portland" is especially ominous, that could be anywhere in a 50 mile radius.

Who knows, maybe I am using it wrong.

> I didn't "make friends," though.

Well, you have to start somewhere, and acquaintances are a first step.

My own negative reaction to the article came from the idea of being stuck next to other people at a dinner. I recall one time in Austria being sat across the table from an individual whose idea of a shower was apparently going hiking during the summer rains - and it was February.

But hey, I guess everyone tries different things, and you see what works. This is as good as anything.

Insightful post. I've noticed the same thing by going to Reddit meetups. With the exception of recurring events (like boardgame night) you really only see the "regulars" once a month, so if you miss one meetup, you really lose out on a chance to get to know anyone. That, and despite bars having the right atmosphere for a meetup, it's usually impossible to talk to anyone outside of the 3-4 people directly next to you.

That is very common on startup blogs. I still haven't been able to figure out why. Given how prevalent and obvious it is, it has to be intentional. Or maybe they are all just blindly copying each other and not realizing the person who started the trend made a mistake? lol