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The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

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Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#141

Post by robocat »

jancsika wrote: post #89

> While the reality is, it takes effort to communicate and drains energy for everyone. This is a low effort take that depends on the ambiguity of language to sound true. "Drain" for the author apparently means literally using up a finite amount of human energy, concentration, and willpower. That's a truism. "Drain" for an introvert can mean anything from starting a muscle tension clock that will eventually cause a he…

> haven't been taught how to say no or set boundaries

For more than a few of my friends, assertiveness and confrontation are incredibly unnatural and stressful for them. For some people saying no and setting boundaries isn't easy for them to learn: I'm not sure I've ever seen it taught. One socially skilled friend got a swor serious panic attack from having to try and be assertive.

You are implicitly accepting people can be introverted, but imply that people can just learn to say no.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#142

Post by robocat »

jrs235 wrote: post #57
rors wrote: post #44

I feel like a lot of these debates boil down dealing with discomfort. We seem to be creating a society where everyone feels they have the right to not feeling stressed and uncomfortable. The danger to never feeling challenged is that you don't grow. You get stuck in a rut and everyone passes you by. Part of dealing with discomfort is learning what your limits are. No one should put themselves in a situation with you…

I agree. While some people are uncomfortable in social settings and/or talking alot, especially "small talk", other people are uncomfortable sitting in silence. BOTH types of people need to work on be more comfortable being uncomfortable. However, it's seen as rude to tell overs to just "be quiet for a bit and enjoy the silence" vs "you're socially awkward because you refuse to talk to me"... My father in law seems u…

Maybe he's trying to "give" as per https://www.experimental-history.com/p/good-conversations-ha...

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#143

Post by dyauspitr »

onemoresoop wrote: post #137
zeroonetwothree wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ever since I stopped doing this I’ve been much happier. Now that I’m old I don’t feel pressure to conform to social norms, I just do whatever I want. If that means I don’t see anyone else for weeks who cares. In my youth I felt so much pressure to be social and it’s just not what I want to be doing.

Pressure to be social is like pressure to stay fit. If you don’t put any effort it atrophies.

If you have a family already what’s the payoff though. I never get any great feelings from social visits, I just do it to be an upstanding member of society and so my daughter has friends.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#144

Post by tapland »

sabellito wrote: post #94
xvector wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "Drain" for an introvert can mean anything from starting a muscle tension clock that will eventually cause a headache to a straight-up panic attack that could take hours/days to recover from. Unless you are being hyperbolic with your usage of the word "panic attack", having one during social events is not "being an introvert," it's a medical condition. I am an introvert and have also had unrelated panic attacks. Pa…

Absolutely bizarre that you're being downvoted. Having panic attacks is not a normal reaction to any normal human situation, gp absolutely should look for medical and psychological help.

So if the person has, let’s say, autism, and will not be able to endure this for longer than a few hours before becoming completely overwhelmed.

What do you want these people to do, since they aren’t allowed to respond how they might do? When and where are they welcome in society?

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#145

Post by bravetraveler »

sabellito wrote: post #94
xvector wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "Drain" for an introvert can mean anything from starting a muscle tension clock that will eventually cause a headache to a straight-up panic attack that could take hours/days to recover from. Unless you are being hyperbolic with your usage of the word "panic attack", having one during social events is not "being an introvert," it's a medical condition. I am an introvert and have also had unrelated panic attacks. Pa…

Absolutely bizarre that you're being downvoted. Having panic attacks is not a normal reaction to any normal human situation, gp absolutely should look for medical and psychological help.

It's a normal reaction to trauma, a psychological condition - not medical. I'd guess that's where the strife is driven. You make a better point to cover the gamut

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#146

Post by sega_sai »

I don't find this convincing as an introvert. Dealing with shyness or being an introvert required me reading a few books and techniques how to deal with it. In the end that helped, but it was not as easy as just 'try harder' and took a few years. I also wish I realised earlier that it was an issue that needed addressing, but no one told me that. Overall the article seems to trivialize the issue in my opinion.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#148

Post by fader »

kstrauser wrote: post #86

I regularly say yes to work dinners and such that I don’t personally want to attend. That sort of thing is far outside my comfort zone, and that’s exactly why I do it. It’s good exercise to pretend to be outgoing and chatty for an evening. Like any other skill, you get better at it with practice! And the author here is so right: almost everyone else at these things besides the salespeople are probably also introverts…

You might be surprised at how many salespeople are also introverts. Through years of being an (introverted) sales engineer, I've learned that outgoing socialization can be tough even for salespeople. Some of the most successful sales people I've worked with need to go quietly recharge for a day after a ton of meetings, just like I do. The biggest differentiator there is that the ones who can't manage it with a smile don't last long.

Relationship building in sales, like all skills, can be learned, even if it's draining.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#149

Post by semireg »

dyauspitr wrote: post #143
onemoresoop wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pressure to be social is like pressure to stay fit. If you don’t put any effort it atrophies.

If you have a family already what’s the payoff though. I never get any great feelings from social visits, I just do it to be an upstanding member of society and so my daughter has friends.

It might be nice to have a social safety net when you age and your children leave you.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#150

Post by dgfitz »

semireg wrote: post #149
dyauspitr wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you have a family already what’s the payoff though. I never get any great feelings from social visits, I just do it to be an upstanding member of society and so my daughter has friends.

It might be nice to have a social safety net when you age and your children leave you.

Why? What would be nice about it?
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