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The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

nytimes.com

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Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#241

Post by sp332 »

zerostar07 wrote: post #171
chernevik wrote: post #72

At first I and my best friend regarded each other as assholes, but we were forced together by a casual bridge game. One afternoon I arrived at his house to discover the game was off -- he'd been accused of date rape and he and his housemates were processing the news. He'd slept with a friend of his girlfriend and this story was her excuse to the girlfriend. I remember leaving the room, looking out a window and thinki…

Let's face it, many of us make soul-deadening choices and become much less interesting. Wonder what could be done to break that vicious cycle

Continuing a ridiculous amount of drama into later life. Strong personalities multiply personality conflicts. If you want a peaceful workplace, most people will have to be much less "interesting".

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#243

Post by JanezStupar »

tsotha wrote: post #239
JanezStupar wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a couple of wealthier friends and one that is getting wealthier by the day. The way I solved this problem between us is that I refuse to accept "mercy" gifts. I will accept an earnest gift when It is presented out of kindness. Also I demand that our financials be thoroughly transparent with me covering my fair share. It works exceptionally well, allowing for our friendship to develop at its own and sincere pac…

They're lucky to have you as a friend. But the friendship started before they became wealthy, right? That way they'll never have to wonder if you're working some kind of long angle.

No, not really.

Regarding the long angle, of course I am working the long angle. As I said, these people help me move along, just not in a way where I would be a mere client.

If I am not interested in having fish caught for me - that doesn't mean I am not interested in learning everything I can about fishing.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#244

Post by dcotter »

subpixel wrote: post #90
rubashov wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Beyond the juvenile stage men can't bond through "play time". Men bond through shared struggle and purpose. You aren't going to make close lifetime male friends at some stupid beer centric sports league. http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Men-Jack-Donovan/dp/0985452307 I think it's an interesting distinction that this is not really true of women. Women can get close over various shared interests and activities.

At first glance, I totally thought you were linking to a book by Jack Donaghy.

It doesn't hurt the man-cred, does it?

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#245

Post by dcotter »

corin_ wrote: post #226
digitalsushi wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Making the claim it's better in Old English is just a transparent way of bragging you know Old English. And it's subjective how best to enjoy something. It's like telling someone they need an ice cube in their scotch.

Irrelevant and pedantic point here, but I would suggest it's more like telling someone they need to not have an ice cube in their scotch, very few scotch snobs would argue pro-ice :)

Just a transparent way of telling me you know how to drink Scotch. Damn knowledge snobs!

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#246

Post by corin_ »

dcotter wrote: post #245
corin_ wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Irrelevant and pedantic point here, but I would suggest it's more like telling someone they need to not have an ice cube in their scotch, very few scotch snobs would argue pro-ice :)

Just a transparent way of telling me you know how to drink Scotch. Damn knowledge snobs!

Actually despite being a scotch snob who spends a lot of his money on really nice bottles... I do enjoy it chilled sometimes (though a friend got me "whiskey stones" for Christmas, so I use them instead of ice!) I'm a snob to what I consider bad whiskey, not to what might be considered a bad whiskey drinker :)

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#247

Post by thedillio »

In hindsight, I realize that I took the relationships in my life for granted when i was younger because I always had an abundance of them in high school and college. 

Back then I was very involved in church, went on ski trips, camping trips, kayaking, and participated in weekly extracurricular activities. Friends were just around all the time. 

Also looking back, all of my good memories are people an experiences, not money, projects, or things - all of which education and the real world focus you on.

Now that I'm 28 and have a family, it is difficult to spend time with friends - even the ones with families as well.  Everyone has jobs and lots of other commitments.

By now most of my college friends have moved away and even the ones that haven't I rarely see.

These days I make a conscious effort to attend anything I possibly can with friends, and it certainly helps.

My point is that if there are any high school/college aged people reading my advice is that you take advantage of every opportunity with friends now.  Focus on quality and quantity of relationships.  If you have a choice between a "B" on a project if you go out with friends and an "A" if you stay home and study, pick the former.  The relationships you build will be far more useful to you in life that getting the "A."  

Not saying all the fun stops, it just becomes less sporadic and further between visits with friends.

The reason I am saying all of this is because I wish someone would have told it to me...not that I would have listened anyway.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#248

Post by username3 »

plinkplonk wrote: post #191
winter_blue wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you want really good theology I would recommend Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis: http://www.amazon.com/Mere-Christianity-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652... I'm a Christian myself and have been one for nearly two two years. I came from a more or less non-religious background growing up and today Christ is of utmost importance in my life displacing everything else. I look forward to ultimate redemption of mankind - basically a…

ugh the last thing we want - Christian (or any other religion for that matter) dogma and evangelization on HN. What's next? A discussion of the Occultation of the Hidden Imam? This stuff on HN needs flagging.

HN discussions are different from other communities. I don't mind threads that veer off-topic, religious or not.

http://www.paulgraham.com/disagree.html

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#249

Post by TheSOB88 »

sp332 wrote: post #241
zerostar07 wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Let's face it, many of us make soul-deadening choices and become much less interesting. Wonder what could be done to break that vicious cycle

Continuing a ridiculous amount of drama into later life. Strong personalities multiply personality conflicts. If you want a peaceful workplace, most people will have to be much less "interesting".

You can be interesting without forcing your perspective on others. You don't have to tell other people they're wrong in order to tell them how you feel, though it often happens with nerds like us.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#250

Post by sp332 »

TheSOB88 wrote: post #249
sp332 wrote: post #241

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Continuing a ridiculous amount of drama into later life. Strong personalities multiply personality conflicts. If you want a peaceful workplace, most people will have to be much less "interesting".

You can be interesting without forcing your perspective on others. You don't have to tell other people they're wrong in order to tell them how you feel, though it often happens with nerds like us.

If you're really passionate about something and motivated to change the world, and you meet someone passionate and motivated about something that conflicts, there are not many peaceful outcomes. Basically either one person gets steamrolled so bad they have no power left, or one (or both) simply defer to the other.
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