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Always go to the funeral (2005)

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Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#151

Post by jll29 »

nytesky wrote: post #149
io84 wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was raised like this and find it heart warming to see funerals filled with wider community. I did misjudge it once: I was living in a different country with two fellow Irish people and the relative of a good friend died. In Ireland it would have been expected that we attend the funeral, in this case we showed up and there were only six closest relatives there, and our presence just felt inappropriate. I now know yo…

We had a similar issue. We ended up at a funeral for our daughter’s teacher (we brought the kids as she knew all of them), and somehow ended up in the family greeting line intended for close friends and family. It felt so intrusive and they were like “why are you here”. The cherry on top was our youngest started getting restless during service and we had to leave early and we didn’t sit in the back. I had only been t…

To ask "why are you here?" suggests these people were poorly raised or just plain rude.

Attendees of a funeral make an effort to pay their respects to the deceased and to express their condolences to the family left behind.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#152

Post by Spooky23 »

o11c wrote: post #16

> By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals. Is it just me or does this actually seem kind of low ? They say your social cluster is 150 people, so you should be going to about 2 funerals every year (this ignores age-clustering, but that's counterbalanced by the fact that you often go to funerals slightly outside your cluster and the fact that the cluster changes over time).

Depends on your relative age and family size. For me, my 40s are for funerals like my late 20s were for weddings.

Nowadays many families have just one or two kids and everyone is spread over all of country and world.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#153

Post by jll29 »

wvlia5 wrote: post #105

I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.

Fix your points of regret while this is still possible. If you do so, you will find that very likely, you will want to go once successful.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#154

Post by bsuvc »

wvlia5 wrote: post #105

I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.

It's not about you.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#155

Post by vitiral »

wvlia5 wrote: post #106
sgt101 wrote: post #102

I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak. It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't. I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.

But it's a somewhat odd custom no? Funerals. Probably no one stood up to talk because it felt awkward, as it is. It's not like you hurt your friends feelings for not speaking up.

Funerals are an "odd custom"? What an entirely odd thing to say, I cannot imagine what you mean. Why is meditating on the passing of a friend, remembering their life and being present with the grief of their family "odd"??

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#157

Post by qup »

block_dagger wrote: post #156

I declined to attend one of my grandfathers’ funerals. I did not consider him a good man and did not feel love for him while he was alive. I have never regretted it.

It's not about attending in spite of disdain or contempt. I think you would be advised to skip that one.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#158

Post by [deleted] »

wvlia5 wrote: post #105

I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.

[deleted]

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#159

Post by Popeyes »

guappa wrote: post #108
wvlia5 wrote: post #105

I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.

They are dead but the other people who attend aren't

I went to a friends mothers funeral to support him and to pay my respects. However, his brother who had a fractious relationship with his siblings did not. I can't tell you how many relatives viewed his absence negatively.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#160

Post by rralian »

> In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing.

Wow. This part really resonated with me. I will try to keep this in mind.

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