Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

shreyans.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

121–130 of 260 posts

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#121

Post by anon291 »

627467 wrote: post #66
llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

And you don't think the destruction of the village and sharp decline in birth rate feed of each other? Individuals have outsourced so much to abstract "institutions" that they can't see alternatives whatever precarious and worsening services these institutions provide.

Part of the problem is that preferring family today is seen as nepotistic.

Witness the widespread shock that Joe Biden pardoned his son.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#122

Post by The_Colonel »

nickpsecurity wrote: post #80
hiatus wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You haven't addressed the secondary point I was making: what does an innocent child have to repent for? What is the purpose of their gruesome death? If it is for the benefit of others, that means some of us are just pawns for the lessons of others. The alternative is that some kids just die through no fault of their own and for no reason at all (which leads to the question: why would an all-knowing, loving god allow…

To understand this, you have to start with four components: God’s sovereignty; human’s autonomy with consequences; individual vs group effects; all sin (evil) must be punished. God is sovereign which means He can do what He pleases. He created us to worship Him and love each other. He’s also painting a story of humanity that shows who He is (all attributes), who we are, and how that interacts. We are all part of the…

[flagged]

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#123

Post by anon291 »

IgorPartola wrote: post #85
627467 wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And you don't think the destruction of the village and sharp decline in birth rate feed of each other? Individuals have outsourced so much to abstract "institutions" that they can't see alternatives whatever precarious and worsening services these institutions provide.

No. The reason why is because we have opportunities to move up and down the social ladder. Basically it’s not really like the whole village raised your kid before, that’s more of a romanticized version. What happened was that your extended family helped because you lived with them for your entire life. So you have a kid, your sister in law watches them along with your mother while you work. Where do you work? Well th…

Simply not true. My grandparents moved from India to watch us. They didn't have to. They did live with us for a while but in my parents house

In no way did we live with them. They lived with us.

Ultimately this is cultural. JD Vance talks about this when it comes to his mother in law who did the same thing.

Cultures that value kids will have more. My parents did the same for us

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#124

Post by llm_trw »

llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

Do you think this could be because you have so many children?

Anecdotally the more kids in a family the more neglected the child. I can't imagine having more than one child a decade and raising them well.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#125

Post by WalterBright »

llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

Delaying having children until ones' 30s also is a problem. After 30, fertility rates decline, and birth defects increase. You can't have a lot of children after 30, either.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#126

Post by WalterBright »

llm_trw wrote: post #124
llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

Do you think this could be because you have so many children? Anecdotally the more kids in a family the more neglected the child. I can't imagine having more than one child a decade and raising them well.

I was one of 5. I was not neglected. I am a horrible person, though, so there's that.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#127

Post by llm_trw »

anon291 wrote: post #121
627467 wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And you don't think the destruction of the village and sharp decline in birth rate feed of each other? Individuals have outsourced so much to abstract "institutions" that they can't see alternatives whatever precarious and worsening services these institutions provide.

Part of the problem is that preferring family today is seen as nepotistic. Witness the widespread shock that Joe Biden pardoned his son.

The shock is because he said multiple times he wouldn't do it.

You can't do better than the daily show coverage of it: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V5BcIHPMAHw

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#128

Post by mberning »

mr_mitm wrote: post #9

Is it like this for everyone? I sometimes wonder how large the number of cases is where the parent does not feel like that at all but refrains from sharing it due to societal expectations and fear of being judged. It would introduce a bias regarding these stories.

I absolutely do not share my true feelings about fatherhood. They would not be viewed kindly or understood by most. Also, how I feel about things does not matter, at all. My obligation is the same regardless of how I feel. So I do my best to adjust my attitude and soldier on. This is just one of the many alienating and lonely aspects of fatherhood.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#129

Post by WalterBright »

anon291 wrote: post #120
llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

We don't have a village because no one has kids. The parents I know who are best supported are ones who have tons of siblings.

True. Those with large numbers of kids tend to have a family network of mutual support.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#130

Post by llm_trw »

WalterBright wrote: post #126
llm_trw wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you think this could be because you have so many children? Anecdotally the more kids in a family the more neglected the child. I can't imagine having more than one child a decade and raising them well.

I was one of 5. I was not neglected. I am a horrible person, though, so there's that.

Your parents by definition will only be able to spend 20% of the time on you that they could on a single child if they didn't neglect the others.

Seeing children with multiple siblings with less than 8 year difference between them vs single children is shocking just how differently kids are treated.

This is the most accurate but least factual description of what it looks like from the outside when a family keeps adding kids as fast as they can https://malcolminthemiddle.fandom.com/wiki/Flashback

Post reply on HN