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The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

shreyans.org

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Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#31

Post by rayiner »

mr_mitm wrote: post #9

Is it like this for everyone? I sometimes wonder how large the number of cases is where the parent does not feel like that at all but refrains from sharing it due to societal expectations and fear of being judged. It would introduce a bias regarding these stories.

We have scientific evidence that parenthood floods your brain with all sorts of chemicals, and changes how your brain responds to stimuli. It’s a deeply rooted biological reflex. It may not be true for everyone, but it’s true of close to everyone.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#33

Post by isoprophlex »

causal wrote: post #26
RunSet wrote: post #18

Counterpoint: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36057840/

This is not a counterpoint.

I definitely feel a lot dumber compared to ~8 years and three kids ago. Lack of sleep, lack of agency, continuous need for some background level of vigilance...

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#36

Post by dgfitz »

mattgreenrocks wrote: post #24
nazghoul wrote: post #3

Good read. I really liked the line about soliciting advice from second time parents. Also: “We all came out like this. This is how it has always happened. Insane.“ … I was a C-section :P

Pet peeve: parents you meet in passing warning me that $THEIR_KIDS_AGE is actually the hardest age to parent after asking how old my son is. :) Nobody said it was going to be easy. They’re just venting after all. I just smile and nod.

I always tell my spouse: “the easiest day we had with the kids was yesterday” and they’re 2, 4, and 10.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#37

Post by aliasxneo »

nickpsecurity wrote: post #2

That was a great article. It highlights many things I routinely hear in church about how God works through families. They and the books we read talk about how children are a gift that humbles us, starts transforming our character, and teaches us a lot. God uses children in big ways. Recently, we’ve been reading Disciplines of a Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes. Today we’re to discuss the chapter on Fatherhood. I was happy…

I was gonna say you must be new to HN, but it appears you’re not. I assumed the anti-Christian sentiment had finally driven most Christians away from here.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#39

Post by 627467 »

ariwilson wrote: post #27
A_D_E_P_T wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's certainly not. To speak plainly, I wasn't terribly interested in my son until he turned 3 years old. Then he started talking, started developing a personality with interests of his own, and fatherhood then became much more interesting. But I was intentionally quite uninvolved in those very early years. I don't regret this, don't see how else it could have been, and indeed I feel that some degree of fatherly aloo…

I feel sorry for the mother or whoever was taking care of your child for the first 3 years. Someone has to guide the small children towards being functional human beings and it's a lot of work. I found they have interesting personalities and ways of expressing themselves by 1 at the latest.

One does the best one can. But I guess "intentionally detaching" doesn't convey the best.

Even ignoring the extra work for the mother or whoever is actually providing the care, this conscious decision is not cost free for the future of the relationship with the child. It makes it harder to straighten the ship later.

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