161–170 of 202 posts
It took me a long time to realize that conversations are the building blocks of relationships. Want a relationship? You need to have conversations.
Exactly. My relationships got so much better after learning to be better at conversation.
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I did feel bad about it. I'm glad you said that, and I'm thankful for how it made me feel. It is exactly that feeling that continued to inspire growth and change. No doubt, I feel it again as people continue to pile on here. This is really good, because it will inspire even more growth, and more positive change.
I have to say, I like your attitude now. At least the way it comes across here.
If you think this transactionally, it may actively hurt your ability to build these relationships.
Simply be nice, be on time, work hard. Treat everyone, boss, colleague or subordinate with high degree of respect. Remember that they are human beings and have families, and respect that. Consider everyone in your company as a member of a team working for a common goal, and presume positive intent. Treat competitors and vendors with respect and act ethically. Just have good manners and empathy, really. This is much better because it works universally, not just in professional relationships.
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Hahaha, what a lovely story! Really shows what happens when we engage as _people_, not _opportunities_.
This is a lot of the misunderstanding around "networking" you see in discussions. A lot of tech people see it as an unwelcome task/burden. Whereas, it should be generally viewed as a pleasurable opportunity to just get to know people who may (or may not) be useful at some point in the future.
My social circles don't have much overlap with, for example, startup founders. Developing personal relationships in my network is not likely to ever benefit my career growth. When people give the advice to "network" to enable my career growth, the people who would be most helpful tend not to have much in common with me, and building relationships with them often means not being true to myself, or even hiding myself.
It isn't enough to simply build relationships or even be good at building relationships. Mostly, one needs to buy goodwill from those people who actually have power to help you.
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This is a lot of the misunderstanding around "networking" you see in discussions. A lot of tech people see it as an unwelcome task/burden. Whereas, it should be generally viewed as a pleasurable opportunity to just get to know people who may (or may not) be useful at some point in the future.
I think the misunderstanding, in fact, is in reverse, demonstrated by the above comment. The networking required for career growth is, for many people, never going to pleasurable. My social circles don't have much overlap with, for example, startup founders. Developing personal relationships in my network is not likely to ever benefit my career growth. When people give the advice to "network" to enable my career grow…
Nearly every professional 'relationship' I've had has been transient after you stop working with them, with people completely failing to reciprocate even after multiple attempts to reach out. From talking to people I know that this experience is not unique to me, this appears to be the norm, may be it's the industry I work in : software development.
Allow me to be crude for a second: half the people in software are likely autistic so I'm not surprised they struggle with building or maintaining relationships.
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I get it, as engineers we value efficiency and truth above almost everything else. But most people are not like us. They want to be appreciated, acknowledged, and seen above almost everything else. If you call up an old acquaintance and start the conversation by asking if they know of any job openings, you will be seen as someone who only values what they can DO for you, instead of who are they ARE to you. Nobody lik…
Exactly. Humans are so much more irrational and illogical than the machines we know. And this is a feature, not a bug.
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I'm not used to putting effort into friendships, so it does sound like an unwelcome task. And it sounds phony, since I have never put effort before. If I have to put effort then am I not faking it?
I'm "on the spectrum," so human relationships are a bit foreign to me. I'd make a great hermit. Pretty much every relationship I have "doesn't come natural." I need to put conscious effort into every one. I have also been involved in an organization, for most of my adult life, that has been instrumental, in helping to force me to have relationships with others, and it has taught me to be a good friend, and has given…
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Allow me to be crude for a second: half the people in software are likely autistic so I'm not surprised they struggle with building or maintaining relationships.
Honest question: has the software profession not been democratized to the point where "neurotypical" people have come to overtake these jobs from those stereotypical "basement dwellers"? Or would you argue that being on the autistic spectrum provides one with abilities that their unaffected counterparts cannot possess?
Many neurotypicals I see don't have that as their default processing mode. They can do it, but it's not their default.
So what you get is something that you can see with blind people as well: they get better at hearing because they spend much more time with it compared to people that can see (except for musicians, etc.).
Autistic software engineers spend a lot more time with bottom up style thinking (aka being detailed).
I'm on the spectrum too, mostly a non-stereotypical representation.