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How to grow professional relationships

tej.as

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Re: How to grow professional relationships

#151

Post by lovich »

tejaskumar_ wrote: post #135
lovich wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Transactional relationships are completely fine, and personally I prefer them in the work space. I was commenting on people who’s behavior creates transactional relationships when they wanted something with a deeper interpersonal relationships, and people whose behavior causes transactional relationships but also have nothing of value to make the transaction worth it. If a billionaire calls me up once every five year…

> I guess I’m saying you shouldn’t treat others as impersonal machines to be manipulated unless you are ok with that same behavior being turned back on yourself. This! However if you'll allow me—I think it's worth saying we shouldn’t treat others as impersonal machines to be manipulated _at all_ because we're never really okay with that same behavior being given back to us because of millenia of social, communal evol…

>This! However if you'll allow me—I think it's worth saying we shouldn’t treat others as impersonal machines to be manipulated _at all_ because we're never really okay with that same behavior being given back to us because of millenia of social, communal evolution.

That’s an argument I think I agree with but am not ready to defend tonight.

It’s much easier to defend the point that if you treat me solely as a resource to be exploited then you shouldn’t be surprised if others or myself treat you solely as a resource to be exploited

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#152

Post by Agentus »

lukan wrote: post #134
lovich wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Small talk doesn’t need to be about the weather as the trope goes. It can be as simple as “hey have you seen {shared colleague} recently?” Or “Hey man, you get into any new hobbies recently?”, or “I’ve been dabbling in {x} tech, have you done anything like it or are could recommend an alternative based on {personal information you got from collaborating with this person}” The main point in making is that you need to…

"The main point in making is that you need to continue in performing these relationship maintaining activities _before_ you need said persons help." Well, but I am quite good in determining if another person is just trying to be (fake) friendly, so they can get my help later and I am not interested in that and smalltalk won't create that bond for me. I am interested in genuine connections. So if someone asks this que…

small talk isnt pointless if done with an aim. this video help explains that https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw5CPtEyedU. seduction as applied to conversation.

also rather mundane conversation can be fun if done in the right manner. this video talks more on the right manner: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRG-YubP1rw

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#153

Post by BobaFloutist »

whatshisface wrote: post #131
tejaskumar_ wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know a few people like this and can confirm: they're extremely difficult to be around and take pride in it, feeling great about being "free thinkers" and breaking from the "herd mentality". This I feel is unfortunately counter to the design of humankind, where we are—as you said—social animals and the only way to change for the better—at a species level—is to change together.

Isn't that basis for criticism a little broad? It sounds like you're saying that vegetarianism, every religion, and a higher than average scrupulousness towards not littering are in the same category as picking your nose during a one on one.

Do you find that vegetarians, the religious, and people that are mindful about littering frequently take vocal pride in being "free thinkers"?

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#154

Post by chefandy »

askafriend wrote: post #80
dennis_jeeves2 wrote: post #68

Nearly every professional 'relationship' I've had has been transient after you stop working with them, with people completely failing to reciprocate even after multiple attempts to reach out. From talking to people I know that this experience is not unique to me, this appears to be the norm, may be it's the industry I work in : software development.

Allow me to be crude for a second: half the people in software are likely autistic so I'm not surprised they struggle with building or maintaining relationships.

Some of the most loyal and connected colleagues I've had have been autists. I have a lot in my family so there's probably some amount of "safe person" vibes I give off, but in my experience, many autists realize the value of someone they can feel comfortable talking to and confiding in that can comfortably navigate social situations and professional communication. Lots of "I just don't understand why they reacted like that-- what's your take?" kind of conversations. Most of these folks have been younger than me, though, so there could well be some other cultural factor at play: some way that young people are getting different experiences/skills/comfort levels now, or maybe their interaction style/strategy will change as they get older?

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#155

Post by chefandy »

dyauspitr wrote: post #92
dennis_jeeves2 wrote: post #68

Nearly every professional 'relationship' I've had has been transient after you stop working with them, with people completely failing to reciprocate even after multiple attempts to reach out. From talking to people I know that this experience is not unique to me, this appears to be the norm, may be it's the industry I work in : software development.

I could never talk to my colleagues with the same abandon that I do with my friends. They’re always slightly at arms length to maintain decorum.

I think that's probably ideal as a default approach. In my experience, when it moves beyond that into friendship, it's pretty organic rather than a conscious change in approach.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#156

Post by HeyLaughingBoy »

jjice wrote: post #35
mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

Does anyone have any practical advice to keeping up with former remote coworkers? My last job was remote with some fantastic people, but as time has passed and the company hasn't done incredibly well, people have scattered (including myself) and I've found it tricky to keep in touch. I'll video chat with some of them once every few months online, but I only have contact with some of them this way. For others, it feel…

I tend to use LinkedIn for that. It's fairly asynchronous and not too "in your face." I used to roll my eyes at their anniversary reminders, but then I realized it was a great opportunity to find out how someone was doing and just do a brief keep in touch kinda thing.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#157

Post by tejaskumar_ »

BobaFloutist wrote: post #153
whatshisface wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn't that basis for criticism a little broad? It sounds like you're saying that vegetarianism, every religion, and a higher than average scrupulousness towards not littering are in the same category as picking your nose during a one on one.

Do you find that vegetarians, the religious, and people that are mindful about littering frequently take vocal pride in being "free thinkers"?

The ones that I know don't, but I'm sure some do. Either way, these aren't the people I'm talking about.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#158

Post by tejaskumar_ »

HeyLaughingBoy wrote: post #156
jjice wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does anyone have any practical advice to keeping up with former remote coworkers? My last job was remote with some fantastic people, but as time has passed and the company hasn't done incredibly well, people have scattered (including myself) and I've found it tricky to keep in touch. I'll video chat with some of them once every few months online, but I only have contact with some of them this way. For others, it feel…

I tend to use LinkedIn for that. It's fairly asynchronous and not too "in your face." I used to roll my eyes at their anniversary reminders, but then I realized it was a great opportunity to find out how someone was doing and just do a brief keep in touch kinda thing.

Hey, this is actually a really good idea!

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#159

Post by trogdor »

tejaskumar_ wrote: post #117
that_guy_iain wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think his experience of racism and "shitboy" may have desensitised him to the whole thing. He was there for years before I joined and honestly, it was meant to be better then and had a bunch of work on the culture but it was still pretty shitty. I remember once I semi-joked "You guys talk about a culture problem in IT, it sounds like you have a Tejas problem" and he generally looked like he felt bad about it.

I did feel bad about it. I'm glad you said that, and I'm thankful for how it made me feel. It is exactly that feeling that continued to inspire growth and change. No doubt, I feel it again as people continue to pile on here. This is really good, because it will inspire even more growth, and more positive change.

I have to say, I like your attitude now. At least the way it comes across here.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#160

Post by chefandy »

spiderfarmer wrote: post #83
dennis_jeeves2 wrote: post #68

Nearly every professional 'relationship' I've had has been transient after you stop working with them, with people completely failing to reciprocate even after multiple attempts to reach out. From talking to people I know that this experience is not unique to me, this appears to be the norm, may be it's the industry I work in : software development.

It's not that I don’t want my private life to seep into work, it's that I don't want work to seep into my private life. So I don't need friends that are also colleagues or clients. I already have great friends. I'm a great colleague in every way possible, but I never feel the need to be anything more than that. For most people work / life balance is already tipping towards work. They want it to be the other way aroun…

When I've gotten friend from a job they stopped being mentally classified as a coworkers and started being classified as a friend I met at work. Aside from random bullshitting about shared experiences or whatever, I rarely felt compelled to discuss work with them any more than I did with other friends, and they can be really great at giving frank feedback when other coworkers might not have the guts. Unless there's a boss/subordinate relationship or a romantic connection, I've never seen or experienced any real problems or drama spring from workplace friendships.
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