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How to grow professional relationships

tej.as

21–30 of 202 posts

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#21
post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

Very good point.

What's the old saying "A friend in need, is a friend, indeed."?

I like to have personal relationships, as opposed to corporate ones.

Funny story: During the 1990s, my direct boss was a fairly low-key Japanese man. I really liked him. He was a marketing type, so we didn't really have a technical basis for our relationship. He was a decent chap, and I happily followed his orders. In return, he gave me a great deal of agency.

After he returned to Japan, we'd run into each other, from time to time, and it was always a warm, effusive greeting.

Years later, he was the Chairman of the Board of the corporation. I never leveraged the relationship, but my team was always treated well, at our level. We were a small technical team, and it would have been inappropriate to focus on us too much. I had very little ambition to go much higher up the corporate food chain, so all was fine. Once, he made a visit to our office (the US branch). It was a really big deal, and people were snapping to attention all over the building.

He dropped by my tiny little office, to say hi. It was really amusing, to see the puzzled expressions on all the corporate bigwigs in his entourage.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#22

Abandoning lost causes can be one of the toughest but most freeing decisions in relationships. I once worked with a colleague who seemed completely resistant to collaboration. No matter how much I tried to engage or find common ground, they kept shutting down any attempt at teamwork. But one day, I realized I was investing so much energy into something that wasn’t going anywhere.

Having been/am the other side this... they're probably relieved too. It can be counter-intuitive. Despite nature... there is potential for the desired outcome - with less pressure, honest [not forced] engagement. Personally, my apprehension comes from within. It's nothing to do with anything 'outside'. My water level is different, that's all. Most reasonable people feel overbearing - it's on me, not them.

Hmm, your analogy about water levels is so relatable. It captures how people’s capacity to engage can differ without it being anyone’s fault

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#23
I've no idea what to take from this. Large parts sound like carefully planned entryism: Identify the gatekeepers, if they reject you, move on.

The situation where the gatekeepers do let you in but their gatekeeping is not apparent until years later is not mentioned.

Providing excellent work is not mentioned.

Given the political state of software "development", the poster might be on to something, but it is hard to find any concrete advice.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did they consider kicking Bob out of the group?

This was highly discouraged as the whole point of the group projects was to teach how to deal with group dynamics.

Isn't a part of dealing with group dynamics though recognizing when there is harm in/to the group and removing it? (sorry)

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having been/am the other side this... they're probably relieved too. It can be counter-intuitive. Despite nature... there is potential for the desired outcome - with less pressure, honest [not forced] engagement. Personally, my apprehension comes from within. It's nothing to do with anything 'outside'. My water level is different, that's all. Most reasonable people feel overbearing - it's on me, not them.

Hmm, your analogy about water levels is so relatable. It captures how people’s capacity to engage can differ without it being anyone’s fault

Thank you, indeed. I can't take much credit... I heard it somewhere and think on it too much. We all carry different amounts and it's not all visible :) This affects us differently when things are smooth, rocky, or even just changing.

I have been exceedingly lucky so far to have mostly-cooperative environments, perhaps too much. I've been enabled to a few degrees

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having been/am the other side this... they're probably relieved too. It can be counter-intuitive. Despite nature... there is potential for the desired outcome - with less pressure, honest [not forced] engagement. Personally, my apprehension comes from within. It's nothing to do with anything 'outside'. My water level is different, that's all. Most reasonable people feel overbearing - it's on me, not them.

Hmm, your analogy about water levels is so relatable. It captures how people’s capacity to engage can differ without it being anyone’s fault

Exactly! And there's billions of people on the planet—at some point, people meet people with similar water levels.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#27
post #19
post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

Relationships are like a garden, they require continual, repeated effort to maintain. It doesn’t need to be an onerous amount of effort, but reaching out to people to shoot the shit once even a year is often enough to maintain the relationship for professional networks at least. In software we have an unfortunate amount of people who don’t value social connections at all so we end up with a large tranche of people wh…

Relationships really are like a garden—if you don’t tend to them, they wither

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#28
post #23

I've no idea what to take from this. Large parts sound like carefully planned entryism: Identify the gatekeepers, if they reject you, move on. The situation where the gatekeepers do let you in but their gatekeeping is not apparent until years later is not mentioned. Providing excellent work is not mentioned. Given the political state of software "development", the poster might be on to something, but it is hard to fi…

I apologize. This is good feedback for follow-up work though. Thank you!

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#29
post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

Very good point. What's the old saying "A friend in need, is a friend, indeed." ? I like to have personal relationships, as opposed to corporate ones. Funny story: During the 1990s, my direct boss was a fairly low-key Japanese man. I really liked him. He was a marketing type, so we didn't really have a technical basis for our relationship. He was a decent chap, and I happily followed his orders. In return, he gave me…

Hahaha, what a lovely story! Really shows what happens when we engage as _people_, not _opportunities_.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#30
post #19
post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

Relationships are like a garden, they require continual, repeated effort to maintain. It doesn’t need to be an onerous amount of effort, but reaching out to people to shoot the shit once even a year is often enough to maintain the relationship for professional networks at least. In software we have an unfortunate amount of people who don’t value social connections at all so we end up with a large tranche of people wh…

I think this is tricky.

I'm someone who very highly values social connections, but finds it a little bit awkward to just "shoot the shit". I really enjoy interacting with people based on shared experiences, of whatever type -- but as you say, many people really enjoy interactions which are lower-key.

You're not wrong, but interacting with others on their terms rather than yours can be a bit challenging at times, and easy to get wrong.

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