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How to grow professional relationships

tej.as

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Re: How to grow professional relationships

#11

Post by jameshush »

mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

I'll add to this: If you want to practice following up but are afraid of "bugging" someone, start by wishing 1-3 people happy birthday every day. I put every person I know birthday on one giant Google calendar and wish people happy every day. It's a super easy way to at least say "hi" to someone once a year.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#12

Post by tejaskumar_ »

MrMcCall wrote: post #10

I only skimmed it, but the framework is pretty sound, aside from the fact that what should be the focal point Love your neighbor as yourself seems to be buried at the end, so it doesn't look like he really takes that teaching to heart. I hope I'm wrong about this. Still, it's better than anything else I've seen on here in terms of group dynamics. It's a good step in right direction in this fraught world. ETA: And his…

I also hope you're wrong about this, but there's no way for me to know other than what my peers say (https://x.com/kilianvalkhof/status/1864284445584261163).

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#13

Post by tejaskumar_ »

jameshush wrote: post #11
mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

I'll add to this: If you want to practice following up but are afraid of "bugging" someone, start by wishing 1-3 people happy birthday every day. I put every person I know birthday on one giant Google calendar and wish people happy every day. It's a super easy way to at least say "hi" to someone once a year.

I love this.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#14

Post by MrMcCall »

tejaskumar_ wrote: post #12
MrMcCall wrote: post #10

I only skimmed it, but the framework is pretty sound, aside from the fact that what should be the focal point Love your neighbor as yourself seems to be buried at the end, so it doesn't look like he really takes that teaching to heart. I hope I'm wrong about this. Still, it's better than anything else I've seen on here in terms of group dynamics. It's a good step in right direction in this fraught world. ETA: And his…

I also hope you're wrong about this, but there's no way for me to know other than what my peers say ( https://x.com/kilianvalkhof/status/1864284445584261163 ).

We can know the truth of anything, most especially ourselves, as that truth is essential to our spiritual grown. As Rumi says, "The Way goes in."

Just before seeing your reply, I had just edited my comment to add my appreciation of your site and visage. In my experience, a person can't fake a smile like yours. People dealing with physical hardship often become close with our Creator, and are then filled with the light of love's radiance.

My blessing has been poverty and learning how to love God and others with all my heart. If that interests you, you can read my comment history and see if you find anything to take inspiration from. Or even contact me.

The Greatest Command(ment) is my family's North Star.

Peace be with you, and may your joy and success be neverending.

I am at your service. We love you.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#15

Post by blitzar »

mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

> bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever

This might out me as a psycopath, however, cut to the f'ing chase. If it is a transactional conversation don't insult my intelligence by pretending that it isn't. Obvioulsy this can create a problem as I tend towards "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

If something is within my means and the person hasn't made it onto my shit list I love to help out, it's what makes getting up in the morning worth while. Unfortunately we are all far more powerless than anyone can imagine and actually being able to do more than point people in the right direction, offer advice or just talk to someone is incredibly rare.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#16

Post by tejaskumar_ »

mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

I love this very much and strongly agree: I hate receiving those sheepish catch ups, especially when I anticipate an ask coming. In fact, if I sense I want to make an ask but I haven't spoken with someone in a long time, I just won't ask them for the thing because we don't have that context/rapport yet: it's a way of honoring them.

Continuing to make it practical, one thing that has served me well was to maintain a list of friends (I still do this) and text them at least once every day just following up or checking in. Some like it, some don't. For those that don't, that's their choice. The topics around abandoning lost causes kind of apply there: not that these people are lost causes, but daily checkins are. That's okay, to each their own. :)

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#17

Post by tejaskumar_ »

blitzar wrote: post #15
mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

> bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever This might out me as a psycopath, however, cut to the f'ing chase. If it is a transactional conversation don't insult my intelligence by pretending that it isn't. Obvioulsy this can create a problem as I tend towards "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". If something is within my m…

You're not a psychopath: I feel the same. However I still value showing them honor so I often deal with them with more kindness externally than I feel internally, recognizing my internal feeling is my own issue not theirs.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#18

Post by alexpotato »

tejaskumar_ wrote: post #7
alexpotato wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> No matter how much I tried to engage or find common ground, they kept shutting down any attempt at teamwork. This reminds me of a story from when I was in business school. We were assigned groups for project work and it was very difficult if not impossible to transfer out of a group. This was by design b/c the point was to teach the students to deal with interpersonal issues and group dynamics. My friend was in a g…

Did they consider kicking Bob out of the group?

This was highly discouraged as the whole point of the group projects was to teach how to deal with group dynamics.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#19

Post by lovich »

mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

Relationships are like a garden, they require continual, repeated effort to maintain.

It doesn’t need to be an onerous amount of effort, but reaching out to people to shoot the shit once even a year is often enough to maintain the relationship for professional networks at least.

In software we have an unfortunate amount of people who don’t value social connections at all so we end up with a large tranche of people who can’t get past the “but why would I talk to them without a specific reason?” argument and then lament why all of their relationships end up transactional, or even better lament why no one will help them specifically because all their relationships are transactional and they aren’t offering anything of value

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#20

Post by tejaskumar_ »

lovich wrote: post #19
mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

Relationships are like a garden, they require continual, repeated effort to maintain. It doesn’t need to be an onerous amount of effort, but reaching out to people to shoot the shit once even a year is often enough to maintain the relationship for professional networks at least. In software we have an unfortunate amount of people who don’t value social connections at all so we end up with a large tranche of people wh…

Love this. Thank you for posting it!
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