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Leaving and Waving

deannadikeman.com

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Re: Leaving and Waving

#91

Post by batch12 »

crabbone wrote: post #67
sdlkj- wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

to me this makes it all the more odd - at a glace the top level responses are about how the piece made them emotional/sad or are reminisces about their own parents. What's wrong with that? Because these folks experienced the "best outcome" (presumably to see their parents live to old age) they shouldn't get emotional about it?

"Emotional" is the kind of half-truth word. There are many different emotions. The emotion in question is what's responsible for the response. Saying "emotional" is omitting the important part. It's like saying "involved in road accident" w/o saying whether one caused the said accident or was the victim of. The top-level response in question is disgusting. It's like listening to someone who won a million dollars in a…

Silly comparison, but you should feel compassion when someone is hurting, yes. It doesn't matter if you think it's justified pain. It's still pain.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#92

Post by derbOac »

siavosh wrote: post #30

Beautiful. As I’ve grown older and moved back near my parents with my own family, this is something I think about every time we visit. I’m going to start taking some of these pictures.

I made a big move back near family that was hugely professionally disruptive to me (although beneficial for my partner). As time has gone on I've started to realize being away from family was weighing on me far more than I was aware of, especially with a new child.

Sometimes the move goes the other way. I have friends and extended family whose parents moved to be closer to them.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#93

Post by tanjtanjtanj »

adriand wrote: post #88
01HNNWZ0MV43FF wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My mom died a few years ago and I stopped talking to my dad over his Fox News brainworms. I feel like an orphan now. I have a couple siblings but we're distant.

Your dad is surely still suffering from this loss and if I had to guess, is probably awfully lonely and misses you. Life is too short to estrange family members over their political beliefs. Have you tried finding common ground in other areas, or asking your dad not to talk about politics? Along the lines of, “I miss you but your politics drive me crazy, can we hang out and not talk about anything political”? If your…

I can tell you from experience that this isn’t (solely) about politics.

Some, but not all, people sucked into the Fox News vortex literally have nothing else to talk about. Their entire life is Fox News, they will only talk about the topic du jour they saw on the screen that day. It becomes tiring to try to connect with someone who only wants to connect with you about hating the imagined scapegoat of the day.

It’s definitely not solely a Fox News thing, I’ve experienced people who will only think about the daily discourse on Twitter or are only interested in whatever twitch streamer got “owned” by whichever other streamer. It is draining dealing with people like this, especially when their entire world view is fed by misinformation.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#94

Post by BillSaysThis »

leobg wrote: post #44
jmathai wrote: post #14

The finality of death feels impossible to grasp. I think of this with my parents who are in their 90s and live on the other side of the world. I also think of it with my own children - how do you say goodbye when you’re the one leaving? I love the story these photographs tell. I’m an avid archiver of our family’s photos. The other thing I did was to interview my parents 20 years ago to document their life experience…

My grandparents died recently. They were born in the 1920s. Cleaning out their house I discovered countless letters, photo albums and diaries that I had no idea existed. I regret not asking them for permission to go through their stuff while they were still alive. I think they would have said yes - and there would have been many, many interesting conversations. I have read many biographies. But going through their th…

I also wish I'd spent more time trying to get my parents to talk about the early parts of their lives. Only one grandmother lived until I was old enough to think of this, but I didn't think to do it with her either :(

Re: Leaving and Waving

#95

Post by 93po »

dottjt wrote: post #49

Growing up I didn't really know my father. He was an alcoholic and spent his time with his friends drinking when I was young. My parents separated when I was around 8 years old and I haven't seen my father since, even till this day (I am around 30). I was never really close with my mother. We would eat dinner in separate rooms. We grew more and more distant throughout my teen years and when I was 20 I decided to diso…

My situation isn't nearly as extreme as yours, but this book helped me a lot: https://books.google.com/books/about/Jonice_Webb_Running_on_...

Re: Leaving and Waving

#96

Post by chownie »

adriand wrote: post #89
manfre wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Just seems like a shame to lose a relationship over... This statement has the same tone when you replace "politics" with adultery or racism. Political beliefs represent the person and what they value. Some beliefs can't be overlooked and are not compatible with the relationship.

“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. If we distanced ourselves from everyone who made a mistake or who believed something different than we believe, we would have no relationships at all.

Equally if we didn't distance ourselves from people who make harmful mistakes and those who believe dangerous, bigoted things we would all live miserably.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#97

Post by leobg »

burningChrome wrote: post #69
leobg wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My grandparents died recently. They were born in the 1920s. Cleaning out their house I discovered countless letters, photo albums and diaries that I had no idea existed. I regret not asking them for permission to go through their stuff while they were still alive. I think they would have said yes - and there would have been many, many interesting conversations. I have read many biographies. But going through their th…

Growing up, my father was estranged from his family. My mother told me his mother and father emotionally and physically abused him. He moved out of the house at 15 and we only saw them twice a year. Thanksgiving and Christmas and it was usually a few hours and then we were shuffled out of there really fast. By contrast, my mother's family was huge, we had massive gatherings at almost every holiday and all the adults…

Amazing!

I’m sure where that story came from, there will be many more.

I’d recommend recording the audio instead of doing live transcription. You can always transcribe it later. Any transcription you run five years from now is probably going to be way more accurate than anything you can run on your phone today. Plus, this way, you also preserve his voice and any nuances.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#98

Post by burningChrome »

leobg wrote: post #97
burningChrome wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Growing up, my father was estranged from his family. My mother told me his mother and father emotionally and physically abused him. He moved out of the house at 15 and we only saw them twice a year. Thanksgiving and Christmas and it was usually a few hours and then we were shuffled out of there really fast. By contrast, my mother's family was huge, we had massive gatherings at almost every holiday and all the adults…

Amazing! I’m sure where that story came from, there will be many more. I’d recommend recording the audio instead of doing live transcription. You can always transcribe it later. Any transcription you run five years from now is probably going to be way more accurate than anything you can run on your phone today. Plus, this way, you also preserve his voice and any nuances.

I've been thinking about this too so thank you for the recommendation. I like the idea of having his voice and inflections in the way he tells a story that give the information way more depth.

Again, thank you for this recommendation.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#99

Post by emptiestplace »

adriand wrote: post #88
01HNNWZ0MV43FF wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My mom died a few years ago and I stopped talking to my dad over his Fox News brainworms. I feel like an orphan now. I have a couple siblings but we're distant.

Your dad is surely still suffering from this loss and if I had to guess, is probably awfully lonely and misses you. Life is too short to estrange family members over their political beliefs. Have you tried finding common ground in other areas, or asking your dad not to talk about politics? Along the lines of, “I miss you but your politics drive me crazy, can we hang out and not talk about anything political”? If your…

> Your dad is surely still suffering from this loss and if I had to guess, is probably awfully lonely and misses you.

Projecting emotions onto others' family members is presumptuous and unhelpful.

> I speak from personal experience here.

As an implicit baseline, this does nothing to strengthen your position. Highlighting personal experience only underscores how subjective and situation-dependent this advice is.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#100

Post by lozzo »

That website really talks to me. Some people might click and click away. Others, like me, will feel like being in your shoes. Because they are. Every 3/4 months I go and say hello to my mother and i see how she changes with age. No photos, but the same sense of ineluctability
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