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Leaving and Waving

deannadikeman.com

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Re: Leaving and Waving

#81

Post by kbutler »

crabbone wrote: post #74
kbutler wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sorry that having never had these relationships, you cannot comprehend the loss. In seeing this series and the comments, I see both the sweetness of the relationships and the hint of the grief at their passing. Yes, we recognize that having loving parents is an immeasurable blessing. While their passing is not a world-ending tragedy, it is precisely because we know how precious that interaction is, that we mourn…

Oh but I do. There's no shortage of phony self-centered people in the world around me. Through a little effort and a ton of luck I ended up living and interacting with a lot of entitled people, obsessed with their petty tragedies which they hurry to encase in heavy golden frames and put on public display in the most prestigious art gallery in town. I live in the world where about half the inhabitants don't eat meat o…

As I said, I'm sorry.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#82

Post by JKCalhoun »

username135 wrote: post #68
JKCalhoun wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We reach! I also am the avid family photo archiver (I scan them, tag them, release them). The oldest photo I have is a tintype of a young girl around 1882 or so. She is maybe two years old — and is my great grandmother. I never met her, she had died before I was born. But I have studied her in the photos going all the way back to that tintype of her — somewhere in Missouri. Photos show her with her sisters and parent…

Mind sharing your process? While my parents are still around, I want to digitize the hundreds of photos they have of the previous generations while we can still identify them. It seems like a daunting task!

It is a daunting task. I've been at it for years.

I have a EPSON flatbed scanner and use Apple's Image Capture to scan them in.

Smaller photos (3 x 5 or smaller) I scan at 600 DPI, larger (5 x 7 or larger) maybe 450 DPI or so. I'm trying to capture enough detail that I could reprint them, perhaps even larger than the original, and not have reached the pixel level.

I pull the scans into Apple's Photos and immediately tag them all with "Family Photos" keyword or similar to make finding them easier later.

Then it's adding keywords for who is in the photo (if I know). If anything was written on the front or back I type those in the Description. If I know the date I change the date of the photo. If I don't know the date at all I also keyword the photo "Wrong Date".

If I know the year I set the date to "1/1/YEAR". If I know the month and year (some Polaroids would print this on the border of the photo) I set the date to "MONTH/1/YEAR".

Sometimes the photo was labeled as someone's birthday or on Christmas so I can get the day as well.

Finally, I also edit the photos — adjust levels, remove scratches, etc. Again in Photos. I tend to only spend significant time on the important photos, or ones I like.

But as you said, daunting. Nonetheless, I can export the photos and send them around to family, post to Ancestry.com, etc. And all the metadata is retained on export.

I have retouched many photos such that I was able to print them and have a photo that was better than the surviving print (possibly even a touch better than the print when it was new).

It has been worth it for me. I have observed the changes in consumer camera quality, figured out who people are who were strangers to me before (I can recognize many now when I come across a photo I had not before seen).

A family photo I restored, my great grandmother is top-right (probably end of the 19th Century):

https://images.findagrave.com/photos/2020/137/22136538_9c3c4...

And her again, in a tintype from about 1880 (sadly someone seems to have folded it in half in the 144 years since):

https://images.findagrave.com/photos/2019/113/19923761_08885...

Re: Leaving and Waving

#83

Post by crabbone »

sdlkj- wrote: post #71
crabbone wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Emotional" is the kind of half-truth word. There are many different emotions. The emotion in question is what's responsible for the response. Saying "emotional" is omitting the important part. It's like saying "involved in road accident" w/o saying whether one caused the said accident or was the victim of. The top-level response in question is disgusting. It's like listening to someone who won a million dollars in a…

No one is asking for your compassion or complaining, they're largely just expressing how the piece made them feel - and again, reminiscing about their own parents. you're characterizing them as ungrateful, which isn't really coming across for me at all.

> No one is asking for your compassion or complaining,

That's a straight-up lie. Read the comments here. People declaring themselves miserable are asking for compassion.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#84

Post by manfre »

jimmydddd wrote: post #80
01HNNWZ0MV43FF wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My mom died a few years ago and I stopped talking to my dad over his Fox News brainworms. I feel like an orphan now. I have a couple siblings but we're distant.

A lot of dads turn into Fox news dads. Comedian Shane Gillis has some funny routines about it. Maybe think of it as a kind of dementia and try to overlook it? Sorry if this sounds trite. Just seems like a shame to lose a relationship over politics.

> Just seems like a shame to lose a relationship over...

This statement has the same tone when you replace "politics" with adultery or racism.

Political beliefs represent the person and what they value. Some beliefs can't be overlooked and are not compatible with the relationship.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#85

Post by counterpartyrsk »

dottjt wrote: post #49

Growing up I didn't really know my father. He was an alcoholic and spent his time with his friends drinking when I was young. My parents separated when I was around 8 years old and I haven't seen my father since, even till this day (I am around 30). I was never really close with my mother. We would eat dinner in separate rooms. We grew more and more distant throughout my teen years and when I was 20 I decided to diso…

Two wrongs make a right? I'm guessing "around 30" means late 20s.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#86

Post by wvh »

dottjt wrote: post #49

Growing up I didn't really know my father. He was an alcoholic and spent his time with his friends drinking when I was young. My parents separated when I was around 8 years old and I haven't seen my father since, even till this day (I am around 30). I was never really close with my mother. We would eat dinner in separate rooms. We grew more and more distant throughout my teen years and when I was 20 I decided to diso…

I'm in a custody battle to allow shared custody of my daughter. I don't really have anybody else that's important to me here. I understand your message is about positivity and resilience, but I can't help to feel sad for not having had parents, and the lemons life is throwing you. I admire your attitude, and can't but hope you will find the love and connection from others to make the bitter sweeter.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#87

Post by batch12 »

unsnap_biceps wrote: post #3

I teared up when the father passed away and actually cried at the empty driveway. What a beautiful expression of love. I wish I had done something similar when I had the chance. Thanks for sharing.

Yeah, it was also sad to see his mom's smile fade after that.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#88

Post by adriand »

01HNNWZ0MV43FF wrote: post #70
dottjt wrote: post #49

Growing up I didn't really know my father. He was an alcoholic and spent his time with his friends drinking when I was young. My parents separated when I was around 8 years old and I haven't seen my father since, even till this day (I am around 30). I was never really close with my mother. We would eat dinner in separate rooms. We grew more and more distant throughout my teen years and when I was 20 I decided to diso…

My mom died a few years ago and I stopped talking to my dad over his Fox News brainworms. I feel like an orphan now. I have a couple siblings but we're distant.

Your dad is surely still suffering from this loss and if I had to guess, is probably awfully lonely and misses you. Life is too short to estrange family members over their political beliefs. Have you tried finding common ground in other areas, or asking your dad not to talk about politics? Along the lines of, “I miss you but your politics drive me crazy, can we hang out and not talk about anything political”?

If your dad can’t agree to be apolitical when you spend time together then it’s his choice to be estranged from you. But maybe he can, and maybe you guys can find a connection again.

I speak from personal experience here. I hope you’re able to find some reconciliation.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#89

Post by adriand »

manfre wrote: post #84
jimmydddd wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of dads turn into Fox news dads. Comedian Shane Gillis has some funny routines about it. Maybe think of it as a kind of dementia and try to overlook it? Sorry if this sounds trite. Just seems like a shame to lose a relationship over politics.

> Just seems like a shame to lose a relationship over... This statement has the same tone when you replace "politics" with adultery or racism. Political beliefs represent the person and what they value. Some beliefs can't be overlooked and are not compatible with the relationship.

“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”.

If we distanced ourselves from everyone who made a mistake or who believed something different than we believe, we would have no relationships at all.

Re: Leaving and Waving

#90

Post by batch12 »

crabbone wrote: post #45
ndileas wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am going to say something straightforward and possibly hurtful. I mean it seriously and respectfully. Just because you have been damaged emotionally, does not invalidate other people's emotions. They are quite possibly feeling the lowest lows of their lives -- even if that low is a mountain pass versus your death valley. They still deserve respect in grief, even if overall they have had a wonderful life.

People are made of the same things. They aren't somehow incomparable. Someone with living and attentive parents, who lived in good health to their nineties, lived in their own home, in a well-to-do country, where their child came to visit them, in their own car, in good weather, etc... what more did they expect to happen? This is the best outcome by far they could expect from life. They've won the lottery, what more…

By your logic, nobody really has a right to be sad. There is always someone who had it worse. One is not 'entitled' [believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment] because they had a good family and grieve its loss. Nor should they feel guilty about that feeling.
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