Ok, so here it goes. I haven't commented on this site for over a year.
Full disclosure: I am an average programmer compared to many here. I come to this site to improve my self and read about what brilliant and amazing things you all do. Now you have a reference.
I use PHP on a daily basis, have been for years. I am a freelance developer who has been able to carve out a living with a lot of hard work and a lot of luck. I just met the right people at the right time. Over the last 7 years since I started developing professionally, I have seen nothing but people shitting on PHP constantly. I am in no way suggesting PHP is a perfect language, but I still never get the hate. It just seems so ivory tower to me sometimes. Let's look at reality.
I'm starting a small project for a client. They are keeping track of all their scheduling and doing all their reporting in excel. They want to move this to the web with basic security so the right people can see the right information with ability to access it from anywhere. That's it. You know what works for that? PHP does. It works fine and it works on almost any server in the entire world with no issues. I don't need a .vimrc file with a million special configurations, I don't need a hot new framework where my time is spent figuring out how to do basic CRUD operations, it won't matter if PHP is statically typed or not, it won't matter if... you get the idea. I just need to start developing and getting this project done so this business can start saving time and money. That's what matters most to me.
PHP works, and it works damn well for millions of situations every day. No one is suggesting you use PHP to build a super computer. If your project requires something different than use something different. PHP is not the "Nickleback" of programming. PHP is useful. PHP is practical. PHP is easy, and that's not a bad thing. Facebook, the biggest site in the world, uses PHP. Think about that.
Finally, let's use his tool analogy. PHP is a double-clawed hammer. What if your job was to remove nails from wood all day? What a wonderful tool a double-clawed hammer would be! You wouldn't have to worry about which way the hammer is facing! That would save you real time and real effort. It's the right tool for that job. Tools are about how you use them. If someone uses a tool incorrectly it's not the fault of the tool.
PHP can use improvement. Every language can. I imagine a meeting of otherwise incredibly smart people sitting around in smoking jackets and sipping fine brandy standing around with smug smiles on their face. "PHP is horrible!" One will say. "Hmmmm... Yes... Quite..." A small laughter emerges. They all pat themselves on the back and enjoy their intellectual circle-jerk. All the while countless developers are using it every day for the right reasons making real applications that help real businesses save real time and real money. Laugh at me all you want, I get Christmas cards from my clients. They like me just fine.