Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

191–200 of 357 posts

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#191

Post by tripster_ »

ACE 5, as a child I was never tested for giftedness. From first grade till I took my SAT equivalent I never really studied, I just got things from class and I never did any homework. When I got to college (STEM) I had to repeat a couple of years because applying the same method as high school did not work - made me feel inferior.

When I started working I felt liberated, felt like life was different and because of that I had some success, but because I never really applied myself in school I lacked the exercise to do that and wherever I worked I was always the worst of the best. In my 40s now and I recently realized what it means to study, to put effort into something and this happened because I am now the worst of the worst - COVID took my depression to a new low, I'm just starting to go up again.

I have a child from a previous marriage that I don't know how to relate to, I keep trying to bond by I end up hurting them more - that's my biggest pain point. I am alone now, sometimes lonely, sometimes happy to be alone, but ideally I would like a partner.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#192

Post by kritterLane »

mandevil wrote: post #173
ninetyninenine wrote: post #155

ACE 0. Feels abnormal looking at everyone here. I don't consider myself that successful. Very average or below in career and also extremely below average in life outside of work. Not very many friends, never been in a relationship (I'm old). Maybe some trauma really is needed in your childhood to produce more drive. I'm wondering what's the distribution of ACE.

So, there is something to overcoming childhood adversity. Since the rise of the modern primary system for electing US Presidents most of our Presidents had traumatic childhoods(1). It seems like most of the people who want a stadium full of people chanting their names are trying to fill the hole where parental love should have been. Of course, most people don't grow up to be President, so I don't think this isn't som…

[dead]

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#193

Post by galivanter »

Perenti wrote: post #156

ACE of 8, IQ 170+, did absurdly well at High School. Am diagnosed ASD (at 50 years old) , have a psych friend say I'm ADHD but untestable. I've had incredible highs (University Medal for example) in between various crises. My life is pretty shit, and I'll die alone. It took me a very very long time to learn to have nothing to do with family. You're doing better than I am at this time.

[dead]

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#194

Post by xkbarkar »

ACE score 5 My abusive parent luckily died of cancer almost 30 years ago.

Me and my siblings turned our lives around in the first few years after that.

From being fast on way to a ditch, mentally, financially and physically I found the strenth to leave my drug addicted and alcoholic partner. I learned to admit amd recognize my own toxic behaviors and and took many years on my own to learn to set healthy boundaries and learn to live a healthy life. And to be a healthy parent.

Eventually finished University as a single parent with a full time job and I work with what I love today.

Own a house, a dog and have a good economy. No means financially rich, but in a long term happy relationship and in the best physical shape of my life.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#195

Post by dijit »

I'm fine, I'm CTO of a small game development studio/publisher in the south of Sweden.

I was born/raised in Coventry in the UK and I feel comfortable with the idea of never returning.

I find it hard to make friends, but that's a combination of being a migrant, being an adult and being considered "very intense" by many- I pour nearly all of my energy into work because on a subconscious level I am terrified of going back to those conditions. And the state of tech (and the gamedev industry) is giving me some generalised anxiety.

Truthfully, the way people talk about sysadmins and devops and SRE also worries me because that's my field of activity and people keep trying to kill off operations as a discipline...

Other than that, fine I think..

ACE 7.

P.S: that test was annoying because I hit the markers but someone worse off than me could hit the same markers and wind up with the same score. :\

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#196

Post by Xcelerate »

pistoriusp wrote: post #151
ljhsiung wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hopefully this is not too tangential, but it's something that's been on my mind a bit recently. When you had kids (or I guess anyone who is considering having kids), did you ever fear of "passing down" your trauma? I feel that us tech workers, for all intents and purposes, have "made it," which might best position us in general to overcome and prevent a cycle of trauma to the next generation.

Yes. The fear is real, and 100% more tangible when you're holding your child the first few times. Overcome with love, joy and sadness because you cannot comprehend how anyone could treat someone that they love so deeply in a bad way. I don't think "made it" is the differentiator here. It's more about emotional maturity and acceptance that you're chiefly responsible for another human beings experience of the world: Wh…

#1 is exceptionally powerful. My parents never lied to me or attempted to deceive me. They always emphasized telling the truth, no matter how painful the consequences might be.

I’ve seen other families that lie to each other about the most trivial of things and it ends up with them all constantly feeling gaslit and not trusting each other. How horrible it would be to not have that feeling of safety and security with your own parents.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#197

Post by adastra22 »

ACE 5. I have been moderately successful in life and work, more so in the last few years, after I was treated for ADHD. Still have psychological issues to work through.

For me, the successes came from a combination of luck, and learning to make lemonade from the lemons life gives you. I was lucky to meet my wife in college, and even more lucky that she saw something in me, the confused and abandoned kid that I was. She filled in my weaknesses with her strengths, and I like to think that I had a similar effect on her.

I was the black sheep of the family, which drew me to entrepreneurism at an early age and made me not scared of taking risks. Either that or it was the toxoplasma. That's given me some moderate success in work and a comfortable life, but I don't feel fulfilled.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#200

Post by Humorist2290 »

dijit wrote: post #195

I'm fine, I'm CTO of a small game development studio/publisher in the south of Sweden. I was born/raised in Coventry in the UK and I feel comfortable with the idea of never returning. I find it hard to make friends, but that's a combination of being a migrant, being an adult and being considered "very intense" by many- I pour nearly all of my energy into work because on a subconscious level I am terrified of going ba…

Fully agreed. The oversimplification of the scoring system feels deeply wrong.
Post reply on HN