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Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

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Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#131

Post by cjbgkagh »

cjbgkagh wrote: post #123

Highly gifted here (ACE 7), skipped two grades. Burnt out young before career really took off. Still did well enough to be comfortable - worked in research for a while. Spent decades trying to find answers from doctors who were all useless. Found out much later it’s ME/CFS from hEDS (TNXB) and it’s a lot more frequent that people realize, especially in cohorts selected for intelligence. When I was young I was warned…

Can’t respond to dead account, but read about on HN and then got DNA tested to confirm. It’s one of the main genes in the RCCX theory of giftedness.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#132

Post by 01HNNWZ0MV43FF »

I only got a 3, I've had an easy life material-wise but still managed to be depressed or something. I think I'm probably pretty autistic. I'm on ADHD meds and they do something but not enough.

I have trouble connecting "I'm looking forward to this" with "I'm enjoying this" with "I remember enjoying that".

Seems like a lot of times I just don't remember positive things, or I don't feel good about positive things that have happened, or I can't comprehend that I'll be happy when I'm feeling down, which is a lot.

I don't deal with romantic feelings or attachment in a healthy way.

You know, the usual shit.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#133

Post by Beijinger »

"I look accomplished to people, but I don’t feel accomplished."

You should be proud of yourself. I have accomplished nothing in life and I had a STEM PhD. I think I am even bad in Science.

This book comes to mind. I have not read it yet: https://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Revised/dp/...

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#134

Post by itishappy »

bookofjoe wrote: post #86
trogdor wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s defined in the link at the end of the post.

Should I have to click on a link to find out what an acronym cited in a post means?

I dunno man, but your reply with a link and no definitions didn't address that.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#135

Post by ljhsiung »

burnte wrote: post #110

ACE of 8. Only child, single mother with psychiatric problems, absent dad with psychiatric problems, I was nearly killed by him at age 4, homeless twice before I was ten, no extended family to rely on at all. Mom died of Dementia at 65 when I was barely 30, and I took care of her starting when I was 25, giving up a great job in Boston. I'm a VP of IT in a healthcare company, my third healthcare gig with this particul…

Hopefully this is not too tangential, but it's something that's been on my mind a bit recently.

When you had kids (or I guess anyone who is considering having kids), did you ever fear of "passing down" your trauma?

I feel that us tech workers, for all intents and purposes, have "made it," which might best position us in general to overcome and prevent a cycle of trauma to the next generation.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#136

Post by matheusmoreira »

yial wrote: post #96
giantg2 wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even private socializing. How well do you really know most people when it comes to sensitive subjects?

Not the person you’re responding to, but I’m careful with what I share with people. I once had someone share something rather personal, followed up with a comment that they suspected I’ve had similar experiences. The reason? The language and phrases I use when referencing parents. Nothing negative per se, but the way in which I refer to them (example: my mother) and others. I was giving away more than I realized. Whi…

Even something as simple as a single word can give away absurd amounts of information about us.

I used to be ashamed of my nationality and actively tried to hide it. I was very successful at it too, never had a single person identify me... Until I tried playing an MMORPG I used to play when I was a kid and was still learning English. Long story short, I misspelled the name of an item because of my childhood memories. Turns out that mistake was very specific to people of my country.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#137

Post by akira2501 »

conductr wrote: post #127
bookofjoe wrote: post #68

This is the first time I've heard of an ACE score; I had to look up what it stood for: https://www.christineortollcharity.org/post/adverse-childhoo... I suspect I'm not the only one here in this boat.

My first time hearing of it too, am ACE 10. In my mid 40s and have been having an increasing desiring for no particular reason to unpack some baggage. I think I’ve done ok in life generally, much better than the course my childhood put me on, but I think I’ve suppressed a lot of stuff and ultimately is starting to wear me down. Most notably, I just feel like a fraud a lot of times. My peers talk about how they did st…

> but I think I’ve suppressed a lot of stuff and ultimately is starting to wear me down.

Unpack it. It's easier than you think and more worthwhile than you might guess. It's not some massive liberating experience but it can remove some blocks and make change a more familiar sight in your life.

> and I end up just laughing and making some jokes and stuff but never have similar stories to share.

Things like this will "get in the way" a lot less often.

> bringing up some weird emotions I hadn’t experienced or thought I had dealt with

You have this perspective already. This is actually a great sign. Too many people find out at the end of a self inflicted tragedy.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#138

Post by beckhamc »

ACE 7, recently got my PhD in ML and am doing reasonably well, at least from an 'objective' lens (I have a well paying job and bought my first condo recently). My mind is still chaotic as ever (I have a mix of OCD / Tourettes / PTS) and it's still often hard for me to concentrate without overthinking some portion of my life or something completely unrelated to the task at hand.

If I can plug a Youtuber who really 'gets it' (mental health and depression), it's Dr Scott Eilers. Everything else is just clichéd garbage.

(Disclaimer: I am not 'gifted' but did very academically well during high school and uni)

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#139

Post by J2pRPhgd »

ACE 6, no need to delve into the details beyond physical and emotional abuse and neglect.

I’m happy with where my life is now. Spent many years struggling with severe anxiety and depression.

Therapy is key. If you have a high ACE score, see a therapist. It took me years of therapy to even begin to overcome some of this.

I’m very grateful for the life I have now, especially my spouse and kids. I have the opportunity to not be my parents, and I’m taking it.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#140

Post by Atotalnoob »

frmersdog wrote: post #115

ACE 5, though I think this is inaccurate because the quiz seemed to focus on issues with adults, whereas I had at least two instances of major trauma involving peers (and one shortly after starting college), as well as several low-grade, long-running stressors related to my race, stature, sexuality, etc. As for my gifted bona fides, 9x%th percentile IQ and SAT scores, gifted/competitive STEM track through high school…

Yeah, I found the quiz also not take into account the mother being the cause. As one question specifically mentioned mother or step mother being abused.

This excludes same sex parents and other forms of parental or guardian violence

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