Scored 9. Nearly everything except for 'priestly' abuse.
Feelings are a bit too complicated, I think. Jury is out. Perhaps for good.
Professionally I'm great but that matters very little.
Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
111–120 of 357 posts
Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#112Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#113Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#114Late 30's, ACE 6 (I basically had a sociopathic, druggy, gambling step father who has a talent for making others' lives miserable. My house chores included watering the weed plants).
Although parts of my childhood weren't the best, I actually had many good things in my life growing up as well. My mother and father are very caring people, and I was involved in many extra curricular activities (music, sports etc). I went to university, got a CS degree, Masters and have gone on to have a decent professional career.
It's been emotionally difficult at times. I learnt some years ago that my dad was a functioning meth addict, and I felt a bit like I was leading a double life at times - when I'd go home to visit, and was literally at his then gf's house where she was dealing... my dad would be shining a torch on some rocks, asking me if I could see what he could. I'd then head back to where I was living and get back to my software job. My dad was very sick for a while and was given a few months to live. Luckily he's still around. Another emotional strain are alcohol issues across my family.
As I'm getting older, I'm trying to let go, to be supportive of family members while realizing that I can't control their lives. They have to come to the conclusions they need to, and they need to want to live differently.
I do my best to look after myself (I've always had to do that!), to stay fit and healthy, and to grow personally. I am not my parents, nor am I the surroundings that I grew up in. If I blame them for the bad, I also must blame them for the good, and for the unique perspective they've given me.
One thing that has helped, has to have been around other high performing people - in many different aspects of life (academically, financially, sports, music etc). Martial arts has given me a lot of confidence as well.
Otherwise, I'm usually very much future focused. I try to stay positive, to keep things light-hearted and help others out when I can.
Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#115ACE 5, though I think this is inaccurate because the quiz seemed to focus on issues with adults, whereas I had at least two instances of major trauma involving peers (and one shortly after starting college), as well as several low-grade, long-running stressors related to my race, stature, sexuality, etc.
As for my gifted bona fides, 9x%th percentile IQ and SAT scores, gifted/competitive STEM track through high school, my bachelor's degree cost me $5,000, total (tuition was $30k/yr; I wanted the nicer dorm). I often feel stupid, but apparently I'm not.
Currently unemployed (since the beginning of the pandemic). Living at home. Money is tight. Whatever's wrong with me, I really can't afford to get it treated. I wouldn't mind if I was making progress on things that are meaningful to me, but I have a hard time keeping focused, and being confident in my plans, goals, and abilities. I can definitely feel myself falling behind. No, that's incorrect. I've long fallen behind.
What I think separates me from some of the other boys I know who grew up similarly and who ultimately had more success: a more consistently positive social experience. (It probably helped that they were large for their age. Why? Enhanced benefit-of-the-doubt in matters of athletics, romance, and maturity, even if you're being weird or hyper or spazzy or moody, leading to fewer derails of your attempts to build relationships. Greater confidence, greater stability, greater shelter from the things about yourself and your past that you can't escape.)
I might also be a bit of an asshole.
Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#116[flagged]
Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#117How do you know if you're gifted?
"Gifted" is of course a spectrum. You'd know if you were smarter than the average bear if you got put up a class, put into "the smart kids class", or got selected for various leadership programs etc.
Of course not everywhere would have such programs, but there will likely be other tell-tale signs as well.
Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#118My ACE is 0 (lucky me, my solidarity goes to all of you). Although childhood problems are a grave impediment for life, do you think you come out stronger / more brave than people with no problem? For example I turned out a workaholic because I couldn’t find how to have success in my affective life. I’m 40, fit, correctly rich, but with a deep unsatisfaction about romantic life. Should I just be brave about it and sat…
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Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#119ACE 4. I generally feel like adult life is very difficult for me, but I'm a fully functional adult. I'm in my 40s, married with young children. I suffer from depression, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll be living with it forever. I'm totally functional otherwise. I have a career in software, a mortgage and I'm in good physical shape. I've spent a bit of time lately thinking about how childhood trauma may have affected my adult life in negative ways. I get bored and disillusioned easily in jobs, and find myself changing jobs every 18 months on average out of sheer frustration with how unfulfilling they are. I find myself annoyed at bureaucracy, and get impatient with less competent people. I never express my frustrations with them, but I feel a lot of negative emotions about my coworkers. One day I'd like to make some effort to address my frame of mind.
Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?
#120Ace of 9.
Adulthood ADHD diagnosis. Came from a dirt poor abusive background. Declared gifted, but dropped out of school.
Now an engineering manager / lead developer making over £250k a year.
Rough lad done good. Could've done better.