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Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

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Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#11
A lot of comments and yours are heavily focusing on materialistic and financial status. While money or access to it is important to feel safe, it is not all there is to measure and compare.

What about friends and family? Partners? Children? Activities? Hobbies?

I scored a 2 it I noticed a lot of the questions focused on physical and alcoholic/drug abuse. I grew up in a culture/religion where none of these things existed but my I would classify my family and up bringing as dysfunctional and emotionally neglected.

Financially, I don't own a house nor can I afford one where I live. My job is secure and pays plenty to live comfortably renting. I don't think I will be able to retire in my country due to the cost of living.

I have no hobbies and very little friends. None Id call good friends. I have a partner and a dog.

Overall I'm happy with my life.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#12

I got 5, was annoyed it only asked about mothers being hit, when it was my mother doing the hitting, learned how to take a punch from her... ...but anyway, turned out alright I think. I mean, one rather disastrous marriage, but I've got full custody of my amazing kids. And yeah, I'm the same, don't feel accomplished but reality is I'm doing financially better than most people in my country. I am currently working on…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#13
I took the quiz, but am going to decline to give a score or other info. Maybe consider me to be qualified to comment, however.

I understand "unsafe', albeit this is a little vague. But I get it. Given that, I surmise that your core resultant issue is unyielding anxiety. That's rough, and arguably the roughest.

What you are likely missing is truly competent support. Which would be either a smart family member, a rare engaged friend, or a rare professional. That's what most Autistic 1 people will be missing: a talented mediator between them and the world. Double plus so if the patient has trauma (ie: ACE 6).

If you are lacking true support, you are lucky that you aren't underemployed or even homeless. In that, you are quite accomplished. Keep in mind that many or even most other people in your divergent position aren't so. Good on you.

In my opinion, everyone with Autism 1 should be considered to be at risk for homelessness and provided with engaged support by one institution or another (under insurance). And that there should be specialists trained to socially assist those with Autism 1. Not with social training, but with workplace and associated mediation. And then with expert career guidance as a distant second. Logically in my opinion, a next step for screening the homeless and drug addicts, after they get clean, should be for autism.

Relentlessly seek that support, even if you have to pay for it, in order to help to continue to assure your good status. It may take awhile to find, but the search doesn't start until it does.

I'm a little bit curious about comorbid autism and ADHD. I'd make a mid-confidence wager that you are referring to ADHD-PI. On a personal note, I think that ADHD-PI is usually if not always a symptom of Autism 1. In other words, it is a spectrum symptom. But if the meds help, then they do.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#14
Got a 3, product of the gifted ed system, with a few other challenges that aren’t counted in ACE, plus a healthy dash of what could be called self-sabotage as I began to make my adult way.

Now, decades later, I’m doing fine, better than fine actually, but relative my fears I am doing unbelievably fantastically. Of course, relative to the sense of limitless potential that the gifted ed system tends to implant, I should have invented cold fusion by now.

I long ago decided that the past was interesting but a terrible place to live. I consciously try hard to look forward and think about what I can do and not about what could have been or what other shadows might be lurking. That’s not advice, it’s just what I’ve done.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#16
My score was an 8. Depression of course. All the usual problems.Thought I was unhappy because no one loved me. Turned out to be the opposite. Found my own key to a joyful life at 31. Had my first child. Cared for someone else more than myself. Cut off all contact with my family 13 years ago, except my kids. Second best decision I ever made. Best was choosing to raise my girl on my own. You cant fix toxic people, but you can leave them. Later I met a woman who can tolerate me. She prefers to work, is very happy she met a man who would rather hang out with our kids than work. I read "The Happiness Equation in my late 40's, had already stumbled into my own life solutions, but that book really helped explain WHY I felt my life had improved so much. You can get to a mental place you feel safe. You only get so many trips around the sun, take them with a smile, never waste a moment comparing yourself to anyone else. Best of luck.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#17
post #11

A lot of comments and yours are heavily focusing on materialistic and financial status. While money or access to it is important to feel safe, it is not all there is to measure and compare. What about friends and family? Partners? Children? Activities? Hobbies? I scored a 2 it I noticed a lot of the questions focused on physical and alcoholic/drug abuse. I grew up in a culture/religion where none of these things exis…

I am glad you scored a 2! I understand that such scores do not adequately capture the severity of someone’s circumstances, even if they say yes to one question.

I like to think I am working myself up to a partner and a dog, but opening to people is hard. It’s a work in progress.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#18

I scored 3. Took me a while to actually try hard things, because I was afraid of failure. It wasn't until my mid thirties I started really pushing myself, embracing the fact that failure was a part of life, and changing my trajectory in a dramatic way. ~7 years later, I've got a nice house (2M), 1M in the bank, 2 kids, loving wife, and a handful of close friends I see often. It was a tough road getting here, but life…

I can very much relate here. Ace score of 5. Took me until until my mid thirties as well to shake it and start to try, and I'm happy I did.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#19
Beaten, neglected, molested, unsafe, etc. Many family & friends died from drugs, disease, poor life choices. Read books on success & business. Moved out at 16. Taught myself programming and business. Married a hot smart fellow nerd. Got good jobs, bought a business and monetized it. Had fantastic kids. Grateful every day to not be where I woke up. Retired to a farm recently.

Re: Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#20
post #11

A lot of comments and yours are heavily focusing on materialistic and financial status. While money or access to it is important to feel safe, it is not all there is to measure and compare. What about friends and family? Partners? Children? Activities? Hobbies? I scored a 2 it I noticed a lot of the questions focused on physical and alcoholic/drug abuse. I grew up in a culture/religion where none of these things exis…

For me material and financial success represent dramatically increased safety. My goal was not to live in the same kind of gang infested place I grew up in. And it means I can afford the $50k a year I pay in health insurance for first-rate medical care.
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