> my laundry app (that I must use) takes minutes to load
Do they have a place to mail your complaints? Who forces you to use the app? Annoy them. Annoy their boss. Write a flier pointing out how long it takes to use the app and leave those fliers in every laundry room you visit (Someone checks on those machines, right?). Heck, send an organization-wide email pointing out this problem. (CC your mayor, council-member, or congressional representative.) (You don't have to do all of these things, but a bit of gentle, non-violent, public name-and-shame can get results. Escalate gently accordingly as you fail to get results.)
> my AC's app takes 45 s to load even if I just used it, because it needs to connect
If I were in your shoes, assuming I had time, I might (a) do the above "email the company with a pointed comment about how their app sucks" or (b) start figuring out how to use Home Assistant as a shim / middleman to manage the AC, and thus make Home Assistant server and its phone app the preferred front-end for that system (c) write a review on your preferred review site indicating the app is a pile of garbage
> Even worse, I'll make PRs on open projects (or open issues another way and submit solutions) that having been working for months and they just go stale while I see other users reporting the same problems and devs working on other things in the same project (I'll even see them deny the behavior or just respond "works for me" closes issue before opener can respond)
Admittedly, the heavy-handed solution for this is to make a software fork, or a mod-pack, or "godelski's bag of fixes" or whatever, and maintain that (ideally automating the upkeep on that) until people keep coming to you for the best version, rather than the primary devs.
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No, I don't do this to everyone I meet or for every annoyance (it's work, and it turns people away if you complain about everything), but emails to the top of the food chain pointing out that basic stuff is broken sometimes gets results (or at least a meeting where you can talk someone's ear off for 30 minutes about stuff that is wrong), especially if that mail / email also goes to other influential people.
I'm pretty chill and kind and helpful, but when something repeatedly breaks and annoys several people every day, you might hear about it in several meetings that I attend, possibly over the next year, until I convince someone to fix it (even if it's me who eventually is tasked with fixing it).