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Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

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Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#231
post #229
post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How’s that related to Christianity?

It’s not a strict requirement but it was part of the culture when the Bible was written, and fits with the general hierarchy which is specified in various scriptures – the most common justification cited is in Ephesians where there’s an injunction for wives to be submissive to their husbands. Coupled with the way the Bible assumes the traditions of the time (e.g. sons taking their father’s name, the patriarchal line…

It was part of our culture before Christianity emerged, it remained part of the culture afterwards. Seems like Christianity didn’t have much to do with it.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#232
post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Most of the research actually supports what op says. When you adjust for industry and such the vast majority of the remaining gap is due to motherhood. So much so that many researchers in the field call it the motherhood pay gap as opposed to the gender pay gap. Childless women make about the same as men (within 2-3%, some show higher, some lower). Now is the fact women take over the majority of the childcare and are…

> Now is the fact women take over the majority of the childcare and are more likely to take off to raise their children misogyny? Depends on your definition and perspective

Yes, given that:

- In conservative circles, there is a strong expectation that a woman's chief job is to be a mom,

- Many businesses are lead by conservatives, and

- Many states (at present) are run by conservatives and enact policy to make this so (anti-abortion laws being the biggest example)

Regardless, whether women want to enter motherhood or not should be irrelevant when determining employee compensation.

Many of us developers justify our sky-high compensation packages in today's remote-first working culture by the "value" that we provide relative to the profit margins produced by our work.

If this is true, then this should apply equally apply to working moms since them being moms doesn't take away from the value they bring to the table. Moms don't stop being great programmers once they bring children into this world!

However, if we're going to use _availability_ as a compensation-affecting performance metric, then dads should also be paid less since, in an ideal world, they are just as involved in parenting as moms are.

Given that being paid less due to being a parent is de facto illegal in the US, then I think that any argument for suppressing women's wages is either uninformed or in bad faith.

(As an aside, we don't and won't have kids, but I am a huge advocate for equal-length parental leave; nobody is at their best when they're working on two hours of sleep because the baby's always crying through the night.)

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#233

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a very naive take. There are people who live paycheck to paycheck with the threat of homelessness. They can't just "accept" they have burnout, they have to work as if they don't just like any other person. I myself had a brutal burnout recently (hopefully recovering now slowly) but it was very difficult because I work on a visa and I can't afford to take a break or PTO etc. Yes I "accepted" that I'm burned ou…

Well in this case my friend, perhaps sometimes it's okay to go back home? I have lots of friends doing this to them, they are burned out both physically and mentally, people usually have options if they can step back a bit, do you really want to sacrifice your happiness for working abroad and become "successful"? Only you can drag yourself out as you've mentioned your therapist's solutions do not work for you, it's o…

It's not possible to do so due to having my entire life here and nothing "back home" where I haven't even visited last 15 years. I have my fiancée, my cat, my house, my career here and there I have nothing. Would you leave your future wife, mom of your future kids, and go to the other end of the world to a country you last visited when you were a kid?

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#234
post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Unfortunately when it comes to preparing for interview leetcode is pretty much required at all stages. I have never had a leetcode-style interview in 40 years. (I may have had one such question , maybe - hard to remember for sure.) So, no, it is not required at all stages. Disclaimer: I'm in embedded systems, which is very different from FAANG.

Funny enough, I just had my first LeetCode question ever... for an internal job posting. Wtf

Interesting, I had the same thing a few years ago while interviewing internally for a manager position, and from a VP

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#235

If I have one thing to share about burn out, it’s that I didn’t think I would get it. Maybe someone reading this is like I was. I always and energy to do everything. I was often the hero making sure we recovered from errors over the weekend, we hit unrealistic deadlines, or we were prepared for stakeholders beyond what we thought was possible. I thought this was rewarding and that it would help my career, so it was w…

Thank you for sharing, your story really hit home for me. For years, I've been one of the people to step up: solving problems, hitting crazy deadlines, being the "hero" etc. I thought if I just kept pushing, it would pay off. But somewhere along the way, I realized that no matter how much impact I truly had, I was still just another employee, not truly breaking through to the level where I could make the difference I…

This all hits home for me, too. A lot of great points. It’s somewhat reassuring to read that others have such similar experiences. It’s not nice to know others are struggling, but nice to know that it all makes sense, I guess. There’s a pattern, something to work with, we’re not just crazy, etc.

The empty cup analogy is great one. When burn out first started to cause problems for me I went and spoke with someone, and they used this analogy. I thought it was a bit silly for the first 5 minutes and then it hit me. I really did feel empty. I felt exactly like I had nothing to give other people. I was the empty cup, craving something to fill it. That was a strange day for sure. Since then the analogy has stuck with me and crosses my mind regularly.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#236

Early on in my career (I was a late bloomer and already in early 30's) as a developer, I got burnt out pretty bad twice. After the second time and teetering on a third, I knew I had to do something to change what I was doing and how I managed my work load. I just focused on getting MY stuff done and that was it. I stopped taking on other's people work. I stopped taking on more work once I got my stuff done. I would d…

I have a slightly different aspect (as I was the complete opposite of that) of this from my life - but it's not a disagreement.

So I have always had such a nice (some would say epic) work-life balance as far as "hours" and "availability" go. After a (forced) break from work, and exploring health related help professionally, I came to know I was clearly burnt out. I was told high number of "hours" working or "visible or quantifiable work load" don't necessarily have to be present for a burn out. There are other factors at work which cause stress/etc and they are often more insidious than the typical "load" (not to reduce the ill effect of the typical load^). And were those signs abundant in my life and work!

It was quite shocking. I always used to think that with my kind of work-life balance at least burn out was never going to be a problem.

^ It was added by them - those typical load/etc almost always cause mental health damage so I should not consider them okay all.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#237
Went through a similar thing, two years on I’m still not recovered.

Just to say that even though it might not feel like it right now, it eventually gets better. You have to give it time. Sometimes a long time. And seek support from friends and family but also from a professional.

And once you’ve recovered, learn the signs so you can see it coming and prevent it. Leaving a shitty job or even a profession that doesn’t work for you anymore is always preferable than getting burnt out.

Good luck, friend!

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#238
post #231
post #229

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not a strict requirement but it was part of the culture when the Bible was written, and fits with the general hierarchy which is specified in various scriptures – the most common justification cited is in Ephesians where there’s an injunction for wives to be submissive to their husbands. Coupled with the way the Bible assumes the traditions of the time (e.g. sons taking their father’s name, the patriarchal line…

It was part of our culture before Christianity emerged, it remained part of the culture afterwards. Seems like Christianity didn’t have much to do with it.

It wasn’t “our” culture unless you still live in the Bronze Age but I’d think of it more as a historical artifact which was preserved in part due to reinforcement based on that religious text. If Christianity did not give that text special significance you wouldn’t have millions of people saying they _must_ continue the practice.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#239
post #123
post #92

Also important to note – a lot of people correlate burnout strictly with overwork. You could be burned out due to overwork, sure, but you could also be burned out due to not having enough work . Or doing an average amount of work but not finding real meaning in it. Or another reason not directly related to work at all. If you aren't 100% happy with your situation, and not getting out of bed every morning with a smile…

Do people really go to work with a smile on their face?

I think there's a difference between being 'content' and being 'happy', where happy would lead to a smile, and content is more of a general satisfaction that may not lead to a smile. I would argue that being content is the minimum here rather than necessarily having the smile (but certainly a smile is much stronger and more noticeable of a sign); and that there are many more people who are content going to work than those who go with a smile.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#240
I have burned out at least 10 times in my career. The last time, it was like I lost half a decade, even though it didn't last quite that long. It was as if I had amnesia. I fell into a deep depression. I considered killing myself just because everything seemed so difficult and pointless.

Give yourself some more time. You might not emerge exactly as who you remember, but its possible to mostly recover from the pretty extreme cognitive impairment that you are likely struggling through.

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