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Why go out?

brickmag.com

21–30 of 113 posts

Re: Why go out?

#21
I think she is a little bit neurotic, and she missed all the evolutionary stuff - that we are hardwired for social interaction.

I live an overly solitary life, and I crave for company. My social circle is nearly empty, no GF, and almost all my friends have moved to other cities, so I have just one close friend.

Damn, I need to go out. I need more human contact, not less.

Re: Why go out?

#22

What I got from the article i. Childhood issues ii. Possible serious psychological disorder iii. Appreciation for my enjoyment of people

This is the correct interpretation. Congratulations! I read the article and thought, "Wow, there are people like this?" I mean, I relate to a few of the issues, some social anxiety here and there, some wondering how I'm viewed in social groups, etc. But to this level? Let me make this perfectly clear: I have nothing against these kinds of people. Not in the least. I know a lot of you out there will relate to this art…

Really?

I disagree, perhaps that's what the difference is between introvert and extrovert.

I find that I need some time to myself, to do my own things, or else I get perturbed.

For a while there in university I would spend even 2 or 3 day alone in my apartment, without speaking, texting, or IMing anyone. Just coding an assignment, playing video games or fooling around in Linux.

Completely giving up people didn't see terribly insane at the time.

Of course this is a moot point since I now attend a Unix group meetup every month and actually look forward to the social interaction.

Re: Why go out?

#23
post #15
post #3

What a horribly sad way to live your life. People are no addiction, they're a necessary (and awesome) part of life. Regardless of your spiritual bent: Athiesm - We evolved from social primates into other social primates. You're adding a lot of psychological stress at a fundamental level when you don't live the way you're bred. Christianity/Judaism - God made us for community. "It is not good for Man to be alone". Bud…

People differ greatly in their appetite for social interactions vs. solitude. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. —Henry David Thoreau Do you agree with Thoreau? Probably not. But some people do, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Thoreau didn't agree with Thoreau. His hermitage was frequently interrupted by visits. Solitude is best when broken occasionally.

Re: Why go out?

#24
Mirrors are not the only way to gain insight from an externality - other people hold up mirrors we can't see.

After the perceived slight from the conceptual poet, I would have pointed out that their question might not be a challenge or putdown but an invitation to a debate - best answered with another question. "Why would you think that your work is not intrinsically interesting to everyone?" etc. This insight did not and probably could not have come from within.

And again, "whenever I go out into the world, whenever I get involved in a relationship, my idea of who I think I am utterly collides with the reality of who I actually am."

That's at least one great reason to go out.

Re: Why go out?

#25

I first simply want to address the smoking bit. _Something_ about smoking is habitual, or rather, not to see that a drug addiction could instantiate or engender a habit which itself re-enforces the addiction, might be the main problematic of 'quitting advice.' Rather, ignoring that cigarettes prompt a way of life only suggests to me that said advice treats an idealized person, or biological system, a model. We are no…

Read Allan Carr's book, you do not actually disagree and he's done the work you ask for. The writer has taken several short cuts on the steps to epiphany in the book, which is why you may be confused.

His use of 'slavery' is merely an illustrative device, truth be told he's not a very good writer, just a man with a working solution to nicotine addiction and his writing may be poor but is good enough to communicate it.

He also repeatedly asks you do not refer to it as 'quit' or 'give up'.

Re: Why go out?

#26
post #21

I think she is a little bit neurotic, and she missed all the evolutionary stuff - that we are hardwired for social interaction. I live an overly solitary life, and I crave for company. My social circle is nearly empty, no GF, and almost all my friends have moved to other cities, so I have just one close friend. Damn, I need to go out. I need more human contact, not less.

Yup, get yourself out there, sharpish. Form/join another peer group. Is there a scifi writer's group in your location? Join it. If not, start one.

If you work in tech, start some workshops on something mainstream in your local coffee shop/community centre ('blogging for charity workers' or 'podcasting for beginners' or something)

Re: Why go out?

#27
post #21

I think she is a little bit neurotic, and she missed all the evolutionary stuff - that we are hardwired for social interaction. I live an overly solitary life, and I crave for company. My social circle is nearly empty, no GF, and almost all my friends have moved to other cities, so I have just one close friend. Damn, I need to go out. I need more human contact, not less.

Read the whole article. That's what this person comes to at the end.

Re: Why go out?

#28
post #15
post #3

What a horribly sad way to live your life. People are no addiction, they're a necessary (and awesome) part of life. Regardless of your spiritual bent: Athiesm - We evolved from social primates into other social primates. You're adding a lot of psychological stress at a fundamental level when you don't live the way you're bred. Christianity/Judaism - God made us for community. "It is not good for Man to be alone". Bud…

People differ greatly in their appetite for social interactions vs. solitude. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. —Henry David Thoreau Do you agree with Thoreau? Probably not. But some people do, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I do agree with the first part. I once spent an entire year alone in my apartment, never speaking to anyone and rarely even going outside except to get groceries and go to the family Christmas get-together. It was heaven, but it couldn't last because my money wouldn't last, and so I returned to the job force. My need for money outweighs the draining effect other people have on me.

However, I can't speak to the second part because I don't understand "loneliness", since I've never felt it (at least I don't think I have).

Re: Why go out?

#29
Life is suffering, so say the Buddhists. So they use similar reasoning not just for cigarettes (and masturbating and TV for that matter), but all desire, all attachment. And they are intellectually thorough about this: once you commit to this course, and look forward to the ceasing of all wants, you must release that desire also.

Does this work? A Buddhist monk was measured to be the "happiest person in the world". Though, even if you can measure happiness, it may be more due to meditation, rather than Buddhist philosophy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthieu_Ricard

But, to be clear, they don't actually advocate giving up things - just giving up the desire/attachment to things. That's their "middle way", neither compulsive nor abstinent. (If I've misrepresented any of these, feel free to correct).

Re: Why go out?

#30
post #13
post #9

This article seems to be written from a completely different perspective than my own life experiences. Perhaps it is introvert vs. extrovert, or perhaps it is something else entirely. I was called an introvert all throughout high school because I was quiet. Everyone was certain of it. I knew I wasn't an introvert because I gain energy from being around other people. When I am alone, I get tired and depressed. When I…

People have often wildly conflicting views on what it means to be an introvert. I subscribe to the definition that an introvert is someone who primarily derives validation and worth from himself, rather than external people or stimuli -- think staying late to solve a tough problem, rather than staying late to impress a boss. I'm definitely an extrovert, despite being relatively quiet and thriving in private situation…

I don't know why we have to bin people like that. I love staying in to program, or read, or whatever, but I need to go out a lot (every day, or more, if I can help it), because I love hanging out with friends, meeting new people, doing new things, etc.

Intrinsic vs extrinsic validation doesn't really factor into it. I just like hanging out with friends and making new ones.

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