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Why doesn't advice work?

dynomight.substack.com

291–300 of 334 posts

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#291

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Depends on your motives, people would absolutely call it manipulative if your motives were to make their lives worse to benefit yourself. Advice aren't always good for people.

> if your motives were to make their lives worse to benefit yourself I guess I made an assumption that wasn't the case. Most people that have malign intentions aren't curious about these topics enough to discuss them openly. "persuasion" gets a bad rap because most people assume you are persuading someone from a good place to bad. The opposite occurs often as well.

> "persuasion" gets a bad rap because most people assume you are persuading someone from a good place to bad. The opposite occurs often as well.

Persuasion can be questionable even if it's not malicious.

People can persuade others for selfish reasons, or to push their own desires, without it necessarily making the other person worse. But few of us like the feeling of being persuaded for someone else's benefit regardless.

Or, more relevantly in the context of advice, some people often like to give advice or push ideas that they themselves like, or with which they have good experiences, or which suit their thinking and personality. But the idea might be unsuited to the other person's situation, needs, desires or personality. Persuasion tactics or social tricks don't make that better, even if the motive isn't malicious.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#292

It sounds like the author is coming from a places of intellect and might be missing more of the emotional reasons people don't follow advice. Intellectual-emotional dissonance is one of the biggest reasons people don't do things they know they should [1] be doing. We often have the mistaken approach that if we pile on more intellectual reasons why we should take the advice that the logic will outweigh our emotions an…

Very Right. I have come to the conclusion that it is mostly Emotions/Feelings over Intellect/Rationality though they are interlinked together. To suppress the former and give free reign to the latter takes a lot of self-control which can easily crumble when the right buttons (sometimes unknowingly) get pushed. One way to control this is to minimize all externalities which could trigger an emotional response eg. it is…

In my experience there is much wisdom in emotions and feelings when they are connected to and integrated into our whole self.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#293

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree. My wife basically never gives people feedback unless its positive. She is a people pleaser, popular, all that stuff. No one asks her for advice. I am much more controversial. I have to ignore emails and text messages of people asking for advice because it happens too much. (I'm busy with my own life, the people asking for advice are low-mid tier and wont follow it, people are asking for my expertise for free…

Fascinating. Can you say more about that? How did you find them and vet them?

Found them on the website Indeed, I talked to ~20 people on the phone.

I had some screening questions.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#294

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank you for sharing! Based on your last sentence I think we're in agreement that it's probably not great to give someone unsolicited advice (but it's fine if we disagree). I wanted to throw out a couple more thoughts: I think that having experience in the business (or not) is important. I think that sometimes giving advice on an area that one doesn't have experience in can be a weird way to put oneself in a 'one up…

I've heard it called engineer's syndrome. "You start believing that since you're an excellent engineer in one specialty, then you're a friggin' genius in everything you do, because it's all the same, really" [0] It apparently affects physicists too, and must be common enough to warrant two xkcds. [1][2] 0. https://web.archive.org/web/20071226220909/http://www.pcmag.... 1. https://xkcd.com/1831/ 2. https://xkcd.com/79…

To be fair, engineers are rational. You don't get that with other professions.

It makes them great for advice because they arent going to use emotions or hopes.

But also, in this case, me and my wife are 2 business owners that have been doing it for a decade. This person started a few weeks ago.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#295
post #287

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 3. Your spouse just wants to vent, UNLESS they say "fix it" Or talk to your spouse, get to know them, and build a sense of what they absolutely need to know (e.g. you don't want or can't spend the rest of your life doing it for them and no one else will), what they don't need to care about, and what space of mind they're in. You're hopefully stuck with them for a very long time, investing time and effort to underst…

has this really worked for you? cause from my experience, not only is OP right, but you are are effectively telling your spouse that "we are serious business, pointless venting is not acceptable behaviour" I highly recommend you to read this post on giving better advises: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41113807

I wasn't reacting on the venting part, but on the "fix it" bit, which gives a "you say jump I say how high" vibe.

We're all doing pointless venting, that's part of life.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#296
post #287

Earlier quoted context omitted.

has this really worked for you? cause from my experience, not only is OP right, but you are are effectively telling your spouse that "we are serious business, pointless venting is not acceptable behaviour" I highly recommend you to read this post on giving better advises: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41113807

I wasn't reacting on the venting part, but on the "fix it" bit, which gives a "you say jump I say how high" vibe. We're all doing pointless venting, that's part of life.

Welli, we are not. Some people feel entitled to pointless venting and some even think listening quiet is what is what others should do. That's spoiled child behavior

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#297

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Very Right. I have come to the conclusion that it is mostly Emotions/Feelings over Intellect/Rationality though they are interlinked together. To suppress the former and give free reign to the latter takes a lot of self-control which can easily crumble when the right buttons (sometimes unknowingly) get pushed. One way to control this is to minimize all externalities which could trigger an emotional response eg. it is…

In my experience there is much wisdom in emotions and feelings when they are connected to and integrated into our whole self.

Emotions/Feelings are fundamental to existence itself i.e. they are the drivers for everything else. There is a lot of fascinating research/understanding going on in this domain which is worth studying. You might find the following two books interesting;

1) The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life by Joseph Ledoux.

2) How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#299
post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was at a bakery grand opening from an uneducated rural family. Plenty of their rural friends listened to the difficulties, wished them the best. Bring in the MBA + Industrial Engineer, and tell them some advice on processes, economics, and as a bonus, I was an Electrical Engineer for a few years so I had some advice on their oven problem. What is better? The person that says "You look beautiful", or "You have a pie…

Depends on context. If someone just needs the emotional energy to get back into the fight then a compliment is often what is needed. If someone is about to do something imminently that you see a correctable fault with and they don't then pointing it out is likely correct. So many people up here thinking there is always 1 exactly right course of action! Why?! Why do so many otherwise smart people fall back to the sill…

>So many people up here thinking there is always 1 exactly right course of action! Why?! Why do so many otherwise smart people fall back to the silliest of binary thinking and heuristics?

What implied it was binary?

I think that is your own thoughts.

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