An Open Letter To All Startup Founders

You seem to live in some fantasy land. Why does someone have to be "mature and well-adjusted" to be employed in this country. In fact, you are implying mature and well-adjusted when it comes to dating and sexual advances. People come from varying backgrounds and have varying emotional states. Job descriptions don't usually list having to handle harassment as a duty. Furthermore, it's fantasy to think that once a dynamic like that is created, things will continue the same as they were before. Some people are strong and wouldn't be bothered. Many people, however, would be bothered. In a workplace, you have to cater to EVERYONE, not just the "mature, well-adjusted adults". What if Sally (or Ted) was right out of high school and was not a "mature, well-adjusted adult". Why are they required to be when it comes to sexual advances. They are at work to perform a duty and get paid for it. They are REQUIRED to fulfill those duties and not some made up ones pertaining to being "mature, well-adjusted adults".

A more appropriate course of action for Ted would be to ask if Sally wanted to get coffee outside of work, without implying any advances or sense of relationship (i.e. dating). An approach like that would allow Sally to decline the offer without the same kind of negative consequences.

And just so there is no misunderstanding, I have recomposed my example story:

Ted works 9-5 at company A. He loves his job and enjoys his day-to-day tasks. He has to spend a significant portion of every day at this job, so he is grateful that he enjoys it and feels comfortable. Sally is a fellow employee that recently got assigned to a project with Ted. They work well together on the task at hand. One day, Ted notices Sally's eyes lingering and catches her looking at him when he is working. This makes it harder to concentrate because he feels uncomfortable. After some time, Sally starts flirting with him when they should be working. Normally, Ted is fine with chit-chat but the combination of deadlines and the flirtatious nature causes him much anxiety. He wants to be nice but at the same time, he cares more about the project and his career advancement than this girl's pathetic attempts at being witty. One day, Sally asks him on a date as Ted is walking to his car. After a very uncomfortable silence, Ted declines and leaves for the day. That night, Ted cries into his pillow. What was once a great work environment has now turned extremely uncomfortable. His job is demanding and the added pressure makes it hard to focus. He doesn't want to deal with the extremely awkward situation, especially since it is both unavoidable and takes a large amount of his waking life. What are his options? He can go to a supervisor. If the supervisor doesn't care and writes it off, he will feel terrible. If the supervisor transfers Sally from the project, rumor may get around and everyone in the office will know. (And yes, males can cry too if you want to attack this using that stereotype.)

Finally, just because you are a male and might enjoy female advances doesn't make it true for everyone.

Honestly, I did miss that you made the point about reversing gender roles. I don't know that it changes matters much, though. My argument that asking co-workers out is no big deal, would remain the same in either case. Normal, mature, well-adjusted adults of either gender should be able to handle politely turning down a co-worker, IMO.

or you are just trying to win.

^sigh^ - Win what exactly? I don't know about you, but I'm not in a debate or a contest of any sort here. There are no winners, or losers or anything else. It's just a friendly discussion, for crying out loud.

Why does someone have to be "mature and well-adjusted" to be employed in this country.

They don't have to be, but I'm operating on the assumption that most people are. And I don't think we should change our whole fundamental approach to going through life, to cater to a few people who aren't.

Job descriptions don't usually list having to handle harassment as a duty.

I never said they did, or should. You seem to be operating on the assumption that asking someone out is automatically "harassment" which is absolutely false. If I ask a female co-worker out, she says "no," and nobody ever mentions it again, and nobody treats anyone differently as a result, and we continue behaving as reasonable adults, are you really contending that someone was "harassed"?

In a workplace, you have to cater to EVERYONE

No, you don't.

What if Sally (or Ted) was right out of high school and was not a "mature, well-adjusted adult".

Then you help them become mature, well-adjusted adults. The context doesn't change anything in that regard. There are all sorts of situations a green, right out of high-school kid might not be prepared to handle. If that comes up, and they spazz over it, you help them learn and adjust and grow.

A more appropriate course of action for Ted would be to ask if Sally wanted to get coffee outside of work, without implying any advances or sense of relationship (i.e. dating). An approach like that would allow Sally to decline the offer without the same kind of negative consequences.

Sure, did you think I was suggesting that Ted approach Sally and say "Hey, wanna go home and fuck?" (or vice versa)? That would be silly in pretty much any context. I'm talking about politely asking someone to join you outside of work for some non-work related activity, where the encounter is clearly intended to be personal and might or might not lead to a romantic or sexual interlude.

What are his options? He can go to a supervisor. If the supervisor doesn't care and writes it off, he will feel terrible.

This is absolutely no different from the previous scenario. His option is to politely tell Sally that he isn't interested. This only becomes an awkward situation if she refuses to acknowledge that and continues to make an issue of it. Just like if the roles were reversed.

Finally, just because you are a male and might enjoy female advances doesn't make it true for everyone.

I never contended otherwise.

Obviously here you've moved the goal posts, from "should have to put up with" to "should be able to handle".

It seems like everyone here has made their points and there's not much to be gained from relitigating. Why don't we all just agree that the thread we've got here so far does a pretty decent job of summing up all of our respective takes on this issue, and refrain from growing the thread any further?

Everything is more spontaneous and loose. I think they would respect anyone in their group who didn't think it was nice to go to that place, as I think you should respect their choice.

You just went 100% for it and I thought it was a bad choice. I work with 2 guys and a girl and all of them are open minded to know what is and what is not going on.

It's the startup world: you can choose not only who works with you, but what works with you too.