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What Is a Personal User Manual? (2022)

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Re: What Is a Personal User Manual? (2022)

#31

These were popular at my workplace maybe seven years ago, and while I was into the idea at first, IMO it was impractical most of the time. Turns out it's a pretty unreasonable burden to place on people that they should read and follow instructions in a document in order to communicate with someone and to personalize their work approach for every person they interact with. The main context these make sense in is when…

+1, rules of engagement make sense at the team level, not the individual level.

Re: What Is a Personal User Manual? (2022)

#32
This would be better suited for volunteer situations like unpaid open source work, where people have their personalities out in the open and don't conform to externally imposed expectations.

If you're employed in a company or organization, you have to conform your personality to their manual, modulo reasonable wiggle room. That's it.

Nobody has the time to read N different manuals, and then ponder over interpretations in order to decide on how to proceed.

Re: What Is a Personal User Manual? (2022)

#35
post #5

Oh no, not this again. I'm not sure I could muster the arrogance to write such a document about myself... and then expect people to read it. The suggested examples of what the document could contain are bizarre and yet also weirdly simple & obvious... "I am a sponge. I’ll take more content earlier rather than a formal presentation" "Please give me the bad news before I hear it from somewhere else" "Be direct. Tell me…

"I'd rather get on with some actual work than create a stupid document about me to pander to management's latest whim-du-jour." I guess it hasn't occurred to them that most introverts would hate having to write about themselves in this way, and a reasonable subset wouldn't be interested in reading what the extroverts have to say about themselves either. A far better approach is to not have any preconceived ideas abou…

And worse yet, the kind of person who needs to read a document like this is the kind of person who treats people poorly as a rule, either through malice or ignorance.

So it stresses out a lot of people, and doesn't actually help anyone.

Re: What Is a Personal User Manual? (2022)

#36
I think either Adam Bryant (organizational psychology at Wharton) or Erin Meyer (same at INSEAD) turned me on to this idea. I think it's generally a good one to (very slightly) accelerate new working relationships to a place of trust, and the emotional pearl-clutching in this thread is interesting to observe.

The best examples I've seen of such manuals (and the best working relationships that have been informed by them) share a common thread: sharing about ourselves where useful,[^1] in order to help others know us better,[^2] and not to control or compel them to do any specific behavioral thing.

So, far from an "instructions [to follow]" (@phoenixy1) or "a one-size-fits-all approach to how different people should act with an individual" (@ralferoo), I think many people intend that the document simply share context in order that you can understand them better, and do whatever you like with the information.

There seems to also be a suggestion that producing such a document is in and of itself a burden to others (@jasoncartwright is very upset about the "arrogance" of even writing one, let alone "expect[ing]" someone to read it, @phoenixy considers them to be a "pretty unreasonable burden"). I can understand the reaction, but I think provided there is no expectation that anyone read it, or that it be a means of controlling or compelling someone to behave a certain way, it's pretty benign overall. (Like, I think everyone would at least once or twice in their careers have access to such a document about some colleague or another, if they thought it were relatively sincere? If so, I say go forth and self-document, just don't have any expectations.)

Here are the sections in mine:

1. Why I have this thing

2. The success criteria for my role, and some general ways I try to achieve them

3. Some general patterns of working (one-on-one cadence, skip mtgs, whatever)

4. Blind spots I have that others have experienced (all verbatim, sought from a mix of new/old colleagues, a few new ones added each year)

5. A few situations where those same people would encourage others to specifically seek me out in a jam (as before, all verbatim yada yada - not necessarily work-related)

6. Work things I love doing / work things that I find stressful (drawn from scenarios the reader will likely encounter)

Of these, 1, 2, 4, 5, and 6 contain precisely zero information relating to my preferences or instructions on "how to" do something. I'm simply providing what I hope to be useful context about me and my role at work. (Assuming you take me at my word that I am not sharing the things I love / things I find stressful for any reason other than you knowing me better.)

The general patterns of working at 3 contains some preferences relating to out of hours contact (along lines of "I don't check my emails or Slack outside of office hours, so you should call or text me if there is an emergency or if a few minutes of my time can save you several hours on something"). Maybe that's somehow outdated now? It's the sort of thing I like to know before I reach out to someone out of hours – a bit like I know some people who appreciate a heads up when visiting a "shoes off" household, so they can wear socks or clip their toenails.

tl;dr I think if you are clear that you have no expectation that anyone even read it, and share relevant, practical context on working together -- with a significant portion sincerely sought from a mixture of people, rather than your own navel-gazing -- these kinds of manuals can be a good shout.

I like reading them, and I like understanding my colleagues better. So I'll tell you that I would enjoy reading yours, and if you ever write one please share it, and that I hope you read mine. That's pretty much it!

[^1]: What constitutes " useful" is of course my determination to make, just as it's your determination to decide that what I shared wasn't useful, and tell me as much.

[^2]: I guess this is predicated on the axiom that understanding your colleagues better is useful. I suspect it is useful -- I think if I had to bet on whether or not any person is more effective in collaborative tasks with a stranger, or with someone they have worked professionally with in any field for several years, I would pick the latter -- although this is uninformed.

Re: What Is a Personal User Manual? (2022)

#37

I just want an option in Slack that automatically rejects any message like "Are you busy?" or "Hi, I have a question" without notifying the recipient.

I can imagine a bot that one day responds to those messages automatically, using an AI with some instructions from the owner. The answers really don't even matter, so as long as no actual question was in the message, it can respond with anything that's polite. And it'll let the actual questions through.

Re: What Is a Personal User Manual? (2022)

#39

It feels clear from the subtext that the value in such a thing would be in communicating where you are generally weak, ie, I don't take criticism well, or I can be pedantic and sometimes all you need to do is ACK my feedback, etc. The examples lack any sort of vulnerability though, they don't introduce any genuine flaws (some of the 'how best to work with me' tips would simply be construed as straightforward praise c…

The weird thing about documenting own weaknesses is that once you have identified them they technically have no reason to even exist (other than your laziness), much less to be grounds for requirements you would force on others.

You can learn from my behavior that I don’t take criticism well and then tone it down; however, if I am self-aware enough to know and state explicitly that I don’t take criticism well, to then demand you to change your ways (and get offended if you don’t) seems just… childish, for lack of a better word.

Does this demonstrate my own ignorance about some aspect of psychology?

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