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Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

jorgegalindo.me

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Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#21

Post by contrarian1234 »

I think the advice given by the author is a bit simplistic and obvious, but not wrong. I just wouldn't sum it up as being "kind"

As someone who works in a "kind" culture (Taiwan) - there is an infuriating flip side

If everyone is constantly worried about being kind, it becomes very difficult for people to say "unkind" things.

- It's hard for people to give you important critical feedback

- People will not give their half baked thoughts (which are the start of good discussions), and only bring stuff up when it's already a problem

- People have a complete inability to tell you "Hey when you do that thing A and B, I really don't like that"

The end result is that people end up masking a bunch of stuff in an effort to be kind which results in

- People having huge blow ups when things boil over

- Insane amounts of office gossip and people saying shit behind each other's back (bc they can't say it to your face and resolve it)

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#22

Post by ttoinou » 

   just a few people are going to miss the smartest in the room, but everyone is going to miss someone kind
How is the goal of having people miss you related to achieving business goals ? On the contrary if the smartest is able to produce a lot, people are going to miss him

On that topic, I’d rather have people trying to not become offended for little things, seems easier than faking kindness for personal benefits

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#24

Post by mirekrusin »

makeitdouble wrote: post #20
mirekrusin wrote: post #13

Being too kind can also be negative, I prefer honesty and reality above the rest.

You could say that hiding or refraining from giving critical feedback is not kindness.

If this phrase can mean anything, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

Ie. you could also say that egoism is being kind to yourself etc.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#26

Post by jasoneckert »

While I think the points the author makes are sage advice, I think the blog post would have been a lot stronger against criticism if they had added a paragraph similar to the following:

"That is not to say you shouldn't come prepared and knowledgeable to meetings you attend. You should provide clear value to each and every meeting you attend from a knowledge perspective. However, the human value of kindness is far more important in the eyes of attendees."

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#27

Post by guy4261 »

ttoinou wrote: post #11
mydriasis wrote: post #6

Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…

So you want to be kind only for utilitarian motives, not because it’s a good thing in principle ?

Good that does not sustain itself is quite sad - you can see the efforts going down the drain. Aligning good and sustainable (utilitarian) is worthwhile imho.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#28

Post by __s »

ttoinou wrote: post #22

just a few people are going to miss the smartest in the room, but everyone is going to miss someone kind How is the goal of having people miss you related to achieving business goals ? On the contrary if the smartest is able to produce a lot, people are going to miss him On that topic, I’d rather have people trying to not become offended for little things, seems easier than faking kindness for personal benefits

In general, the kindest people will be the ones who have the maturity to not be offended

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#29

Post by OmarShehata »

ttoinou wrote: post #11
mydriasis wrote: post #6

Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…

So you want to be kind only for utilitarian motives, not because it’s a good thing in principle ?

fun experiment: let's try to have the most charitable interpretation of this comment ^

My best is: they are saying it is worth taking a step back and making a prioritized list of our values. If we do this, we may place "being kind" over "being productive"

I think their warning here is about: what happens in a situation where being kind is NOT productive? Will you just drop it?

I think I agree with the broad strokes of this. My rebuttal is: the comment above this was just pointing out, for people who do not value kindness over productivity, that they are not in opposition. That you don't have to pick one or the other. You can have both.

We can get mad and turn away from people who do not share our values/priorities. Or we can show them ways that our value systems do not clash and it can be win win

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#30

Post by xchip »

__s wrote: post #28
ttoinou wrote: post #22

just a few people are going to miss the smartest in the room, but everyone is going to miss someone kind How is the goal of having people miss you related to achieving business goals ? On the contrary if the smartest is able to produce a lot, people are going to miss him On that topic, I’d rather have people trying to not become offended for little things, seems easier than faking kindness for personal benefits

In general, the kindest people will be the ones who have the maturity to not be offended

How is that related?
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