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I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

lettersofnote.com

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Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#21

Post by jebarker »

mrweasel wrote: post #8

On one hand I am happy that we have things like Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, on the other I feel that peoples private and unpublished writings should be kept private. It's reasonable enough to let a limited number of researchers access private documents, but the broader public, no. This isn't a letter meant for us, it's not meant for anyone to read and I feel that publishing it is a little disrespectful.

I'm not sure where this letter was first published, but Feynman's daughter edited a book of many of his letters private and professional: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectly_Reasonable_Deviation...

I found it very beneficial to read recently so I'm grateful that his family chose to publish.

I enjoy "Letters of Note" and many of the most impactful letters are personal ones between private individuals.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#22

Post by Staple_Diet »

mrweasel wrote: post #8

On one hand I am happy that we have things like Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, on the other I feel that peoples private and unpublished writings should be kept private. It's reasonable enough to let a limited number of researchers access private documents, but the broader public, no. This isn't a letter meant for us, it's not meant for anyone to read and I feel that publishing it is a little disrespectful.

I agree with the sentiment, but Meditations was always written to be published though. It was less a private journal and more a write-as-you-go self help book. Marcus (Marky to his friends) hoped his writings would be read widely as it would spread his thoughts on stoicism etc.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#23

Post by begueradj »

mrweasel wrote: post #8

On one hand I am happy that we have things like Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, on the other I feel that peoples private and unpublished writings should be kept private. It's reasonable enough to let a limited number of researchers access private documents, but the broader public, no. This isn't a letter meant for us, it's not meant for anyone to read and I feel that publishing it is a little disrespectful.

Privacy and decency are weird notions for a lots of people nowadays who rather generate money by disclosing online everything private about their lives.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#24

Post by jebarker »

kgwgk wrote: post #18
strenholme wrote: post #10

My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…

> I can see why Feynman became sexually promiscuous afterwards, undoubtedly to numb the pain of losing his wife; seduction allowed him to have a form of that connection, albeit without the depth and love of what he had with his wife. He married again in 1952 and divorced in 1958 (and married again a couple of years later). I don't know if sexual promiscuity was part of the divorce complaint but apparently this fragme…

After reading lots of biographical material on Feynman it seems like he was a very loving father and husband (especially to his first wife) but obviously devoted to physics. I would imagine it's very difficult to find the balance between his kind of career and family such that the family feels they get sufficient attention.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#25

Post by card_zero »

strenholme wrote: post #10

My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…

Nice to know that mere friendship (in heavy doses) can do the same job. I thought this should be possible, but was worried it might not be.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#26

Post by nick__m »

donatj wrote: post #19
mrweasel wrote: post #8

On one hand I am happy that we have things like Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, on the other I feel that peoples private and unpublished writings should be kept private. It's reasonable enough to let a limited number of researchers access private documents, but the broader public, no. This isn't a letter meant for us, it's not meant for anyone to read and I feel that publishing it is a little disrespectful.

Après moi, le déluge. After I am dead, publish everything, correspondence, search history, location history, nude photos. I am dead, I cannot care.

Correspondences usually involve at least another person so please wait until both side are dead before publishing everything.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#27

Post by rpigab »

donatj wrote: post #19
mrweasel wrote: post #8

On one hand I am happy that we have things like Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, on the other I feel that peoples private and unpublished writings should be kept private. It's reasonable enough to let a limited number of researchers access private documents, but the broader public, no. This isn't a letter meant for us, it's not meant for anyone to read and I feel that publishing it is a little disrespectful.

Après moi, le déluge. After I am dead, publish everything, correspondence, search history, location history, nude photos. I am dead, I cannot care.

You won't care, but the living will.

Funerals aren't meant for the deceased, they allow the living to mourn and move on. It may be irrational fears, but living people often fear what's gonna happen to them after they die, and respect for people extends after they die for most people. Not for everyone, but this means that some will feel uncomfortable about sharing private stuff. And then there's also superstition.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#28

Post by MrDresden »

Half way through reading that, I stopped and sent my partner a message telling them how much I love and respect them. They have recently passed the 5 year survival mark after a cancer diagnosis and treatment, and are coming up on 3 years for their second different cancer diagnosis and treatment.

None of us knows how much time we have ourselves or with our loved ones, so make the most of it in the moment.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#29

Post by strken »

rpigab wrote: post #27
donatj wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Après moi, le déluge. After I am dead, publish everything, correspondence, search history, location history, nude photos. I am dead, I cannot care.

You won't care, but the living will. Funerals aren't meant for the deceased, they allow the living to mourn and move on. It may be irrational fears, but living people often fear what's gonna happen to them after they die, and respect for people extends after they die for most people. Not for everyone, but this means that some will feel uncomfortable about sharing private stuff. And then there's also superstition.

Speaking only for myself, it has been invaluable to have access to the private papers of people like my great grandfather. It provides a real connection to a man, time, and place which I couldn't know in person.

Perhaps publishing everything is a step too far, but things like semi-private diaries from a war or a voyage --- intended for immediate family to read, but not for publication --- are often okay to publish within living memory of the deceased. Sufficiently chaste love letters seem to me to be okay after a long enough time has elapsed, too.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#30

Post by mrweasel »

donatj wrote: post #19
mrweasel wrote: post #8

On one hand I am happy that we have things like Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, on the other I feel that peoples private and unpublished writings should be kept private. It's reasonable enough to let a limited number of researchers access private documents, but the broader public, no. This isn't a letter meant for us, it's not meant for anyone to read and I feel that publishing it is a little disrespectful.

Après moi, le déluge. After I am dead, publish everything, correspondence, search history, location history, nude photos. I am dead, I cannot care.

If that is what you wish, then absolutely, publish everything. Where I question the morality is in private correspondence, a persons dairy and things which was explicitly never wanted to be published.

There are movies, music and books which the creators specifically withheld from the world. Who are we to determine otherwise. Again I see no issue in researchers combing over half-written books, discarded sheet music or personal notes. I just think we should be respectful and keep things that was deliberately hidden from the world private. If an author leaves a 90% finished book and say they don't want it published, having family or publishers to going ahead, finishing it or publishing it in its half-finished state anyway after the death or the author doesn't sit right with me.

That's not to say that something like Feynman letter to his wife isn't beautiful, it is, very much so. It was just not meant for us, it was meant for himself and a woman who would never read it.

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