Cool idea. In practice: they already did this and it's called PERL! Why would I ever use this instead of just using perl5, which solves all these problems already and is preinstalled on every Unix machine I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot from HPUX to AIX) since there's always some ancient innards component that depends on it, so it's basically impossible to remove... And even if you don't know perl, you're better…
Perl is not quite as universally installed as you claim, especially in containers.
Even bash or sh need not be installed in a container so that's a weird objection