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The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
91–100 of 203 posts
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#92Earlier quoted context omitted.
I love that "and I'm fine" line. I see it a lot in contexts where someone is defending something that seems barbaric to me, which I would consider a very clear sign that they are not fine. It leads to a lot of, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means," at least in my internal dialogue.
You're in a tangled philosophical thornbed with that internal dialog. It isn't a strange thing to think but as far as I can see functional humans are all barbaric. In the small scale, the practice of eating meat leaps to mind. I love a good chicken burger but let us be real about what it takes to produce one. Not pretty. So we might have an existence problem if we go to find someone who doesn't defend barbaric practi…
I'm vegan, and I would be quite functional if the rest of the world was simply right instead of wrong
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#93Some here may find Pete Walker and his work around "C-PTSD" useful.
https://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#94In the microplastics thread, so many were ready to assign blame for so many pervasive ills to the prevalence of microplastics. Meanwhile we have known about the devastating effect of interpersonal trauma in childhood and just shrug or worse, say “well that’s how my parents did it and I’m fine.” Foundationally there is no problem more urgent than eliminating interpersonal alienation at every possible interaction and e…
I think you're being a bit unfair with "I'm fine". Rumination is a real thing and for a lot of people they don't find it useful, or in fact actively harmful, to draw attention to the fact repeatedly.
Yes, dealing with past trauma is exceptionally difficult and it takes an exceptional amount of work to deal with
Much like cancer, Parkinson’s disease, etc…
You must overcome your fears to liberate yourself from your own anxieties
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#95Finally a subject my childhood makes me "expert" at! People often say that I have a unsavory dark humor, but it's one of the best coping mechanism out there. My earliest memory is my mother spreading food all over my face because I didn't want to finish my plate. I remember my eyes hurting because of the pepper in it. My father threatened to shoot the family dog on a weekly basis to make me behave. I could not leave…
Do you have siblings? How have they turned out?
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#96Attachment Theory is an interesting subject on the matter. A few useful books which helped me with both understanding and healing (there're still problems, but it gets better): 1. Love Sense, Sue Johnson. 2. The Power of Attachment, Diane Pooler Heller. 3. Understanding Disorganized Attachment: Theory and Practice for Working with Children and Adults, David, Shemmings and Yvonne Shemmings. 4. The Body Keeps the Score…
Also Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown was a breakthrough book for me
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#97Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not to deny your experience with it, however looking up the author and the book I notice that it has drawn some serious criticisms for inaccuracies and lack of empirical data backing up claims.
Links? He cites a _lot_ of empirical research and the book is generally highly regarded in the field
Do you have links yourself for those claims?
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#98As someone who has had early trauma it never leaves. The worst part is knowing no one will ever understand what it feels like to have no right answers.
It’s a larger club than you might imagine, and even to the deepest depths of nigh-unimaginable mistreatment there are people who have worked through it.
The sad part is the best way to deal with it is pretend it never happened.
Feel so defeatist but that'd the reality of being a man.
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#99Earlier quoted context omitted.
Speaking for my own abuser, he is the only subject in his entire world. The rest of the universe is full of objects only. He has demonstrated (to clinicians, not just to me) that he has no ability whatsoever to realize that other people are capable of feeling different things than he does, so if something makes him feel good, it makes even the little child he's doing it to feel good too. He has said on a number of oc…
> I suspect he's on a pretty extreme end of a spectrum there, but that some version of that underlies a lot of trauma. I'm inclined to agree; one can attach labels to this person of "psychopath", "narcissist", etc, but in a lot of people with that label there isn't a physical problem that they were born with, but events in their lives (often early childhood as per the article) that changed something in their brains f…
I'll even acknowledge his dad was worse than he is, and my great-grandfather worse still. But all those generations until my brother died defending the belief that they were fine and everyone else was the problem.
I think change is possible for anyone, but they have to want it (and the more change that's needed, the bigger the desire has to be). And I've realized there isn't anything I can do to make my dad want to change.
Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
#100Attachment Theory is an interesting subject on the matter. A few useful books which helped me with both understanding and healing (there're still problems, but it gets better): 1. Love Sense, Sue Johnson. 2. The Power of Attachment, Diane Pooler Heller. 3. Understanding Disorganized Attachment: Theory and Practice for Working with Children and Adults, David, Shemmings and Yvonne Shemmings. 4. The Body Keeps the Score…
Could you summarize some practical takeaways from all these books? To be honest I've become a bit skeptical of how much this sort of stuff helps. From what I see, our society has become much more well-versed in all this psychology-therapy-trauma material in the last 20 years, yet despite this we're taking more anti-depressants and seeing more therapy than ever. Mentally and spiritually we seem to be doing worse than…
I think your impression has merit and labeling people as 'sick' or 'broken' or any of the diagnoses in psychology literature, that imply just about the same, can keep people stuck identifying with their afflictions. And that there's some great value in religion that we've not found a good replacement for.
I also believe that one can go without facing deeply traumatic events for an entire life and seem to many on the outside to be doing much better than one who goes the difficult path of deconstructing oneself and their family history.
And I think our unhappiness and that of our children is well explained by our late-stage-capitalist, individualistic cultures and the rise of technology that profits from (ill-)serving our social needs.
'It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.' - Jiddu Krishnamurti