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The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

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Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#51

Post by theshackleford »

TeeMassive wrote: post #41

Finally a subject my childhood makes me "expert" at! People often say that I have a unsavory dark humor, but it's one of the best coping mechanism out there. My earliest memory is my mother spreading food all over my face because I didn't want to finish my plate. I remember my eyes hurting because of the pepper in it. My father threatened to shoot the family dog on a weekly basis to make me behave. I could not leave…

I had a very similar upbringing friend, I am so sorry to hear it. It's left me with life long deficiencies that haunt me to today, even when I don't realise it. It's tough.

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#52

Post by ramity »

igorramazanov wrote: post #36

Attachment Theory is an interesting subject on the matter. A few useful books which helped me with both understanding and healing (there're still problems, but it gets better): 1. Love Sense, Sue Johnson. 2. The Power of Attachment, Diane Pooler Heller. 3. Understanding Disorganized Attachment: Theory and Practice for Working with Children and Adults, David, Shemmings and Yvonne Shemmings. 4. The Body Keeps the Score…

#4 was a profound and very validating read for me understanding how the brain handles traumatic events. Thanks for sharing.

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#53

Post by aidenn0 »

dang wrote: post #46
TeeMassive wrote: post #41

Finally a subject my childhood makes me "expert" at! People often say that I have a unsavory dark humor, but it's one of the best coping mechanism out there. My earliest memory is my mother spreading food all over my face because I didn't want to finish my plate. I remember my eyes hurting because of the pepper in it. My father threatened to shoot the family dog on a weekly basis to make me behave. I could not leave…

That's seriously awful. I'm glad you have a sense of humor because that seems like one of the helpful reactions that could arise from such a nightmare. > They would often bring me in front of the school's psychologist and he would make me cry in front of them, always blaming me, never once asking me what was going on at home. It's remarkable how institutions (the school psychologist in your case) often re-inflict the…

> It's remarkable how institutions (the school psychologist in your case) often re-inflict the trauma that is going on at home. It's their job to protect the child, but often they do the opposite, and it's worth asking why. I experienced this myself, though in a very different context—everyone's story is unique of course.

I think the simplest explanation here is Sturgeon's law: 90% of everything is crud. This goes for members of institutions as well, even if they aren't overworked, underpaid, and undertrained as so many are.

On top of that, abusers are often charming and highly skilled liars and manipulators. To get away with it for an extended period of time it is necessary to convince the victims that institutions won't help them, so performing abuse in front of a representative of the institution can be a ploy to reinforce their power. If the school psychologist had been likely to challenge the abusers, they likely would have picked a different authority figure (teacher, principal, &c.).

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#54

Post by dmazin »

DavidPiper wrote: post #37

There are many types of early relational trauma, but I strongly recommend the (audio)book: "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay Gibson, to anyone who thinks they might benefit from reading a book with that title. I get that's a weird judge-a-book-by-its-cover metric, but it is excellent for working through and understanding those re…

Of all the books mentioned here, I can’t recommend it highly enough. (And seeing a therapist!)

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#55

Post by tuatoru »

dang wrote: post #47
canjobear wrote: post #4

Are children more traumatized now than in the past? Seems like the past was harder on children.

If you read about the history of childhood I think it's clear that children were immeasurably more traumatized in the past. The concept of child abuse barely existed, and the relational needs of children weren't recognized at all. That raises the question of why contemporary attention to trauma is so elevated, if the problem is actually smaller now than it used to be. There's an easy answer though: this is first mome…

Children were definitely abused more in the past, but were they traumatised more?

In the past much more than today, kids had defined roles and work to do in families. The stronger sense of identity may have lessened the trauma. As may the knowledge that their peers in neighboring familes were going through the exact same things.

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#56

Post by [deleted] »

tuatoru wrote: post #55
dang wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you read about the history of childhood I think it's clear that children were immeasurably more traumatized in the past. The concept of child abuse barely existed, and the relational needs of children weren't recognized at all. That raises the question of why contemporary attention to trauma is so elevated, if the problem is actually smaller now than it used to be. There's an easy answer though: this is first mome…

Children were definitely abused more in the past, but were they traumatised more? In the past much more than today, kids had defined roles and work to do in families. The stronger sense of identity may have lessened the trauma. As may the knowledge that their peers in neighboring familes were going through the exact same things.

[deleted]

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#57

Post by casenmgreen »

"Sex and the Psyche: The Truth About Our Most Secret Fantasies", Brett Kahr.

Silly title, but looks like a serious bit of work. Big study in the UK about ten years ago - 50k people receiving questionnaires, can't remember how many people for closer study, 50 for full day interviews.

Conclusion : sexual fantasy is a coping mechanism for trauma.

Fantasy is a recapitulation, often modified to make it more bearable, of the original trauma.

Fantasy varies between individuals, because trauma varies. Fantasy superficially varies enormously for an individual, but there is always a core theme.

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#58

Post by MrDresden »

ramity wrote: post #52
igorramazanov wrote: post #36

Attachment Theory is an interesting subject on the matter. A few useful books which helped me with both understanding and healing (there're still problems, but it gets better): 1. Love Sense, Sue Johnson. 2. The Power of Attachment, Diane Pooler Heller. 3. Understanding Disorganized Attachment: Theory and Practice for Working with Children and Adults, David, Shemmings and Yvonne Shemmings. 4. The Body Keeps the Score…

#4 was a profound and very validating read for me understanding how the brain handles traumatic events. Thanks for sharing.

Not to deny your experience with it, however looking up the author and the book I notice that it has drawn some serious criticisms for inaccuracies and lack of empirical data backing up claims.

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#59

Post by agumonkey »

igorramazanov wrote: post #36

Attachment Theory is an interesting subject on the matter. A few useful books which helped me with both understanding and healing (there're still problems, but it gets better): 1. Love Sense, Sue Johnson. 2. The Power of Attachment, Diane Pooler Heller. 3. Understanding Disorganized Attachment: Theory and Practice for Working with Children and Adults, David, Shemmings and Yvonne Shemmings. 4. The Body Keeps the Score…

Are these talking about the neurological basis of attachment ?

Thanks for the list nonetheless.

Re: The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]

#60

Post by agumonkey »

TeeMassive wrote: post #41

Finally a subject my childhood makes me "expert" at! People often say that I have a unsavory dark humor, but it's one of the best coping mechanism out there. My earliest memory is my mother spreading food all over my face because I didn't want to finish my plate. I remember my eyes hurting because of the pepper in it. My father threatened to shoot the family dog on a weekly basis to make me behave. I could not leave…

The lack of a clear notion of boundaries or self and thus ability to stand for yourself is a very subtle and deep problem. Good luck.
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