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Ask HN: Nineteen Year Old Needing Advice

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Re: Ask HN: Nineteen Year Old Needing Advice

#31

Post by creer »

Not in place of all the other comments but in addition: there are approximately 15 million undergrad schools in the US. Cal, CA community college (of which there are many also), Stanford plus a requirement to line-up class credits - are far from the only options.

You could look for schools that better hit your interests: more aggressive CS, some business orientation, higher-ranking student population, city-oriented, coastal, entrepreneurial clubs perhaps, NOT small-town, older students and their activities (graduate CS, graduate business, etc)... And at this stage it's not the end of the world if you loose a few classes of credits. If you want to finish that degree and perhaps more you need a school that can support that. You need a school where there are too many things you'd like to do (although not necessarily all provided by the school). Now that you have some baseline to decide on a school, you are in a better situation for a better choice. Take your time before you make it this time.

Re: Ask HN: Nineteen Year Old Needing Advice

#32

Post by creer »

MrLeap wrote: post #12

Others have broached this, you can change your environment or you can change yourself. There is a lot of value cultivating the ability to connect to people unlike yourself, so I'm biased towards the latter. A framing that's helpful for me sometimes is realizing that every one of us is born inevitably doomed to die. Our shared mortality and the impermanence of everything seems like a much bigger deal than small differ…

That's fair and interesting but I have always found this mentally demanding - to do deliberately. Which means this is hard to do for someone who is already in distress. Any pointers for how (distressed) people might practically go about it?

Re: Ask HN: Nineteen Year Old Needing Advice

#33

Post by creer »

343throwaway432 wrote: post #7
tw_indian_eng wrote: post #4

I'm American and I hated my CS program and university town. It was mostly immaturity on my part, but I had the same problems with US culture that you do which had a negative effect on my mental health. I would have preferred to be in Europe but I wasn't ready to live so far away from home. You should go home, for the sake of your mental health. Especially if there is a chance that you could do a CS program in an Euro…

Thank you for the advice. Why do you say to stay away from SF until I've graduated? I am against antidepressants or any medication but going to try therapy, so thank you for the recommendation.

San Francisco is not a peaceful place. And then some! Berkeley isn't either but more protected. Manageable and very student-oriented. Stanford is a different world (in a bewildering but great way for a student). The San Francisco Bay Area is a large and very diverse place (and there are several more schools around).

Re: Ask HN: Nineteen Year Old Needing Advice

#34

Post by creer »

Another direction to look at this: College (and grad school) is a protected time to poke around knowledge and career disciplines and learn to interact with people and build an initial network of people that you have some measure of. Often these people are other students - not all from your year, but they should also be professors, anyone who will talk to you, local or not. It is possible this city and school are failing you. It is possible you are failing (reflection elsewhere about "everyone is an idiot").

You do mention "I haven't met anyone else who is ambitious". If that includes older students, academic departments, professors, school activists, nearby businesses, then yeah you might have hit the jackpot and it might be time to move (to another school).

Re: Ask HN: Nineteen Year Old Needing Advice

#35

Post by MrLeap »

creer wrote: post #32
MrLeap wrote: post #12

Others have broached this, you can change your environment or you can change yourself. There is a lot of value cultivating the ability to connect to people unlike yourself, so I'm biased towards the latter. A framing that's helpful for me sometimes is realizing that every one of us is born inevitably doomed to die. Our shared mortality and the impermanence of everything seems like a much bigger deal than small differ…

That's fair and interesting but I have always found this mentally demanding - to do deliberately. Which means this is hard to do for someone who is already in distress. Any pointers for how (distressed) people might practically go about it?

Your intuition about mentally distressed people doesn't always apply, sometimes it does.

It helps to have mindfulness / be able to center yourself in the present. Finding peace in surrender to things you can't control.

The purpose of what I said is all about illuminating the immateriality of most chains holding people back from peace. Relative comparisons / regrets / expectations for self and others. How many torments do people grasp on to that are safe to let go? This is a personal investigation that I can't answer for others, but I think the answer approaches 100%.

If some aspect of a practice doesn't help you, don't do it! I doubt any humanity preserving practice completely eliminates lifes challenges, there's quite a number of tools for returning from a bad place to a peaceful, useful perspective. Explore to find your recipe.

Re: Ask HN: Nineteen Year Old Needing Advice

#36

Post by 082349872349872 »

343throwaway432 wrote: post #11
082349872349872 wrote: post #6

Have you read http://www.xenophobes.com/books/The-Xenophobes-Guide-to-the-... ? (FWIW, it took me ~5 years to really feel at home going the other direction; by then you should've graduated?)

Thank you for the book recommendation. I read the preview and it's accurate. I will give it a read.

Thanks for pointing out the preview — I just reread that and realised how well it applies to many evergreen topics here on HN.
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