I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

Again, some people figured how to live a life with fulfilment, being content, having a purpose, but without a kid. In fact, what worries me a lot that some people think the kid is the ultimate solution. And that is really, really bad and unfair to many involved (family, partner, and eventually the kid themselves)

> Family doesn't collapse half as easily

You'd be surprised. Mine did, and in the region I'm from, did many, too. In fact, the modern invention of a nuclear family is more brittle than some want to accept.

With truly a lot of sympathy, I encourage you too, to try to think outside your bubble. I am happy for each one of those around me who manage a life with their babies and new family.

But this "you'll never know until" mentality is very toxic and the ones repeating it don't realize it's true vice versa.

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All the other issues you mention (jobs, friends come and go) are also generalization, and certainly didn't apply to me or many others, thus, not a proof of anything.

If you are a straight plagiarizer, it seems rather brazen to call attention to the flagging. Are you able to find an original for that one as well? I wasn't.

I've been the youngest engineer on the teams I've worked with for practically my entire career. Early into my career, I got a front row seat to see snippets of how my peers with children lived, such as:

- Absolutely zero control over one's sleep schedule for many, many years

- Zero alone or solo time for many, many years

- For many couples, zero or little intimacy for years

- Lots and lots and lots of crying, then crying and screaming, then screaming, then tantrum-ing

- Unbelievable amounts of repetition and transpiling gibberish to English

- Absolutely everything about childrens' shows (children can watch the same movie 100 times, from what I've observed)

- Career sacrifices, such as having to work at companies and/or living in locations you'd prefer to not be working or living in

- Society type-casting women into motherly roles while "men being men" is generally acceptable

Given all this, I knew from very early on (20s) that I did not want children. I was very (very!) lucky to find a partner who held the same beliefs.

We are in our late 30s now and are still strongly committed to this decision.

HOWEVER, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting kids if both partners really, really want them AND know what they're signing up for!

From what I've seen, raising kids requires levels of selflessness and patience that are almost supernatural, and it's essentially a lifelong job (especially when the children beget grandchildren, and, given the state of affairs, will definitely need a hand while they work since daycare is all but unaffordable for most).

One thing that's annoying about parenthood being the default is that core working hours at many companies are structured around children, especially with the pervasiveness of working from home. Being online at 7am is perfectly acceptable, for example.

This isn't great if you, say, want to start your day at 11am because waking up at 8am or later is no big deal. I understand why it is the way it is, but it's still annoying.

I get it. Some families fail. People get really angry about that, and I understand why. That doesn't mean it will never succeed (and frankly, a failed family is imho, in quite a few ways, still better than no family at all).

I'm pretty damn sure the "mass families", or however you want to call it, so big that kids only really had other kids as parents, that came before were a LOT worse than a nuclear family.

My main point is that there's a strong motivation to keep a family going. And that is a huge part of what keeps me stable. I think it's a necessary part of keeping me stable.