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I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

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Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#11

Post by [deleted] »

michelsedgh wrote: post #9
Gooblebrai wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

On the other side of the coin, there's a subset of parents that regret having children. Check /r/regretfulparents I think we don't hear much about the people that hated having children because is not culturally accepted in society to expose that view.

Yeah it’s important to be ready to have a child, be financially and mentally stable. Also you can argue they hate having children, but if they didn’t, they would be more unhappy. Raising a child is very hard work and time consuming so ofc a lot will hate having them, but I wonder if you ask them 10,15 years from now, what would they say? Most parents I saw that had an unexpected child after many years are very happy…

[deleted]

Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#12

Post by Gooblebrai »

michelsedgh wrote: post #9
Gooblebrai wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

On the other side of the coin, there's a subset of parents that regret having children. Check /r/regretfulparents I think we don't hear much about the people that hated having children because is not culturally accepted in society to expose that view.

Yeah it’s important to be ready to have a child, be financially and mentally stable. Also you can argue they hate having children, but if they didn’t, they would be more unhappy. Raising a child is very hard work and time consuming so ofc a lot will hate having them, but I wonder if you ask them 10,15 years from now, what would they say? Most parents I saw that had an unexpected child after many years are very happy…

> Also you can argue they hate having children, but if they didn’t, they would be more unhappy.

I have the feeling this is a type of logical fallacy but I can't pinpoint which

> I saw that had an unexpected child after many years are very happy about having them.

It can be genuine happiness. But also it could be what they tell themselves. Because, what would be the other option? Not like they can backtrack. So better to tell themselves that they are happy with kids rather than suffer the cognitive dissonance.

This is hard to prove anyway, but is not unheard of that people lie to themselves to feel better with their past decisions.

Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#13

Post by lyu07282 »

michelsedgh wrote: post #2

You can do whatever you want and I can criticize you for it. Most of people who I’ve seen that don’t have children, when they get old have an emptiness inside them and not much to look for. When they’re younger they think they’re gonna be okay, but we usually don’t know if we feel the same way a few minutes from now, how can you say no I won’t feel that way 30-40 years from now? I hope the writer of this article be h…

I think the root problem that this article is talking about is the reasoning you had for responding like that. It's way too meta, it would require too much introspection for you to understand, but try to imagine that the point the person is making is to express the frustration with people who can not accept the decision not to have children. Who therefore feel compelled, at all times, to question the decision not to have children, to make the argument for children, to express unsolicited "worry" about the future happiness of a person without children, etc.

Put a different way, the widespread phenomenon of the behavior you just demonstrated, is what is being pleaded against (unsuccessfully in your case). Perhaps that helps you to understand why "but children are great" is missing the point they were trying to make.

The person isn't asking "should I have children?", ask yourself, (and everyone else who responded like that) why you responded as if they did.

Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#14

Post by jl6 »

It’s a personal decision. It’s not for everyone. But “childfree” as an identity is counterproductive, seemingly aiming for the vegan/atheist stereotype for being insufferable about what they’re not doing.

Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#16

Post by kmarc »

smallstepforman wrote: post #4

She’ll miss out on entire new level of spiritual awareness, social maturity, graciousness and generocity, and ultimately miss out on a range of emotions we need to be fulfilled. An empty, selfish life. The financial arguments and overpopulation arguments are strawman arguments. Having a single child isnt contributing to those problems, but still offers emotional growth. Leaving a sole child with no sibblings is selfi…

> Empty, selfish

This is sad.

I wish you the best for your non empty, non selfish life. I also hope once you open your mind and develop some sympathy for people who think differently. Not to mention those who didn't choose this path, yet you put them into the empty, selfish box.

Hope this is not your best self.

Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#17

Post by troydavis »

This is plagiarized word for word from https://web.archive.org/web/20150210200039/http://kalihawlk.... (original URL: http://kalihawlk.com/not-having-kids/)

For more on this plagiarism campaign, read https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40164077 and https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40185250

Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#18

Post by stefanos82 »

troydavis wrote: post #17

This is plagiarized word for word from https://web.archive.org/web/20150210200039/http://kalihawlk.... (original URL: http://kalihawlk.com/not-having-kids/ ) For more on this plagiarism campaign, read https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40164077 and https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40185250

MIND...BLOWN!!!

Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#19

Post by candiodari »

kmarc wrote: post #7
michelsedgh wrote: post #2

You can do whatever you want and I can criticize you for it. Most of people who I’ve seen that don’t have children, when they get old have an emptiness inside them and not much to look for. When they’re younger they think they’re gonna be okay, but we usually don’t know if we feel the same way a few minutes from now, how can you say no I won’t feel that way 30-40 years from now? I hope the writer of this article be h…

Most of the people I've seen that do have children are extremely miserable for the first couple thousand days and then moderately miserable for the next decade. So what, probably our sample is not representative. My pet peeve is when parents tell me (or other people who can't actually have children), that "you'll never know until you haven't experienced it". I grew to think this is the most toxic behavior, triggering…

Look, not caring for anyone is always going to be easier than caring for someone.

I think becoming a parent has helped me a lot in a million ways. You actually have a reason to advance, a reason to do stuff for others. It helps that there's just no way out. Plus I've been part of layoffs twice in about 20 years. Most things in life can and will collapse, including work, your social group at work (amongst other reasons because employers have somehow convinced employees of the "need" to keep secrets, resulting in a tension that will always be there when I work for one company and they work for another). Family doesn't collapse half as easily. The only friends I kept over 20 years I got in high school or at the latest university, and even that group is slowly bleeding dry.

Re: I'm Not Having Kids (and That's Okay)

#20

Post by tanisds »

Gooblebrai wrote: post #12
michelsedgh wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah it’s important to be ready to have a child, be financially and mentally stable. Also you can argue they hate having children, but if they didn’t, they would be more unhappy. Raising a child is very hard work and time consuming so ofc a lot will hate having them, but I wonder if you ask them 10,15 years from now, what would they say? Most parents I saw that had an unexpected child after many years are very happy…

> Also you can argue they hate having children, but if they didn’t, they would be more unhappy. I have the feeling this is a type of logical fallacy but I can't pinpoint which > I saw that had an unexpected child after many years are very happy about having them. It can be genuine happiness. But also it could be what they tell themselves. Because, what would be the other option? Not like they can backtrack. So better…

> I have the feeling this is a type of logical fallacy but I can't pinpoint which

Although not a logical fallacy, "choice-supportive bias" might do:) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice-supportive_bias

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